Overstepping with Bridal Shower?

moosette113

Hi everyone,

Long time lurker; first time poster. I have been able to avoid many etiquette faux pas up until this point in the planning process (mostly due to the sound advice given on this board) and I'm hoping you can offer some suggestions about my current predicament. 

My lovely bridesmaids offered to host a bridal shower for me and began the planning process last weekend. In the few days since they called me (as well as my mother, step mother, and FMIL) with the planned date, I have been fielding calls from the mothers with various (and in my opinion, unreasonable) complaints. For example, my FMIL has called to whine that it's way too far for her to travel (Philadelphia to Central NJ) so the party should be held closer to her, even if my entire family lives in Northern and Central NJ. 2 hours after putting out the fire with my FMIL, my step mother tried to add 7 more people to a 35 person guest list (some of those 7 were her cousins who I am 99% sure do not know my name) which resulted in some rather hostile phone conversations. 

I don't want to overstep, but I also don't want to have my friends subjected to the unreasonable complaints of the 2 mothers (my mother has thus far remained silent). Did I already overstep as a bride by fielding any of those conversations? Is it alright for me to continue to run interference or should I remove myself from the equation entirely and refer the mothers to speak with my bridesmaids about shower related things? Thanks!!!

Pookieson

When my shower came around there were a few similar issues with not liking the venue, wanting people not invited to the wedding to come to the shower things like that.  I simply said that I was not hosting my own shower so those were questions that needed to be directed at my bridesmaids.  They never were brought up to them because they were too embarrassed to bring it up.  They were comfortable bitching to me, but not my friends.  This stopped most of the crazy.

TheBaysideBride

It would be hard for the BMs to field complaints from FMIL. I think you handled her well, and that's not that far of a distance. As for guest list and any other details, have a BM do the rest, just to keep you sane.

BangBangs39

I think you handled it correctly.  Its a dated tradition that the bride cannot be involved I the shower.  Especially with family drama related things like that.  Good luck with your shower!!

bopple321

I don't think you overstepped.  I also have step-families, as does my fiance, and I would never want my MOH to have to handle all of the requests or complaints made by all of the moms/stepmoms involved.  Your BMs can handle most of the stuff, but when "family drama" starts to come up, I think it's better that you step in.  It's not your BMs family, and it might be putting them in a very awkward position.  But Shannon makes a good point, if you do refer all of these questions to your MOH, your family might just let it go because they don't feel comfortable enough to bring it up with her. 

[Deleted User]

The extra guests I think you should deal with because the next thing she'll do is say "well they came to bridal shower (or were invited) so they have to be invited to the wedding now. That does impact you so that part is important. Other details of the shower, let your BM deal with & let them know you are available if they have any questions on the guest list or anthing else.

misssunshine17

I think youre fine. I think sometimes it can be tough for BMs to figure out family dynamics.

moosette113

Thank you, everyone. I've actually known MOH for over 15 years and she has basically been a fixture in both my mother and father's houses. Unfortunately, I don't think pointing the mothers (at least my mother and SM) in her direction will lessen the complaints. MOH has been witness to enough family drama that they don't feel the need to shield her anymore.

But as long as it doesn't seem pushy, controlling, or rude for me to get involved in these types of situations, I will willingly jump in. I just want my bridesmaids to still be my friends by the end of this :-)

erinlin25

I would say sorry FMIL, the hostess of the shower has control of its location; and sorry SM, the hostess has given me a limit on the guest list and I am uncomfortable inviting people I personally do not know well.