help!!

tiffanyohio1228

I am 24 and I got married when I was 22 (august 2011). After a year of absolute hell I decided I couldnt take it anymore and left my exhusband. After only a week of being seperated I started hanging out with a man who I am now dating... I have never felt like this before not even with my ex... Our marriage was rushed into and neither of us were ready for it. My now boyfriend and I have talked about marriage and the idea has been brought up quite a few times lately... I am positive I have found my soulmate and my best friend but I am afraid.of what people will say and think since my last marriage only.lasted a year. He says he just wants a small wedding with just our.immediate family, but I want a real wedding. I hated everything about my first wedding... It was fun dont get me wrong.but that's only because I have an awesome family and fun friends but everything else totally sucked. I feel like I was robbed of that "dream day" and I want a small backyard like wedding with a BBQ and bonfire type reception but a real wedding nonetheless.... What do I do? I don't want people to think I'm just doing it to get gifts or be the center of attention or something like that or that I'm one of those people who have a million marriages.... I want this one to be the last one!

MikesAngie

Have the type of wedding you and your BF want and can afford.  

If you at the end of the day ended up married you had a real wedding - there is nothing wrong with having a small and intimate wedding, or a big blow out with all the trimmings.  The wedding ceremony and the party afterward only last for that day, the important part is the marriage and how it works. 

The only thing that we will caution you about is following etiquette in other words you cannot request a bridal shower or other parties; but if they are offered and you choose to accept that is fine. 

Also because you are young please make sure you have not jumped from one relationship into another just to keep from being alone. Based on what you said you went from being married to hanging out with your now boyfriend within a week.  Usually there is a certain amount of healing and soul searching that needs to occur to make sure you are healthy (emotionally) and ready for a healthy relationship.  That is just my 2 cents, you can do what you wish with that. 

Jells2dot0

I was engaged at 22 and married at 24. My marriage lasted only 2 years. I, too, met my now DH during my divorce process. We started dating when my divorce was final and we dated for 6 years before getting married. I was young and had a lot of growing up to do before I could even think about getting married again, even though I knew I had met an amazing man and wanted him to be my husband. We had a small wedding (just the two of us) last year in Australia. We both agreed on the type of wedding we wanted, so that made it a little easier. But, I do not see how having a small and intimate wedding is somehow a bad thing. In fact, I wanted a small, intimate wedding the first time, and was talked out of it by my family. My small, private wedding was ten millions times more meaningful and special than my six figure classic, traditional wedding. However, I think what you are asking for is actually small and intimate. It just sounds like he wants a few less people.

 It seems to me that a few things need to occur in your situation.

1) absolutely take your time with this. If he truly is "the one", he's not going anywhere. Speaking from experience, I changed immensely between my marriage at 24, my divorce at 26, and my second marriage at 32. As I grew, we grew as a couple, so when I did marry last year, it was just that much more meaningful. And as @Mikes said, whether we all realize it or not, we all have things to recover and learn from in our divorces. Take the time to recover and learn more about yourself.

2) It sounds like you two are not far apart on what type of wedding to have. I think a good conversation needs to occur. Talk to him and tell him your idea- backyard BBQ- and tell him that you feel this is the nice, intimate setting he imagined, but you were hoping to have a few more people around to share in your special day. Explain why it's important to you to have certain people there. You can also compromise with him up front. Only have family present for the ceremony, but then have a larger reception with friends. People will understand that you only wanted family to be a part of the ceremony because they will still be present to celebrate with you afterwards.

3) even if you do decide to get engaged right away, take your time in planning. Involve your BF in planning and it may be that as you are looking at ideas and options, you will both change your idea of what you want.