Guest list going up ... and up ...

annathy03

courtski2004 said:

MandyandDJB said:

I have run into a similar issue and have no clue what to do!

I fell in love with a venue for our reception that can only comfortably seat up to 300 (Although other weddings in my family have been over 500). My family and I determined that each side (FI and I) each got to invite 160 people and then we would go from there (If we were under 300 after RSVPs we could go to a "B" list and invite a few more people). We simply divided the number in half and figured that my mother's list would include the people that I wanted there, and his mother's list could include the people that he wanted there. However my FMIL informed me last night that her list is over 180 and that was "cutting out as many people as she could." Not only is this over the number of people that we can fit in the venue, she refuses to take anyone off her list so that my fiance could invite people he wants there!

I'm completely frustrated because I have looked at so many places to find one that I loved, only to find out that it isn't going to work; my family does not feel that they should have to pay for his family to have twice as many as mine; and we had planned to get married May or June 2014 so dates available are few and far between. I feel that time is running out and noone is willing to compromise.

A couple things--don't invite more that you can comfortably host. If your family is paying, give your FIL's a number and stick to it. No 'B' list, that is rude and tacky--people will know if they've been 'b-listed', and it isn't a pleasant feeling.

If you can host 300 based on your venue, then make sure that the allowances add up to 300. In this case, the 160 for both is over--what if all of these guests showed up? These are only stressful situations if you let people get out of control with it. Make them comply with the guidelines you set in the beginning.

All of this.  Don't invite more than 300, and frankly if your FMIL isn't paying, she doesn't get 180 guests.  A common split is 1/3 your parents, 1/3 his parents, 1/3 you and FIs friends, so it would be more than reasonable to allow her 100 spots for people of her and FFILs choosing, and then your FI gets people he wants there as well.  They may not be happy about it, but it's very rude of her to insist on 180 guests of hers be entertained for the evening if she isn't footing the bill.