BM not contributing to shower! Vent!

LAM524

I have had a few days from hell and this one just infuriates me!! First let me say that I got my virtual ass kicked for days by one BM because I corrected her when she said her child was looking forward to coming to the wedding (had no plans on inviting). She even "set me straight"  by telling me that I have "a year to figure out how to invite so & so because otherwise its rude and hurtful! Im still sick over this! Seriously!

I have a BM, "Cherie" that tells me that she wont be contributing to the bridal shower. Backstory: She is my drama friend. Love her to death but she makes the absolute worst decisions and ends up in the worst situations because of her decisions. Whats really bad is that she has children who suffer the extremes because of her inability or unwillingness to learn from her mistakes. I just cant figure her all out...my one thought is just too horrible for me to say. Anyway, sometime ago she received her 4th eviction and had to move in with a basic stranger. She planned on saving $$ to get her own place within a few months. Although she makes 5x the agreed upon rent she was to pay this stranger, she didnt save anything because she had to pay "the rent"  Blessed as she happened to be, a relative lent her $10,000. The day that she knew it was in the mail, she told me all the things that she was going to purchase such as a laptops...visit the spa...and other non essentials. She mentioned nothing her children truly needed, as in new sneakers etc. Before she was able to find a place, she spent $7,000. ( in less then 2 weeks)!

She has now leased a place that is $500.00 more then what she was paying before the eviction (after each eviction, she leases a new place that cost more then what she was (wasnt) paying hence causing the eviction). Last week, she had asked me if I would hold the $$ that she would need for her BM dress (she wanted to use me as a saving acct). When I said yes, she changed her mind and told me that she had plans for that money. Well..thats her choice. I just hope she has it when needed.

Today, my mother told me that my MOH planned on paying for the entire shower herself because she thought that was her "duty" as my MOH!  I was mortified. After speaking with a few of my BM's they expressed very strong opinions about contributing to the "event" (which they all planned) and reached out to my MOH. So did I. I begged her to not take this on herself, reassured her that it wasnt her duty and basically told her to share it or dont do one at all. When I spoke with Cherie about what was going on, her only response was "oh I wont be able to throw anything her way because I'm broke. I'll go but thats about it." I am so hurt and angry and embarrassed! She just dismissed her part seemingly so thoughtlessly! What...everyone contributes and she just gets to attend? Her portion is now their burden? I am so disgusted and hurt that she would do this to our friends and my sister. Im embarrassed for her..and angry at her! Now I feel the need to warn my MOH before she solidifies the plans. I feel like I should pay her part! Ugh..all these emotions punching my brain!

manateehugger

LAM2228 said:

I have had a few days from hell and this one just infuriates me!! First let me say that I got my virtual ass kicked for days by one BM because I corrected her when she said her child was looking forward to coming to the wedding (had no plans on inviting). She even "set me straight"  by telling me that I have "a year to figure out how to invite so & so because otherwise its rude and hurtful! Im still sick over this! Seriously!

I have a BM, "Cherie" that tells me that she wont be contributing to the bridal shower. Backstory: She is my drama friend. Love her to death but she makes the absolute worst decisions and ends up in the worst situations because of her decisions. Whats really bad is that she has children who suffer the extremes because of her inability or unwillingness to learn from her mistakes. I just cant figure her all out...my one thought is just too horrible for me to say. Anyway, sometime ago she received her 4th eviction and had to move in with a basic stranger. She planned on saving $$ to get her own place within a few months. Although she makes 5x the agreed upon rent she was to pay this stranger, she didnt save anything because she had to pay "the rent"  Blessed as she happened to be, a relative lent her $10,000. The day that she knew it was in the mail, she told me all the things that she was going to purchase such as a laptops...visit the spa...and other non essentials. She mentioned nothing her children truly needed, as in new sneakers etc. Before she was able to find a place, she spent $7,000. ( in less then 2 weeks)!

She has now leased a place that is $500.00 more then what she was paying before the eviction (after each eviction, she leases a new place that cost more then what she was (wasnt) paying hence causing the eviction). Last week, she had asked me if I would hold the $$ that she would need for her BM dress (she wanted to use me as a saving acct). When I said yes, she changed her mind and told me that she had plans for that money. Well..thats her choice. I just hope she has it when needed.

Today, my mother told me that my MOH planned on paying for the entire shower herself because she thought that was her "duty" as my MOH!  I was mortified. After speaking with a few of my BM's they expressed very strong opinions about contributing to the "event" (which they all planned) and reached out to my MOH. So did I. I begged her to not take this on herself, reassured her that it wasnt her duty and basically told her to share it or dont do one at all. When I spoke with Cherie about what was going on, her only response was "oh I wont be able to throw anything her way because I'm broke. I'll go but thats about it." I am so hurt and angry and embarrassed! She just dismissed her part seemingly so thoughtlessly! What...everyone contributes and she just gets to attend? Her portion is now their burden? I am so disgusted and hurt that she would do this to our friends and my sister. Im embarrassed for her..and angry at her! Now I feel the need to warn my MOH before she solidifies the plans. I feel like I should pay her part! Ugh..all these emotions punching my brain!

You're embarrassed and angry that she wont contribute borrowed and/or nonexistent money to your wedding shower instead of her potentially using it to take care of her often-neglected children or pay her expensive rent?

Are you for real?

MairePoppy

You shouldn't be involved in planning your shower. Your mother shouldn't have filled you in on who's paying for what. The bms aren't obligated to pay for your shower. Given the bm's financial history, which isn't anyone's business, why did you think that she would contribute to your shower?

aurianna

Your post confuses me. You're not that new to the boards.
A bridesmaid's ONLY obligation is to buy the dress, show up to the ceremony on time and sober in the dress, participate in your ceremony and then smile for pictures. And the dress also has to be within the budget she gave that the bride should have asked her prior to choosing the dress.
Showers and pre-wedding parties are all optional and are not required to be given by anyone. Each bridesmaid may give as little or as much time and money into these events as she wants.

And if she's seriously getting evicted and has kids, I too find it insane that you're angry she's not spending money on your shower.

ETA:
If this BM wants to be a host of the shower, it's up to her to talk to the other hosts. She can contribute time / make things for the shower if she can't spend actual money. Or she doesn't have to do that either, in which case she will not be a host of the shower while the other girls are.

LAM524

Yes I am. Her borrowed money has nothing to do with this..its gone but she still has a job, makes great money, and has about 8 months to contribute. So when she just thoughtlessly made that comment, it angered me. Im angry that she made a commitment to these women and doesnt plan on keeping it. Im angry that she leased a new place for much more money than she needed to and is already stressing about it. I'm embarrassed for her because I know how she will feel when she tells them that she wont be contributing...this is why I feel like I should pay her part..which angers me...its a maddening cycle. I would rather the shower be canceled. Truth be told, I am really seriously worried about my own projection which is she set herself up for another eviction and her children dont deserve to go through another one. Its a very helpless feeling. I am saving for my wedding and unlike the past, I can not afford to help her.

HisGirlFriday13

Ditto @PDKH. You cannot possibly be for real. Whatever decisions your friend makes about her finances are her business -- NOT yours. If she is irresponsible and a spendthrift, that's on her. If she can't afford the dress for your wedding, then she has taken herself out of your wedding. A BM's sole job is to get the dress and show up on time. That's it. If she doesn't want to pay for the party, that's a fair decision. She doesn't have to. Is it rude if she shows up and pretends she's a co-host? Yes, it is. But that's on her, not on you.
But stop judging her and trying to spend her money for her.

manateehugger

LAM2228 said:

Yes I am. Her borrowed money has nothing to do with this..its gone but she still has a job, makes great money, and has about 8 months to contribute. So when she just thoughtlessly made that comment, it angered me. Im angry that she made a commitment to these women and doesnt plan on keeping it. Im angry that she leased a new place for much more money than she needed to and is already stressing about it. I'm embarrassed for her because I know how she will feel when she tells them that she wont be contributing...this is why I feel like I should pay her part..which angers me...its a maddening cycle. I would rather the shower be canceled. Truth be told, I am really seriously worried about my own projection which is she set herself up for another eviction and her children dont deserve to go through another one. Its a very helpless feeling. I am saving for my wedding and unlike the past, I can not afford to help her.

Then why mention her borrowed money in your OP?

What commitment? Your OP made it sound like you hit her up for money when you found out your MOH wasn't doing it. 

Umm I didn't contribute to the shower I was most recently in - it was out of state and I didn't want to buy a plane ticket to attend. I wasn't embarrassed to tell the other BM's I couldn't contribute - I just said co-hosting the shower wasn't in my budget. She doesn't have a "part" because it's not her job to contribute. If she doesn't help pay, she's not a hostess - no big deal. 

Oh, and you make virtually no sense. 

aurianna

LAM2228 said:

Yes I am. Her borrowed money has nothing to do with this..its gone but she still has a job, makes great money, and has about 8 months to contribute. So when she just thoughtlessly made that comment, it angered me. Im angry that she made a commitment to these women and doesnt plan on keeping it. Im angry that she leased a new place for much more money than she needed to and is already stressing about it. I'm embarrassed for her because I know how she will feel when she tells them that she wont be contributing...this is why I feel like I should pay her part..which angers me...its a maddening cycle. I would rather the shower be canceled. Truth be told, I am really seriously worried about my own projection which is she set herself up for another eviction and her children dont deserve to go through another one. Its a very helpless feeling. I am saving for my wedding and unlike the past, I can not afford to help her.

If your MoH was already planning on paying for the whole shower herself prior to this, then they were never taking this gal's contribution into account. Did you somehow find out she told the other BMs that she would be contributing? From the rest of the story it doesn't sound like that's a commitment she ever made.
...Unless you told the MoH that Cherie would be contributing. If that happened then bad, bad, bad, bad on you for offering up someone else's money. If that is the case, and for some insane reason the BMs took that as fact and already planned the shower banking on that money, then I could see your needing to offer up some of your own money. But I'm thinking that can't be the real situation because it's insane.

This is for the girls to figure out. You really don't need to get involved.

LAM524

MairePoppy said:

You shouldn't be involved in planning your shower. Your mother shouldn't have filled you in on who's paying for what. The bms aren't obligated to pay for your shower. Given the bm's financial history, which isn't anyone's business, why did you think that she would contribute to your shower?

Marie..my mother told me because my MOH is my sister. Who is a single mother raising 3 children. I really do know that they arent obligated to do anything..pay for anything accept what was agreed to for their gowns. I really do not want this shower for a whole other set of reasons. I personally feel that mine and every ones finances is nobody business but she has been in need so many times and requested our help so it becomes somewhat our business...at least in the way we choose to assist her. Knowing her, it would not surprise me that she couldn't contribute...It just really upset me how she just dismissed it...without care or concern.  Now Im worried about her gown and hotel costs (which she is suppose to split with my MOH).

manateehugger

LAM2228 said:

MairePoppy said:

You shouldn't be involved in planning your shower. Your mother shouldn't have filled you in on who's paying for what. The bms aren't obligated to pay for your shower. Given the bm's financial history, which isn't anyone's business, why did you think that she would contribute to your shower?

Marie..my mother told me because my MOH is my sister. Who is a single mother raising 3 children. I really do know that they arent obligated to do anything..pay for anything accept what was agreed to for their gowns. I really do not want this shower for a whole other set of reasons. I personally feel that mine and every ones finances is nobody business but she has been in need so many times and requested our help so it becomes somewhat our business...at least in the way we choose to assist her. Knowing her, it would not surprise me that she couldn't contribute...It just really upset me how she just dismissed it...without care or concern.  Now Im worried about her gown and hotel costs (which she is suppose to split with my MOH).

Then just decline your shower - then no one has to spend any money.  

Is she supposed to sob about being unable to contribute to your wedding shower?

LAM524

double post

manateehugger

LAM2228 said:

lemclane said:

Ditto @PDKH. You cannot possibly be for real. Whatever decisions your friend makes about her finances are her business -- NOT yours. If she is irresponsible and a spendthrift, that's on her. If she can't afford the dress for your wedding, then she has taken herself out of your wedding. A BM's sole job is to get the dress and show up on time. That's it. If she doesn't want to pay for the party, that's a fair decision. She doesn't have to. Is it rude if she shows up and pretends she's a co-host? Yes, it is. But that's on her, not on you. But stop judging her and trying to spend her money for her.

lem...I am. You are right her fiances are her business and not mine and I wish that I really could live like this in this friendship but I sometimes I can't....otherwise I would tell her when she is in need of my help that its none of my business. It doesnt phase me in the least if she shows up and pretends to be co-host to our guests..whats the alternative? She wear a sign that says. I didnt help pay for this, Im a fake co-host!   I just feel bad for my other BM's and MOH and I feel responsible for her part.

aurianna

If she wants to be involved in the shower as a host she will talk to the other bridesmaids and agree on her role (help decorate / plan activities / clean up / whatever) and if she performs the role that the bridesmaids agree upon (their decision, not yours), and the want to let her help host, they will (not everyone needs to donate identical financial support to be a hostess).
If she doesn't want to do that or the girls would prefer to keep all plans / setup between the financial backers, then she won't be a host.
She won't be greeting guests at the door. She won't be running activities. She won't be coordinating the food. Her name won't be on the invite. etc.
It's very possible that the guests will realize she is not one of the hostesses. And even if they don't... how does this add up in the grade scheme of things? It doesn't really.
Give hostess gifts to the girls who are hosting and not Cherie if it makes you feel better. And in your thank you notes to the BMs, put an extra heartfelt note about hosting your shower that Cherie won't get.

This is not a big deal. The world won't end if Aunt Suzy thinks that Cherie was one of the hostesses when she wasn't.

Let your BMs sort it out. It's not something you need to get worked up over.

Or, decline the shower.

Viczaesar

You are not making logical sense, OP.

LAM524

@aurianna...no, she isn't getting evicted right now.

"After speaking with a few of my BM's they expressed very strong opinions about contributing to the "event" (which they all planned) and reached out to my MOH." Im sorry, I wasn't very clear and somewhat vague in detail trying to keep my OP as short as possible. In replying to all your posts, Im afraid this wont be so short.

 My sister called our mother and told her that she was informed that the shower was her responsibility as MOH therefore she was going to do it herself and "not take the BM's money" I spoke with a few of my BM's. I asked them to tell me what was the plan without telling me the surprise "because there seems to be some confusing going on" which I honestly thought was my mothers. They all told me that they ALL planned the "event" and settled on a budget and agreed to divide the expenses, they knew nothing about my sister doing it herself. (This wasnt a surprise to me because as soon as my mothers call ended with my sis, my mother called me. I immediately sent a quick text to my sister and told her to hold off on the emails to the BM's until I call her. She agreed).  I then called my sister and she explained that everyone did agree and made the plans but someone told her it was MOH duty. I explained it wasnt her "duty" and to stick with the plan or dont do it at all. Again she insisted that it was her duty and it was wrong to take money from the BM's. The discussion got heated when I told her that I didnt even want a shower (she told me that I was "stealing their joy & I said thats ridiculous! Boy, wrong thing to say!)  So I reached out, again, to those same BM's and asked them to please call her and reassure her. One BM actually got a bit upset about the possibility of being excluded. Cherie was not one of the BM's I called. She was on duty. Only after she came to visit, did I explain what was going on. She confirmed that they had all agreed and then made that frekkin awful remark.

@PDKH...My reason for  bringing up her "loan" (and the evictions) was to show that the way she irresponsibly chooses to spend her money and not keep her commitments makes offers suffer the consequences. Her thoughtless, careless remark about "not being able to throw anything their way because she is broke..." pissed me off and hurt me for the BM's who Im sure are counting on her.  Because 1) she WASNT broke, 2) she made a comittment, and 3) she totally disregarded the fact that she has at least 7-8 months to "throw something" their way even if its not all of what was agreed! She showed no regard for them!

But honestly, this is the least of my concerns/anger/frustration. In spending all of that money, she showed no regard to her real future needs such as school clothes for the kids, putting some money aside to get her ahead for rent etc. You can say this is none of my business, but it was last year when I purchased their school clothes. Or that night she visited me when she had no gas money! Or 4 weeks ago when an investigator from Child Protection Services called me. She makes a good living. Far better then me or my MOH. She makes a better living then all of my BM's. When she suffers her financial problems, I do too. When I help her, I suffer financially. When I cant help her I suffer emotionally. Yes, I am pissed at her because I can see the writing on the wall. This last eviction caused her to live with a stranger. Her and her children! She complained all the time. I thought for sure that she hit her bottom and I had high hopes (and believed her) when she said things would be different, especially because she was under investigation and there was risk that she would lose her chilrden and her job! Honestly, in a very selfish way, I was counting on her "change" but she didnt learn. Is it my problem, my children?  No! But for Gods sake, can you deny the needs of children...children you love? Would you be unaffected and not moved to help when an autistic child goes into schizophrenic behavior every single time "someone steals" his house. Am I contributing to her dysfunction, with the rescues? Im sure I am...but I dont know how to stop.

Im happy you werent "embarrassed" in that example you gave me but she get embarrassed. So I feel the burden of paying her part for her sake and the BM's sake. I dont want her taking advantage of them and I feel somewhat responsible because she is my friend and BM and I introduced her to them. My feelings of guilt/burden pisses me off, so in essence, Im pissing myself off. Did I want her to cry instead of showing no care or concern. No! She does that enough when she needs help. As Im writing this, I beginning to wonder if she has a real "shopaholic" problem.

@viczaesar...Im sure that I didn't. Hope this post gives some clarity. @aurianna....she will be doing all of those things as a co-host, I hope. I wouldnt want it any other way, for her sake and the BM's sake. I will show her my appreciation because even if she doesnt contribute financially, and I pay her part, (I would give the money to her so she can give it to whoever needs it) she will contribute physically, I assume.  Thanks to you both for putting the shower issue into perspective, it is theirs to work out. Im very uncomfortable about the shower in the 1st place. Trust me when I say that I do not want it.

 

Viczaesar

Hold up - there's nothing "frecking awful" about what she said. How she spends her money is none of your business, period. If you don't want to pay for things for her, woman up and say no. If she can't get her finances straight to pay for school clothes for her kids, why on earth do you think she'd get them straight enough to help pay for a completely optional party for you? Why is this even remotely a surprise? People do not change who they are just because you're getting married. You need to step out of all of this altogether. They can go on and plan a shower for you with their available budget, and she won't be one of the hosts. She will go on being her usual, financially irresponsible self, especially if people keep enabling her. (Speaking of, what did you tell CPS when they called?)

wittykitty14

Here's what I think:

1.) Stay out of your shower.  They will figure it out on their own.  If you don't want one, tell them so.  They'll get over it.

2.) Stay out of your friend's finances.  I know you want to help her, but it is not your responsibility.  Just say "No" to her requests.  (I get that it's hard to do this though.  I personally can't stand it when people complain about being "broke", when that's clearly because of their life choices and not due to a lack of income.)

3.) Why did you ask this friend to be a BM in the first place?  It doesn't seem like you have a high opinion of her.

4.) This is my most important point: How are her children doing?  They sound very neglected to me.  This would be my most important priority in this situation.  Their needs need to be be met, and it doesn't sound like they are.  Somebody needs to advocate for these children.

AddieCake

You say you don't want the shower. Decline it. Problem solved. Next. 

MuppetFan

I got through some of your posts, I don't have time to read the book you just wrote but I get the gist.

You can have concern for her as your sister, but her finances and life choices have absolutely nothing to do with your wedding.

Your bridal party can continue without her contribution and absorb more individually or reduce costs overall....or eliminate your shower. You can decline your shower.

MairePoppy

Lam - if your friend promised to contribute a certain amount of $$ to the shower and you know that she won't, give your sister a heads up on that. Better yet, tell your mom to do it. Sorry, but I still think that your mom shouldn't have involved you with this issue. 

It seems like cancelling the shower would solve the problem and may be the best solution. Or, against my better judgement, you could slip the money to your mom to give to her sister., swear her to secrecy and never, ever mention that you did this, because the bride shouldn't be hosting her own shower. Please know that you're breaking an etiquette rule if you do that, so not even your sister should know. Better yet, tell your sister that you would love an old fashioned cake and punch shower with just your very closest family members and friends. A sheet cake from the grocery store bakery or homemade cake and punch would run her less than $50. The other bms could contribute snacks or ice cream to go with the cake. This type of shower should be held after lunch or dinner. So there, you have some options.

Plan on your friend not being in your wedding party. It doesn't sound likely that she will come through with the dress on time. If she doesn't have the dress, she has removed herself from the wedding party. There's no need for you to take action. 

If you're sure that your friend is neglecting her kids, which is the bigger issue, call CPS or whatever local agency takes on the responsibility of assisting mothers and children in crisis. Don't turn your head the other way. 

ETA - I just read that CPS contacted you about a month ago about your friend and her kids. Please don't cover up for your friend. Tell what you know. 

MuppetFan

Ok then, she has no business being involved with the girl's finances at all.

Peledreamsofrain

LAM, what the sam-hill did you eat this morning? You want a woman who cant manage her finances well enough to feed and clothe her kids to muster the stength to finance your shower?

Dude, it's clearly not personal, she just sucks at something. I suck at swimming, it's nothing I do to spite people. I would hope my friends would realize I suck at swimming and not declare war when I drown.

LAM524

@Viczaesar
 Why surprised? Because I have this ridiculous habit called "hope" and along with hope comes love and faith and I tend to pray for change and hope for the best..especially after someone claims a "rock bottom hit." CPS...I spoke the truth of what I knew about the issue being investigated. The investigator (previous co worker) went off record and spoke about other things that he felt would not cause immediate removal but could add to an eventual removal if they are called on these specific things.

I agree with everyone who said I know too much about her finances but she is entitled to share her business and yes, I totally wear the "enabler" hat.  After her divorce 5 yrs. ago, her financial struggles started and the childrens needs were absolute. 2 years ago,  I feared the kids could be taken, and I couldnt let that happened. My "childhood" experience made it impossible for me to "woman up." I had to "save" them hence this dysfunctional relationship. Since this last eviction and her receiving that big money and "blowing it" I have been stressing unusually so @ Retread you are absolutely right. I have been judgemental and its creating havoc within me. If I told you that the state needs to remove the kids, would that be "too judgemental also?"

As far as my expectations of her, I know shit happens and we can't always manage but, yes, I expect people would keep their word or have an attempting spirit. She dismissed it because she is broke now and if she isnt then, she would rather spend the money to go to such and such city and  "f*@^* her "brains out."  To hell with my BM's. That IS awful!

As God is my witness, I could give a rats ass about receiving a shower (I most certainly know its not mandatory and I cant pay for it) Not that If I am blessed with one, I wouldnt be appreciative.  I just dont want people to be burdened for me or it to be thrown in my face later which is why I have declined..3x. But like its been pointed out, ultimately this issue is my BM's and I will pray for them... and her children

Thanks for all of your comments, you help me check myself..an ongoing process.   Btw...I feel my skin thickening! Yay!

LAM524

@stagemanager14...all do whatever?

zitiqueen

LAM2228 said:

@stagemanager14...all do whatever?

That's her way of saying she doesn't respect you. Because you don't deserve it.

LAM524

@zitiqueen What? Why in the world would she mean that?

cbrown828

RetreadBride said:

You know entirely too much about other people's business.

You are entirely too judgemental about your bridesmaid's business.

You really DO expect her to contribute to your shower, and that's evident in your post.  We can read between the lines.

Stay out of your shower planning, drop all of this and leave it alone.  You, and everyone else, will be much happier as a result.

Agreed. I am curious about why a shower is being planned so far in advance? If your friend from the first paragraph of the OP told you that you have a year to figure out how to invite her son, I assume your wedding is a year from now? From reading your other posts, it seems there has been a lot of confusion and drama surrounding your wedding, and I'm wondering how much of it you are creating for yourself without neccessity.

LAM524

@cbrown..Just about...10 months away. I dont know what stage of planning they are at but as far as planning this far in advance, my sister and 3 others live out of state, so Im thinking that has something to do with it and finances. Confusion doesnt seem to be my issue, drama for myself surrounding wedding, yes. Totally internal. Its really a self worth thing and not comfortable with anyone doing anything for me. So the thought of others getting hurt/pissed/burdened while doing something for me gives me a panic feeling.

edited for spelling

cbrown828

I wouldn't worry yourself over the shower. Let them sort it out, save yourself the stress. Being stressed out over what everyone else wants/does/says over the next 9 or 10 months could hurt a lot of relationships, let alone continue to cause you unnecessary anxiety.

LAM524

1covejack I will be great in 9 months....the shower will be over! jk! Thanks to knotties, Im over it! Whoever pisses on someone or burdens/insults/hurts someone in the planning process, I cant own it. Has nothing to do with me and its not me doing it! 

 @cbrown...thank you. I def. was stressing about relationship issues and no one getting hurt!   Some of the things I worried about, as "the bride," I should have never been told...most certainly unnecessary anxiety! People should have kept their concerns to themselves. As soon as I got engaged, the phone calls started. A lot of "should nots" put on me (after the congrats) that didnt take me/fiance into account/had nothing to do with me (family stuff I had forgotten about yrs ago) but I had real worry thinking about what could happen at the wedding. I decided to not project ( I usually get there after a panic or vent) a massacre at my wedding, I will invite who I WANT and whatever happens...happens and whoever comes...comes...whoever leaves...leaves (body bag or handcuffs) its not my thing. (I say that now but OMg if it happens...ugh....not going there not projecting!

Another thanks to some knotties, Ive also settled another stressful "accommodating everyone thus avoiding anyone getting hurt " (our church family)  issue, so Im at peace with that!   

Ahhhh....growing pains are good!

I never knew a wedding could be so stressful concerning relationship issue! Vendor issues will be a walk in them park!

MuppetOverlord

1covejack said:

Calm down. Your showers almost a year away. You're venting now? Dear god what will you be like in 9 months?

I missed that entirely.