Difficulty choosing a MOH?

BekaZee

I just got engaged a few days ago, and we planned on the wedding to be July of 2015. I know that gives me plenty of time to choose a bridal party, but it's seeming like such a daunting task!! I have two very close friends that i've considered to be my MOH, but i want to make sure i make the right decision. On one hand, my friend K. that i've known the longest (12 years), visited with most often, and the first i told i was engaged, but is incredibly shy and passive and has difficulty making any decisions and has no idea how to plan. On the other hand, my friend M. i've known for about 8 years, done all my extra activities with (sports and such), who is very kind and considerate and loves to plan parties and things and is organized to the max. Would it be rude of me to pick M. because she's a good friend who i know i can trust with helping me plan the wedding? I want them both in my wedding party, as either a BM or MOH.

Did anybody else have big wedding dilemmas like this? How did you choose a MOH? My mother is no help since she had her sister as her MOH, but i have two that are very close in age so it would be unfair of me to pick just one. Any advice is appreciated!

calliopeia2013

You can ask them both, but you shouldn't be asking your MOH (or any of your wedding party) to help you plan unless they volunteer.  (So, yes, it's rude to pick someone as MOH just because you think they'll help you the most.)  Or you can ask both of your sisters to be your MOHs and have these two friends as BMs.  Many, many people have two MOHs (or none!) these days, and it's really better to do that than to artificially single someone out when there's no natural, automatic answer.

BUT...and this is a big but...don't ask anyone until 6-12 months before your wedding.  Friendships change a lot over time, and you just won't be able to know for sure if, a year from now, there will turn out to be someone you'd much rather have asked.

cbrown828

Why can't both of your sisters be MOH if you can't choose between them? Choosing a MOH is not about who is better at planning parties, it's about who is nearest and dearest to your heart. I assume that when you mention planning, you are talking about your MOH  throwing you a shower and a bachelorette. Those pre-wedding celebrations are a gift, and not something you should be expecting someone to plan because of a title you bestowed upon them.

As far as asking your MOH/bridesmaids to help plan your wedding, I agree with calli. You shouldn't ask for their help unless they volunteer. If you need help planning your wedding, you've got a fiance for that. No one is going to be as excited about your wedding as you are, so keep your expectations realistic. Rethink your reasons for choosing one of your friends and/or sisters to be MOH, and go from there.

BekaZee

calli- Good thing i'm taking a long engagement Thanks for your response!

cbrown- Thanks for responding. By planning i meant bouncing ideas off them, both my fiance and I are rather indecisive

Another of my concerns is the ages of my sisters... They will be 14 and 16 at the time of my wedding and I'm worried at that age they may not want the "attention" of being MOHs at the wedding ceremony. However, like calli said, time goes on and things change, so we'll have to see how it goes

Viczaesar

When does a 14 year old and 16 year old not want attention?

AddieCake

I firmly believe that if you find choosing a wedding party a daunting task, you're doing it wrong. 

ETA: How does the MOH get any more "attention" during the ceremony than the rest of the bridesmaids?  Both of mine stood there holding flowers.