Bachelorette Party - Costs

kristinkitson

Hi Ladies!

My first post in here and needing some objective advice!

Background:

I live in Northern Michigan.. my MOH lives in southern Michigan (3.5 hours away) and my bridesmaids live in Chicago (5 hours away). Our wedding is here and everyone on my side will be traveling so I've tried to be conscious of costs and travel for all the other events (in addition to dress/shoes/etc.). My first bridal shower was in southern Michigan (local to my family, MOH) and the bridesmaids traveled to attend (they're both from there too). My second shower is being hosted by my Fiance's family in northern Michigan (local to his family/friends) - I've been up front with the girls that I DON'T expect them to travel for that due to cost/time. The bachelorette party is planned for Chicago where two of the girls live. If you've noticed, tried to keep someone local for each and each was a month or more apart so that it's not overwhelming. 

The party plans, being in Chicago mean that my MOH and I would be splitting a hotel room and others being responsible for their own lodging; their own place/staying at one of the girls/their own hotel. We figured this would keep from forcing anyone into costs.. for the rest of the weekend, girls would know costs ahead and have the choice! The hotel for my MOH/myself also would be serving as a central meeting spot and we'd be using the rooftop pool for laying out/hanging out for free during the day. 

Today one of my bridesmaids was confirming plans/dates for the bachelorette party prior to sending the evite to everyone. When I verified with my MOH and other bridesmaid my MOH suddenly had issues/worries with the cost ($300 half hotel + food & drinks). I respect that it all adds up and wish I could pay for it all, but I can't. I would understand if she chose not to come.. but she insists she wants to. 

Here's my issue.. I'm trying to be as helpful and cost conscious as I can!! I'm even paying for my own half of the hotel room.. not asking the girls to fund everything. Being that we are all in different locations, its not as if we can just go to dinner one night - there has been/will be extra travel & costs for someone for every part.. so how do I handle??

We need to figure it out ASAP for invite details, hotel reservation (if I need to cancel), etc. - is there an option I'm missing?

MairePoppy

TBH, you shouldn't be planning your own bp. I think that may be why you're having a problem. If the bms decided to organize one, then they would have worked out a compromise between themselves. It seems like your friends can't afford to travel to another wedding related event. Why not  cancel and plan a girls night out for when the bms arrive for your wedding? If that's not possible then forget about it. A BP isn't a marriage requirement.

AddieCake

Ditto Maire. I don't think everyone in your group is interested in this trip. 

kiddodarling

Instead of a hotel why can't you stay at one of your BMs homes? That would save a lot for you and your MOH.

wittykitty14

BPs are a gift, like a shower that's thrown for you.  If your maids wanted to throw you one, they would.  They would discuss it amongst themselves, and find something that all of you would like to do that fits their budget. 

If everyone besides you and MOH live in Chicago, why are hotels even an issue?  They can stay at their home and meet you and MOH.  Did you discuss these plans with MOH?  Is she ok with the travel/hotel costs?

If I was in your WP, I wouldn't want to do this.

ETA: I disagree with the idea directly above, so I don't suggest you do this.  Asking your maids to contribute money for something unnecessary is rude, but I also think that inviting yourself to stay at someone else's house without prior invitation is just as rude.

KJiras

Maybe the Chi-town bach party idea seemed totally feasible for your MOH in the planning stages, but now that it is upon her the cost might be too much. Perhaps money is tighter now than it was before for whatever reason. It could be that after getting a bridesmaid dress, shower gift (or the costs of planning a shower+travel), and planning for any lodging expenses/gift related to the actually wedding day it quickly added up to more than she thought

She could be embarrassed to straight out say she can't afford the trip and is hoping you'll figure it out if she hints at it being worried about the hotel cost. Maybe you could see if there is a more affordable option for a hotel, or a shorter stay? Perhaps you can check with the others attending to see if they want to share a larger room, if you have 4 of you to split the costs maybe that will help bring it down? When is the party happening? How much time you have may affect what your options are.

I understand what some PPs are saying about how the BP traditionally plans the bach party on their own but since the OP is already involved in the planning she most likely has to help them work it out. 

kiddodarling

wittykitty14 said:

BPs are a gift, like a shower that's thrown for you.  If your maids wanted to throw you one, they would.  They would discuss it amongst themselves, and find something that all of you would like to do that fits their budget. 

If everyone besides you and MOH live in Chicago, why are hotels even an issue?  They can stay at their home and meet you and MOH.  Did you discuss these plans with MOH?  Is she ok with the travel/hotel costs?

If I was in your WP, I wouldn't want to do this.

ETA: I disagree with the idea directly above, so I don't suggest you do this.  Asking your maids to contribute money for something unnecessary is rude, but I also think that inviting yourself to stay at someone else's house without prior invitation is just as rude.

I wasn't suggesting OP call a BM and say hey me and MOH are gonna stay with you now so start cleaning! I was thinking once the situation is explained to all the BM, that there might not be a BP because the cost would be too high, maybe one of the BM would offer up there home. I know I would in this type of situation. I guess I should have explained my thought process better in my original post.

I agree with KJiras that finding a cheaper hotel should be considered (I'm slightly confused as to if the hotel is $300 total or that's the half the MOH has to pay). It would be more fun for all the girls to stay together in one hotel if that's an option.

 

allispain

It sounds like your BP is more of a weekend-long get-together, if you're going to be sunning yourselves by the pool during the day. Is there any way it can get cut down to just one night at the hotel? Or, as PPs have suggested, switch to a less expensive hotel (maybe one without all the added perks like a rooftop pool)?

Personally, I would have declined being involved in the planning process at all except to answer specific questions (who do you want invited, is there anything you definitely do not want us to plan, etc.). However, since you're already involved, I think it would be good to take it upon yourself to lower costs a bit. Or, you can still always step back and say, "You know, I really appreciate that you all want to throw me this party. I will be happy with whatever you plan, whether it's flashy or laid back" - and mean it.