What to do about bridesmaids

ginger2431

I recently got engaged, and have been trying to figure out who I want to be in my bridal party.  Obviously my sister is going to be my MOH, and two of my best friends since high school are going to be bridesmaids.  However, there is another girl who I wasn't too close with in high school, but we've started getting a lot closer over the last year, and I'm contemplating asking her to be one as well.  Unfortunately, there is another girl who I've been really close with since high school, and she, one of my best friends, and the girl I've been getting closer to are the group I hang out with the majority of the time.  The girl who I was close to in high school has been really rude lately, and actually started giving me the silent treatment for the past two weeks because her ex-boyfriend doesn't want to get back with her, and she blames my best friend and myself.  I know if I ask the other girl who I wasn't close with before but am now, and not her, it will cause irreparable damage to our friendship.  However, I also know that if she's in the bridal party she will cause unnecessary drama.  Should I ask her and have a bridal party that's larger than I want?  Would it be acceptable to ask her, but also ask her to stay relatively sober and not cause drama (she has been banned from four bars for flashing people)?  Or should I just not ask her, and accept the fact that it will probably destroy our friendship?

aurianna

ginger2431 said:

I recently got engaged, and have been trying to figure out who I want to be in my bridal party.  Obviously my sister is going to be my MOH, and two of my best friends since high school are going to be bridesmaids.  However, there is another girl who I wasn't too close with in high school, but we've started getting a lot closer over the last year, and I'm contemplating asking her to be one as well.  Unfortunately, there is another girl who I've been really close with since high school, and she, one of my best friends, and the girl I've been getting closer to are the group I hang out with the majority of the time.  The girl who I was close to in high school has been really rude lately, and actually started giving me the silent treatment for the past two weeks because her ex-boyfriend doesn't want to get back with her, and she blames my best friend and myself.  I know if I ask the other girl who I wasn't close with before but am now, and not her, it will cause irreparable damage to our friendship.  However, I also know that if she's in the bridal party she will cause unnecessary drama.  Should I ask her and have a bridal party that's larger than I want?  Would it be acceptable to ask her, but give her a list of conditions that she needs to abide by if she wants to stay in my bridal party?  Or should I just not ask her, and accept the fact that it will probably destroy our friendship?

To the bolded a big NO.
Asking someone to be a bridesmaid is an honor you bestow upon your nearest and dearest, and their accepting and standing by you on the wedding day is the honor they give you.

"I want to honor you at my wedding... but here's this big list of demands" just doesn't jive.


But the simple answer is: wait.
Wait to ask your bridal party until your wedding is 6-8 months out. By then you'll have a better idea where your friendships stand. (it will also let them have a better idea of what their budget will be when you ask them for it before picking out the dress)

ETA:
Though as far as drama goes... I think you'll find that the only time there's ever much drama within a bridal party it's when the bride is forcing togetherness time.
A bridesmaid's only responsibility is to buy the dress, show up sober and on time to the wedding, stand beside you and smile for pictures.
Some brides force all their BMs to all go with her to see the dress, to all go to fittings for their BM dresses together when it's not really necessary, sit at a head table at a wedding without their dates, show up to get ready hours before the wedding, expect bridesmaid thrown showers and bach parties despite their not being mandatory etc...
If you make events optional "hey, I'm looking for my dress. You are all welcome to come if you want," "I'm getting ready at location XYZ the day of the wedding; you're all welcome to join if you want" but not set any high expectations for togetherness time, odds are there won't be as much drama because you won't have girls trapped with each other who will eventually blow.

MyNameIsNot

Who would you call at 2 am if you needed to hide a party?  That's your WP.  Don't use drama and who you were close to in high school to determine who you ask.

Also, your post reads like you are still in high school.  You are a grown woman about to get married.  Garbage about the silent treatment because someone's boyfriend whatever is for children.  If people around you are still behaving like this, cut them out of your life.  If you are old enough to be married, you are too old for that stuff.  

AddieCake

Ditto MNIN. My bridesmaids were 2 of the 3 people in this world I could call at 2 a.m. if I needed to hide a body. No more, no less. I honestly believe that if you have to think about who your bridal party will be, you're doing it wrong. 

Jen4948

If things are still the same 6 to 8 months from now, I wouldn't ask either of those girls, because they haven't been acting like good friends-especially the one who would cause drama, and to play it safe I wouldn't ask the other one either.

Addie gives a good criterion for picking a bridesmaid-it doesn't sound to me like either of those girls fall in that category.

she22ybe22y

"It's like trying to find a nice way to tell someone they're ugly."  Ha ha ha!!!  Love it!