Wedding Etiquette Forum

Guests requesting....

Hello everyone! I'm new - MOH in my best friend's wedding. Have been very active with planning, and have recently been getting some requests from guests. They say they don't want to "bother the bride" which is fine! I'm here to be the buffer. But some of the guests are requesting a cash bar. I've searched the forums, which have all stated cash bars are tacky, rude, etc. But they are having a dry wedding, as their budget doesn't allot for more than the non-alcoholic beverages they're already providing.

So, before I talk with the bride and groom, what do you guys think? Cash bars are pretty much the norm in our area; and other guests I've talked to (their families make up the largest part of the list, and are all on board) with having a cash bar. Would this still be considered rude?

Re: Guests requesting....

  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Hello everyone! I'm new - MOH in my best friend's wedding. Have been very active with planning, and have recently been getting some requests from guests. They say they don't want to "bother the bride" which is fine! I'm here to be the buffer. But some of the guests are requesting a cash bar. I've searched the forums, which have all stated cash bars are tacky, rude, etc. But they are having a dry wedding, as their budget doesn't allot for more than the non-alcoholic beverages they're already providing.

    So, before I talk with the bride and groom, what do you guys think? Cash bars are pretty much the norm in our area; and other guests I've talked to (their families make up the largest part of the list, and are all on board) with having a cash bar. Would this still be considered rude?

    I'm going to be frank and honest here. You have no business telling the bride and groom what to do for their reception.

    To answer your question, yes, cash bars are rude.

  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2013
    Just continue supporting your friends and stare down those rude people who nit pick the couple's decision. I would never approach my friends with some third party's idea for their wedding.
  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2013
    If someone really has the guts to say that, I would be tempted to say "there's no cash bar, but make sure you bring enough money for your meal."

    Guests have no right to dictate how someone should host a party.

    Edit: but seriously, I wouldn't say anything to them or to the bride and groom.
  • I agree with Lia and MS. Neither the guests, nor you should be telling the bride and groom what kind of wedding to have. I imagine it's just more like, "Oh, we know it's too expensive for them. That's ok!  Tell them we're happy to pay for drinks!" but it's still their party, and there are boundaries. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I would not relay any of this to the bride or groom. Guests are rude to basically state the planned reception (and a dry reception is totally fine etiquette-wise) is not good enough for them. I would probably say nothing to them AND nothing to the B&G.


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  • It's one thing if a guest has a food allergy but asking for a cash bar?  Totally rude.
  • Addie, yes, that's pretty much the way they've been asking. Haven't had anyone insanely rude say anything negative. Most guests just say they'd at least like to have the option of alcohol.

    It's something the B & G have been struggling with, since these families are BIIIIG party people.

    Thanks, everyone.I'll let it go and not mention it to them.
  • Keep supporting your friend - if you're getting these kinds of requests, she might be taking some heat also. She's planning on properly hosting her wedding (dry) so hats off to her! 

    You are right to recognize that a) cash bars are tacky and b) requesting a cash bar is ultra-tacky. I would just reply that "I have full confidence bride and groom will properly host their wedding" and leave it at that.
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  • fyrefly76 said:
    Oh, she's new!  Please don't tell her to "bean dip" them without giving her an explanation.  You guys are very difficult for new people to figure out.


    Then why didn't you tell her?! 

    OP, "bean dipping" is a TK term meaning that if someone asks you a question that is inappropriate or that you'd just rather not answer, you should deflect them.

    Guest: "Hey, tell Bride that we would really love it if they have booze available, even if we have to pay for it!"

    You: "I think they are still working out the reception details.  OMG have you tried this bean dip?  It's fantastic!"

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  • Ooooh, ok great. Thanks.

    Liaris: Have you heard of a "Santorum"? Similar to that.......it's disgusting, just letting you know.
  • Stagemanager, yes. Yes it does.
  • Sorry, I guess I just took it for granted that she knew what we meant by 'bean dipping' since OP mentioned that she's lurked long enough to know that cash bars are rude.

    I have no idea what the Texan version of bean-dipping, or a Santorum is, and I'm almost 38 years old.  I blame my sheltered mid-Western upbringing.  
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    Meddied since 6/15/13!
  • aphrodite0869aphrodite0869 member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited June 2013
    I would remind the guests that ask that this wedding is THEIR wedding not the guests and they are having their wedding the exact way they want it to be.  I would not talk to the bride or groom about this issue.  It may be the norm in your circle of friends, and that is fine but if the bride and groom wanted it, they would have saved the cash to get a bar in the first place.

    You sound like a great friend.  I hope during my wedding I have a friend who will help me as much as you are doing for your Bride. 

  • fyrefly76 said:

    Stage, I just meant that from all my etiquette reading on here, I think we have some things in common and could be friends.  And due to that, it saddens me that you got snarky with me.  Though I can take the correction, I understand that my behavior was odd, and I will only make a sad face for another five seconds before again remembering that you are super cool, and will get over this whole thing.

     



    And I'm just saying that if "snarky" saddens you, we are not likely to be friends.  No offense.  



    I kind of felt like I had gone through a rite of passage the first time a reg (surprise! it was Linger!) was snarky with me for something silly I said.
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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    K, kind of love that this thread ended up on Santorum.

    I do think that there does sort of need to be a buffer around the couple getting married. In a perfect, lovely world, no one would complain about or criticize wedding details, or brides and grooms would manage to consistently not care about those comments. But people complain and people get their feelings hurt while wedding planning, and it's great to just keep a buffer.

    So, kudos to you, MOH. Just keep fielding those questions and comments, and leave the bride and groom in the dark.
    Anniversary
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  • I'd tell such people who approach you with inappropriate questions and comments, "Sorry, but I can't pass your request on to the bride and groom.  Bean dip?"
  • ... or

    "Sorry, I can't pass on your request to the bride and groom. Santorum?"





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  • I have to say, I automatically love every single one of you now. Thanks for making my first post awesome by it ending up with Santorum.

    Liatris: I LOVE him. Got to meet him when he came to my former university. <3 Great guy.
  • Those people are being very rude.  Whatever the reason, it's the bride and grooms choice to have dry wedding, and that should be respected.  They're WAY out of line.

    I'm having a dry wedding, for personal and non-budget reasons.  I would be offended if someone asked if we could just do a cash bar anyway.  I would be even more horrified if someone approached my MOH about it.  To me, that's even more rude than asking the couple directly.

     

  • *momentarily is tempted to click. Turns around, walks blissfully and ignorantly away*
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Not only was this almost my exact reaction to reading the wiki article, but I could watch this particular gif for hours....  If I could *love* it more than once I would, stage.
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