Wedding Etiquette Forum

grooms parents walk down the isle with processional?

Hello Everyone,
My groom is a little offended that his parents don't walk down the isle during the processional (we will be having a traditional Catholic wedding ceremony). I really want this moment focused on my family and me. He is upset because he feels his parents don't have a special part in our wedding ceremony eventhough I have agreed to have a dual language ceremony (the groom and his family are Polish, What are the rules regarding who participates in the processional. I need back up!
Any advice would be great.
Thanks
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Re: grooms parents walk down the isle with processional?

  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2013
    Ok, granted, the groom's parents don't usually participate in the processional during a Catholic ceremony...but WTF?  You aren't the only person getting married here, and your family isn't getting married at all.  Your groom is part of this day too. It's HIS wedding too.  You need to take a serious step back and realize that it's not all about you and what you want.  You're making yourself sound super self-centered and entitled. Please show us you aren't.

    ETA: I always think of the processional starting when the bridesmaids start down the aisle. Parents are usually seated before this. I guess a lot of people consider parent seating part of the processional, and I can see that.  I was thinking the groom wanted his parents to walk down right before the bride or something like that.
  •                I've been to plenty of Catholic weddings at which the groom's mother was seated during the processional. Why are you against this? The ceremony is not about you and your family-it's about joining the two of you-and by extension, your families. I don't blame the groom for being upset, and frankly, his nationality has nothing to do with it.
        
      
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  • Hello Everyone,
    My groom is a little offended that his parents don't walk down the isle during the processional (we will be having a traditional Catholic wedding ceremony). I really want this moment focused on my family and me. He is upset because he feels his parents don't have a special part in our wedding ceremony eventhough I have agreed to have a dual language ceremony (the groom and his family are Polish, What are the rules regarding who participates in the processional. I need back up!
    Any advice would be great.
    Thanks
    You realize that his family will become part of your family after you are married?
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  • Okay, before everyone jumps to conclusions, I am not against it I was just wondering if it was traditional or not. We are incorporating MANY cultural and personal elements that are reflecting of his culture and family. I was just feeling that the walk down the isle was my moment that's all. Thank you all for your clear and sound advice. Clearly this is Not the area to share honest thoughts and feelings. 
  • Okay, before everyone jumps to conclusions, I am not against it I was just wondering if it was traditional or not. We are incorporating MANY cultural and personal elements that are reflecting of his culture and family. I was just feeling that the walk down the isle was my moment that's all. Thank you all for your clear and sound advice. Clearly this is Not the area to share honest thoughts and feelings. 
    You're going to get your moment, unless there are other women in big white dresses and veils walking down the aisle before you. 

    Stop worrying about it.  His parents get seated. Your mom gets seated. Your FI enters in some fashion.  You walk down the aisle with your dad (assuming you're doing it truly traditionally, like you said). You and your new husband walk back up the aisle together.  Everyone gets a moment. And if your 'honest thoughts and feelings' are all about the groom's mother stealing your thunder, then you need an attitude adjustment.
  • Every wedding I have ever been to has had the groom's parents as part of the processional. It goes grandparents, groom's parents, MOB, groom stands up at the front, BMs and GMs (or just BMs with the GMs already at the front) ring bearer and FG (or RB and then FG) and then the bride.

  • Hello Everyone,
    My groom is a little offended that his parents don't walk down the isle during the processional (we will be having a traditional Catholic wedding ceremony). I really want this moment focused on my family and me. He is upset because he feels his parents don't have a special part in our wedding ceremony eventhough I have agreed to have a dual language ceremony (the groom and his family are Polish, What are the rules regarding who participates in the processional. I need back up!
    Any advice would be great.
    Thanks
    What in the...

    Seriously?
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  • Every wedding I have ever been to has had the groom's parents as part of the processional. It goes grandparents, groom's parents, MOB, groom stands up at the front, BMs and GMs (or just BMs with the GMs already at the front) ring bearer and FG (or RB and then FG) and then the bride.
    Well, with variation, of course. I've never seen grandparents as part of a processional, but there's nothing wrong with that. Some people don't have living grandparents, or ones they're close to. Some people don't have living parents, or ones they're speaking to. And some don't have a full wedding party, or not.

    What @lovesclimbing has absolutely right is that if you're doing it, it's sort of a fair back and forth. You can't totally include your parents, and not his, unless his are evil gnomes he's not even speaking to. Imagine if it was the other way around. You don't have to include parents in a processional at all, but if you're going to, it would be rude to only include yours.
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    White Knot


  • AISLE NOT ISLE.

    I've been to several Catholic ceremonies, and in all of them, the groom's parents were a part of the processional.  I think you need to relax about this.  Including his parents in the processional will not take the focus off of you.
  • 32daisies said:



    Every wedding I have ever been to has had the groom's parents as part of the processional. It goes grandparents, groom's parents, MOB, groom stands up at the front, BMs and GMs (or just BMs with the GMs already at the front) ring bearer and FG (or RB and then FG) and then the bride.

    Well, with variation, of course. I've never seen grandparents as part of a processional, but there's nothing wrong with that. Some people don't have living grandparents, or ones they're close to. Some people don't have living parents, or ones they're speaking to. And some don't have a full wedding party, or not.

    What @lovesclimbing has absolutely right is that if you're doing it, it's sort of a fair back and forth. You can't totally include your parents, and not his, unless his are evil gnomes he's not even speaking to. Imagine if it was the other way around. You don't have to include parents in a processional at all, but if you're going to, it would be rude to only include yours.
    .

    Very true. My husband's grandparents were unable to be at the ceremony. Instead, we included some very special people in his life who were like grandparents. I just wanted to include all the family members possible to cover all the bases.
  • ChloeaghChloeagh member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited June 2013
    My Catholic church always has the groom's parents process down the aisle with him (ETA: as in, they walk him down the aisle the way my dad will walk me down the aisle, with my mom and stepdad ahead of us). I didn't know that was an option before, but now that I do I am so happy we are doing it. It is the uniting of our families. As in both of ours. As in it's not all about me.
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  • Every Catholic wedding (15+) I've been to has the groom's parents as a part of the processional.  I've usually seen them escort him in, but I've also seen them get seated directly before him. 

  • AddieL73 said:

    I got lost when you said, "I really want this moment focused on my family and me."  Wow. I don't even know how to respond to that. 



    This. Seriously?

    Plus, as PPs said, the groom's parents ARE part of the processional. This may be hard but you may have to share the day with your groom and his family.

    In the words of Marisa Tomei in "My Cousin Vinny," "Oh my GOD! What a f*ckin nightmare!"
  • Ditto PPs. I'm Catholic, and our order of procession is:
    FI's grandmother (who raised him) gets seated by FI's brother, who then goes and stands up front with FI an his two other groomsmen.
    My brother seats my mother, then goes up front on play my processional.
    BM enters.
    BM enters.
    MOH enters.
    RBs enter.
    FG enters.
    Daddy and I enter.

    FI's parents aren't getting seated in part of the processional because (a) his mother isn't coming and (b) his father is an asshat who barely scraped an invite to the wedding. They're not being excluded because it's ALL ABOUT ME I'M THE SPECIAL ONE, but because they're not involved in FI's life.

    If your FI wants his parents to process in, why not let them? You're being selfish, shallow and petty. Also, this is not a hill you want to die on, because these people are going to be your family for the rest of your life, and starting a fight like this isn't worth it.

    Also, it's aisle. Please learn to spell.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • All I'm going to point out is that all of this will be happening BEFORE you even walk down the aisle. And guess what: the guests at your wedding will actually stand up when you enter, so, that's even more of a "this is the bride" moment, since it appears that's what you're looking for.

    Sound advice from all other posters.
  • The most traditional procession in the Catholic Church is to have the bride & groom walk in together.  That is how it was done well before father's started to escort or give away their daughters.  Ask your priest, he will probably tell you.

    I think you are being very unfair to your groom.  It IS his wedding too as PP have said.  
  • Sorry, I don't have any backup for you. You're being selfish. Check with your individual church about the rules.
  • I think you are WRONG. enough said. It is WEDDING for both of you. Trust me, nobody is gonna take th attention from you
  • Ok, granted, the groom's parents don't usually participate in the processional during a Catholic ceremony...but WTF?  You aren't the only person getting married here, and your family isn't getting married at all.  Your groom is part of this day too. It's HIS wedding too.  You need to take a serious step back and realize that it's not all about you and what you want.  You're making yourself sound super self-centered and entitled. Please show us you aren't.

    ETA: I always think of the processional starting when the bridesmaids start down the aisle. Parents are usually seated before this. I guess a lot of people consider parent seating part of the processional, and I can see that.  I was thinking the groom wanted his parents to walk down right before the bride or something like that.

    not true. I am catholic and it even asks in the "church booklet" if they plan on walking. My in-laws chose not to because that was difficult for them walkign wise, but the church lady DID ask them if they wanted to
  • Hello Everyone,
    My groom is a little offended that his parents don't walk down the isle during the processional (we will be having a traditional Catholic wedding ceremony). I really want this moment focused on my family and me. He is upset because he feels his parents don't have a special part in our wedding ceremony eventhough I have agreed to have a dual language ceremony (the groom and his family are Polish, What are the rules regarding who participates in the processional. I need back up!
    Any advice would be great.
    Thanks
    Your groom should be offended. You want the procession to be about you and your family, but what about him and his family? You DO realize this is his wedding ceremony, too, right? He's getting married just as much as you are.
    The only rules would be the ones dictated by your venue and even then, if you don't agree with them, you can find a new venue.

    I seriously urge you and your fiance to get on the same page as far as what your expectations and hopes are for your wedding.
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  • Seriously? You're wrong. So, so, so wrong. 
  • If you want it focused only on "you and your family," it's not a wedding.  At least it's not to me.

    Weddings involve a combining of two families-not just honoring one.

    When you're ready for a wedding, then perhaps we can give you advice you'll want to hear.  But not as long as you've mistaken the word "wedding" for "glorifying the bride and her family alone."
  • If you want it focused on you and your family, why have a groom at all!? 

    You are getting married--so is your groom.  Let his parents walk in the processional.  I have never been to a wedding (even a catholic one) wear the groom's parents did not walk in the processional.  The last Catholic wedding I went to, the groom walked with his mother down the aisle-- just like my groom did with his mom. 


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  • How old are you? 

    I didn't see anything but honest advice.  Or did you mean you wanted sugar-coated, agree-with-everything-you-say advice?
    Where there is love, there is life.-Ghandi
  • Chloeagh said:
    My Catholic church always has the groom's parents process down the aisle with him (ETA: as in, they walk him down the aisle the way my dad will walk me down the aisle, with my mom and stepdad ahead of us). I didn't know that was an option before, but now that I do I am so happy we are doing it. It is the uniting of our families. As in both of ours. As in it's not all about me.
    I LOVE that idea!
    ~*~June 21, 2014~*~


  • edited August 2013
    Post removed due to GBCK
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

    image

    Anniversary

  • Thank you to the useful replies. In all the books I have read his parents were not included so I am glad to know they are and typically the parents are seated. I am new to this wedding thing and my fiance wanted his parents to enter before my father and I. I disagreed with that. I am happy to have them seated and am glad to know you can also include grandparents in this.
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