Wedding Etiquette Forum

Need some sassy retorts

As some of you ladies know, my mom is being difficult. She's asked me to send invitations to another couple dozen of her friends once our RSVP date has passed because her friends that she's known for 30 years deserve to be there.

Yes, my dad is paying for the wedding (my parents are married but my dad controls finances - long story, but it's necessary) and my dad has told me that I do not need to give my mom any more guests, especially since I've already cut FI and my portion of the list to 20% to accommodate my mom's friends in past fits she's thrown. Now she's convinced that her hairdresser will stop doing her hair unless we invite her.

So luckily, dad's supporting me and he "laid down the law" with her last night, but seeing as she went behind his back to corner me and demand more guests, I know that this war is not over. Dad, being the holder of the checkbook, told me I am free to tell her off and he will back me and help me out if I need it. I want to remain respectful but firm. What are some good lines to use, especially when bean dipping and "this is not up for discussion" doesn't work with her?

FTR, I am no longer willingly discussing the wedding with her.

Re: Need some sassy retorts

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    tiny specktiny speck member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary First Comment
    edited June 2013
    I'd leave the room the next time she corners you. Or hang up the phone if she's calling. I know you said she won't take no for an answer but refusing to respond at all might throw her a bit. I'm not that great at sassy retorts... ETA: and at this point it doesn't sound like anything you can say will make a difference.
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    Ugh, my mom is like this too.  The "this is not up for discussion" line doesn't work on her either.  She attempts to guilt/trap/blackmail me into giving her answers.  (Example: She asks me personal details about my finances quite often.  I told her once it was none of her business, and she said that since was living with her, it was her business...I have to lie in order to get her to shut up sometimes).

    My mom corners me every chance she gets when the two of us are alone. My first line of defense is to do my best to make sure we're not alone.  When she corners me, it's usually first thing in the morning or late at night.  That works out great, because I can get away with using the "I have to go to (work/bed), bye!" approach, and then I leave.  Reasoning with her and changing the topic don't work, so I can't really offer much help there.  But I feel your frustration.  If you're able to physically leave, that's what's worked best for me.  That and using other people has "bodyguards".

    I'm really glad your dad is on your side!  That will make this easier for you!  Good luck, OP!

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    KDM323KDM323 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Phone conversations: Use call waiting as an 'excuse' - "Ooh Mom, sorry...that's the electric company calling, I've gotta go".  "Ooh, Mom that's the bridal shop calling, I've gotta go" (You can come up with an endless amount of callers)

    In person:  "Oh my, I just realized I left the curling iron plugged in, I've gotta run".  "I'm sorry, didn't realize what time it was, the cable man is going to be at the house in 20 minutes, I've gotta run"  "Oh dear, look at the time, I have to get up at 5am tomorrow, I've gotta run"

    If she shows up at your house:  "Oh gee Mom...I have a doctor's appointment in 20 minutes, I've gotta run".  "I have to be at Mary's house in 15 minutes to help her with a project for work, I've gotta run"

    Implement any of those excuses any time she brings up the wedding/guests.   Either she'll get the 'hint' that you aren't talking about it...or at minimum, you can dodge the conversations.
    *** Fairy Tales Do Come True *** Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    What in the hell are you talking about.  AGAIN. 
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    Seriously NYU you need to drop this now.  It is one thing to go on and on in the other thread but to bring that whole discussion onto this one is a bit ridiculous and immature.  That hole you are digging is getting so deep that pretty soon you will be in China.

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    NYU - seriously? Seriously?!

    @zobird - I'm not good at retorts, so I usually just give a vague"mmm...' and walk away.
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    harper0813harper0813 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited June 2013
    LMc0322 said:

    If we're going with the random statements, I think that "Excuse me for a minute, I have diarrhea" is a sure fire way to get out of any conversation.

    Thank you, I am so using this.

    Now to to read NYU's comment... Here goes nothing.

    ETA: Good lord. Someone's got a bee in her bonnet.
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    Channel your inner bouncer and firmly tell her "The list is closed" and walk away.

    (if she slips you $100 for each guest or assures you they'll pay for bottle service, maybe let them onto the list - kidding!)

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    @zobird - how about "Dad is taking care of all the extra invitations for me - give this list to him."



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    kryan32 said:

    @zobird - how about "Dad is taking care of all the extra invitations for me - give this list to him."


    Oh no, I wouldn't do that!  That will drag your Dad further into the drama, and I think that is unnecessary.  Non engagement and deflection are probably best.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."

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    RE:  Hairdresser refusing service if not invited:  "I guess you'll have to find a new hairdresser then".
    Other requests:  "No."    (No other words, just "No.")
    Or what Bayside Bride said:  "The list is closed."

    The fewer words the better.

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    I agree with Bayside.  Simply tell her that the list is closed.  You don't want to further the drama or cause a serious rift in your family dynamic.  The other risk is pitting your dad and mom against each other and nobody wants to be the bad guy.  If it's something she wants to bring up with your father, it's something that he can handle, but it sounds to me like your mom is being unreasonable.  Requesting that you cut your own guest list by 20% to invite people like her hairdresser and mild acquaintance from college who she hasn't spoken to in 30 years seems intense to me....

    Maybe I'd tell her that if she brings it up again, you're going to punch her in the throat...but wink or something at the end so she knows you're kidding :) lol
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    "Well mom I guess you're gonna have to find a new hairdresser. "
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