wedding the weekend before mine....

stantokm

kking1982 said:

Thank you all for your advice. Once I got over the initial shock of it I realize what REALLY annoyed me is the one sided communication. I took every measure to keep my brother in the loop as to avoid any possible conflict and I feel like they could have cared less as no info from their end was ever sent my way. I have no idea when they plan on taking their honeymoon. I have come to terms with the way things worked out. While I would miss my brother not being at my wedding, i realize this may be a possibility. I went ahead and send out STD out at the beginning of the month considering my Fiancee does have a handful of family traveling from Texas. I want to give them as much notice as possible.
Whatever happens, happens. People will make their choices. I am not gonna stress about it and let it bring me down. I know the people in ours lives who care about us will be in attendance. Until then I plan on enjoying my brothers wedding (assuming we are invited ) and then celebrating ours the following week.

I'm glad that you have such a great attitude about this.  I only want to caution that just because some people may not attend your wedding doesn't mean that they don't care about you--and if some go to your brother's wedding and not yours, that doesn't mean that they don't care about you, either, or even that they care about him more. 

Keith+Brenna

I would be so pissed and consider your future SIL very rude. Sounds like she is doing it on purpose. If it was a distant cousin, I wouldn't be so mad, but your brother? NO! My wedding date is set for October 12th and my close cousin called me and asked if it was okay to have her wedding on September 1st and if it was too close to my wedding, she would change it no problem. She has been engaged much longer than I have. I, of course, said "no problem at all." I guess, my point is, if my cousin had enough sense/respect to check with me on a date a month and a half ahead of mine, your very own brother/SIL should have checked with you and given you a very good reason. She is making this into a competition. If I were you, I'd move my wedding date back if at all possible.

daveANDkristen

For those of you who think that OP's brother and SIL are out of line for scheduling their wedding a week ahead of OP's, I have a question.  What do you think is an acceptable timeframe in a situation like this?  What if bro/FSIL planned their wedding for two weeks before OP's?  One month? 

 

OP I think you have a great attitude about this!  I would be more bothered by finding out about their engagement through Facebook!  If it makes you feel any better, people will be coming up to you all day on the day of your brother's wedding to say "you're next!" "are you getting excited?!" "we can't wait to see you in your gown!". 

32daisies

daveANDkristen said:

For those of you who think that OP's brother and SIL are out of line for scheduling their wedding a week ahead of OP's, I have a question.  What do you think is an acceptable timeframe in a situation like this?  What if bro/FSIL planned their wedding for two weeks before OP's?  One month? 

 

OP I think you have a great attitude about this!  I would be more bothered by finding out about their engagement through Facebook!  If it makes you feel any better, people will be coming up to you all day on the day of your brother's wedding to say "you're next!" "are you getting excited?!" "we can't wait to see you in your gown!". 

I think it was a crappy move, but the real reason is the lack of communication. I mean, we each only get a day, and so on, but your sister's getting married and you pick a date a week before hers without so much as a "hey, here's what we're thinking"? That's the part that seems out of line. One week or two or whenever, your family is having a wedding already. Now there's another wedding? That's all to the good, but if you're involved in each other's lives, then talk. (If you're not involved in each other's lives, the whole question would be moot.)

Whatever mom, dad, sis, and so forth think, if I was a more distant member of the family, or just a mutual friend, or whatever, I have to say purely as a *guest* it could be a bit of a juggle. Two weekends I need to be free, childcare two weekends in a row if that's an issue, two gifts to budget, two outfits to plan. All things to think about, and talk about, so again, the communication.

OP, I think you're looking at this the right way: what's done is done. Your wedding will be wonderful, I'm sure of it. Bests!

stantokm

@daveandkristen, I think the answer depends on several factors, like how many people are being invited to both weddings and how many people have to travel.  In the OP's case, it doesn't sound like anyone from her side has to travel far, which is nice.  I'm very close to my cousins and if two of them, especially siblings, decided to get married a week apart, I would be annoyed. I'd have to give up two Saturdays in a row (presumably) and (sorry, OP) I'd be less excited the second time around.  Shoot, I'd probably be less excited about the first wedding since I'd know that I'd be doing a repeat the following weekend, seeing the same people, etc.  Even if I had a fabulous time at both, I'd wonder why they couldn't schedule things a little farther apart.

To answer, I think two weeks should be the minimum between family weddings and two months or more if many guests would have to travel long-distances (flying or 8+ hours in a car one way).

kking1982

daveANDkristen said:

For those of you who think that OP's brother and SIL are out of line for scheduling their wedding a week ahead of OP's, I have a question.  What do you think is an acceptable timeframe in a situation like this?  What if bro/FSIL planned their wedding for two weeks before OP's?  One month? 

 

OP I think you have a great attitude about this!  I would be more bothered by finding out about their engagement through Facebook!  If it makes you feel any better, people will be coming up to you all day on the day of your brother's wedding to say "you're next!" "are you getting excited?!" "we can't wait to see you in your gown!". 

I actually don't want this happening. I think on their wedding day all the focus should be on them.

daveANDkristen

kking1982 said:

I actually don't want this happening. I think on their wedding day all the focus should be on them.

Congratulations are likely to be lumped together when sibling weddings are taking place so close.  Unless you want to move your date, there isn't a lot you can do.  We got married 7 weeks before my SIL.  People asked about my wedding at her showers, b-party, and wedding and vice-versa. 

The focus will be on them on their wedding day.  However, the B&G have less time to hang out with individual guests, since they should be making their rounds.  You will have more time to visit with your family that day than your brother will, and people are likely to ask about your wedding considering it is the following weekend. 

kking1982

As i mentioned in a prior post there is going to be very little crossover in our guest list. I do not know who he is inviting to his wedding, but from the family members my brother and I share I will be inviting him and his fiancee/wife, our mom, and our grandparents, and we share one cousin I will be inviting to our wedding. I do not know if she will be invited to his as it appears we are both having very small ceremonies (40-45 ppl). Again, what annoyed me was the one sided communication. Even aside from wedding stuffs it seems like all contact has been once sided. I have never received an unsolicited text, phone call, or FB message from her unless it is in response to something i sent her. They are young and caught up in their own life. It is what it is, maybe down the road it will change.

Bratface91

Oh my goodness...I'm so sorry! I think that was really inconsiderate of her BUT since this is the situation and these are the cards you were dealt...I would try to embrace it! Maybe this is a good time for you and your soon to be sister in law to start getting to know each other and bonding! Wedding buds? I'm guessing she probably really loved the venu they picked or she probably wouldn't have booked so close to your date. As much as you don't want your wedding one week after theirs, I strongly doubt she REALLY wanted hers one week before. It was probably her only option. I think the best outcome would be if you both find a way to avoid the natural competitive nature that weddings close together take on and embrace the different ideas and atmospheres. If you work together though you may be able to avoid the SAME favors, vendors, colors, ect and each wedding can be unique and beautiful! as far as your mom...I would tell her how you feel. Se may not even realize how she is making you feel and this is such a special time in your life..you will want these memories with her. It's better to address it now that explode 2 weeks before or in front of your brother and his fiancé. Who knows...maybe the three of you can become wedding buds!

kking1982

@Bratface, I am not sure if you have read through all my responses. I have made it pretty clear that I am over it. I was pretty shocked when it first happened, but things are what they are and I am sure we will both have wonderful weddings. Also, I have tried to reach out to her about wedding stuff and other unrelated things and communication so far has been one sided. I am not going to continue to try to befriend anyone so wrapped up in their own lives. She is marrying my brother and will be in the family for a long time, I am sure she will outgrow that and maybe a relationship will flourish. It takes two people to make a relationship work. When she is ready I will be around. Until then I am sure she in enjoying all the fun of being engaged.