Cash/open bars & not bringing cash to a wedding

BangBangs39

I've never been to a wedding where the bar was open - but if it was I would still tip the bartender - that being said, I've also never encountered not being able to use a card to pay... Since I stopped working weekends at a restaurant I too rarely have cash and rely heavily on my debit card, however all the weddings/events I've attended at a venue have never denied a card before, it seems odd to me that they would, if they have enough sales the fees are just a drop in the bucket.  As a business minded person, I'd rather make a sale then lose a sale.

HeatherSP13

I was at a wedding last weekend that was an open bar.  I didn't want to carry a purse so I gave my ID & cash to my husband ahead of time.  We tipped $1 a drink.  I guess we are good tippers.  Just because tips are built in doesn't mean we can't help someone who is in service industry.  We don't make a lot but we are always good tippers at restaurants.

NOLAbridealmost

HeatherSP13 said:

I was at a wedding last weekend that was an open bar.  I didn't want to carry a purse so I gave my ID & cash to my husband ahead of time.  We tipped $1 a drink.  I guess we are good tippers.  Just because tips are built in doesn't mean we can't help someone who is in service industry.  We don't make a lot but we are always good tippers at restaurants.

That's really nice of you, but not necessary. The OP insinuated that anyone who doesn't carry cash to a wedding is a cheapskate who doesn't tip. We're not stiffing anyone though by just assuming that the hosts are "good tippers" and not bringing cash.

Pepper6

What do you all tip at bars out of curiosity?  Funny story, when my dad went to Vegas the first time, he didn't know drinks were free in the casino, so he gave the cocktail waitress a $20 and then wondered why she didn't come back with his change.  She did come back to him often though, so now that's what he always does if he's planning to stay in one place for a while.

BangBangs39

I usually tip $1 - $2 a drink. 

Jen4948

HeatherSP13 said:

I was at a wedding last weekend that was an open bar.  I didn't want to carry a purse so I gave my ID & cash to my husband ahead of time.  We tipped $1 a drink.  I guess we are good tippers.  Just because tips are built in doesn't mean we can't help someone who is in service industry.  We don't make a lot but we are always good tippers at restaurants.

While I'm sorry to dump on your generosity, your tipping at a wedding gives both the bartenders and other guests who see the impression that guests are *supposed* to tip when they're not.  It creates an unfounded expectation of tips that gets carried over into future weddings and occasions that are supposed to be fully paid for by the hosts.

BangBangs39

Jen4948 said:
While I'm sorry to dump on your generosity, your tipping at a wedding gives both the bartenders and other guests who see the impression that guests are *supposed* to tip when they're not.  It creates an unfounded expectation of tips that gets carried over into future weddings and occasions that are supposed to be fully paid for by the hosts.

Tipping is never mandatory - it is and always has been a way of thanking someone in the service industry for their service.  That is why tips are based on the service you receive.  I myself, have never neglected to leave a tip for someone - even if they did a crappy job, I usually tip low and let them know why.  Therefore, if someone provides me with excellent service, they're getting a tip.  Just because I do it, doesn't mean you have to.  I worked in the service industry for 12 years - as a waitress, bartender, and a server for a catering company.  I never expect a tip, only ever hope for one  because I hope I've pleased my customer enough to warrant a tip.

meggiemo

allyscud said:

My pet peeve - when you are hosting an event, for work or personally, and they put the tip bucket out there. As the host I am paying for the drinks and tips (which is typically built in). Don't try to double dip on my guests! If you go above and beyond, I will tip you on top of the built in gratuity, not my guests.

I was working an event for work and I politely asked the bartender to take the tip jar away, explaining that he would be taken care of. He did, and about an hour later he had put it back! I was so pissed! And did not tip on top of the auto-gratuity in that case!

In any case, if the bartender goes above and beyond, I would tip him, but I don't feel obligated to.

THIS. Ugh! Our bartenders did the same thing. We asked, they removed, and then wouldn't you know, it somehow magically reappeared. I, too, was pissed and just as magically as that tip jar reappeared, their gratuity from the bride and groom disappeared. Having the nerve to "ask" my guests for money when you have already been paid by us, the hosts, was absolutely appalling to me!

Jen4948

BangBangs39 said:

Jen4948 said:
While I'm sorry to dump on your generosity, your tipping at a wedding gives both the bartenders and other guests who see the impression that guests are *supposed* to tip when they're not.  It creates an unfounded expectation of tips that gets carried over into future weddings and occasions that are supposed to be fully paid for by the hosts.

Tipping is never mandatory - it is and always has been a way of thanking someone in the service industry for their service.  That is why tips are based on the service you receive.  I myself, have never neglected to leave a tip for someone - even if they did a crappy job, I usually tip low and let them know why.  Therefore, if someone provides me with excellent service, they're getting a tip.  Just because I do it, doesn't mean you have to.  I worked in the service industry for 12 years - as a waitress, bartender, and a server for a catering company.  I never expect a tip, only ever hope for one  because I hope I've pleased my customer enough to warrant a tip.

The persons who should be doing the "thanking" are the hosts-by leaving a bigger gratuity.

Not the guests.

BangBangs39

Jen4948 said:

The persons who should be doing the "thanking" are the hosts-by leaving a bigger gratuity.

Not the guests.

How would the host know that their guests were very happy with the service?  When I'm at an event - if the host asks if I'm having a good time I always say yes.  If the bartender sucks to me, he might not to other guests.  I'm not saying you have to tip - I'm just pointing out that just because you don't want to doesn't mean no one can.

Jen4948

It's not a question of "can" but rather one of "should."

I think that if the guest is very happy, what they should do is tell the host, who should then adjust the gratuity upward.  I also think that if guests tip, it creates an expectation that shouldn't be created on both the parts of the guests and the bartenders that expecting guests to tip is okay.  If the guests really want to let the venue or the servers know directly how pleased they are with the service, then they should give testimonials.

wiki8

NOLAbridealmost said:

HeatherSP13 said:

I was at a wedding last weekend that was an open bar.  I didn't want to carry a purse so I gave my ID & cash to my husband ahead of time.  We tipped $1 a drink.  I guess we are good tippers.  Just because tips are built in doesn't mean we can't help someone who is in service industry.  We don't make a lot but we are always good tippers at restaurants.

That's really nice of you, but not necessary. The OP insinuated that anyone who doesn't carry cash to a wedding is a cheapskate who doesn't tip. We're not stiffing anyone though by just assuming that the hosts are "good tippers" and not bringing cash.

Seriously?

Jen4948

wiki8 said:

NOLAbridealmost said:

HeatherSP13 said:

I was at a wedding last weekend that was an open bar.  I didn't want to carry a purse so I gave my ID & cash to my husband ahead of time.  We tipped $1 a drink.  I guess we are good tippers.  Just because tips are built in doesn't mean we can't help someone who is in service industry.  We don't make a lot but we are always good tippers at restaurants.

That's really nice of you, but not necessary. The OP insinuated that anyone who doesn't carry cash to a wedding is a cheapskate who doesn't tip. We're not stiffing anyone though by just assuming that the hosts are "good tippers" and not bringing cash.

Seriously?

If I'm not mistaken, what @NOLAbridealmost means is that people who don't carry cash to weddings and don't tip are not cheapskates, because the guests have no responsibility to pay for or tip the vendors or servers hired by the hosts.

wiki8

@Jen4948, and that would have been a fine thing to say. But I never insinuated that people who don't tip are cheapskates, which is what she actually said.

Jen4948

wiki8 said:

@Jen4948, and that would have been a fine thing to say. But I never insinuated that people who don't tip are cheapskates, which is what she actually said.

No, you didn't insinuate it.  But I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that she really meant what I said above and just didn't word it clearly enough for that to come across.

NOLAbridealmost

wiki8 said:

I was just reading the extremely entertaining threads about cash bars, and I know I see posts on here say again and again that if it were a cash bar they wouldn't have any money to pay for a drink. I am a little confused by this, because even at an open bar I always make sure to have cash to tip the bartender. I know he will likely get a cut of the gratuity from the venue, but I would always give at least a dollar or so for every drink I ordered. Do you all not tip at weddings?

Sorry if I misread your tone (it's tough to convey tone in writing), but the highlighted portions, to me, implied that you thought it was unacceptable not to leave an additional tip at weddings.  I apologize if I misread what was just a question asked out of pure curiosity--I got the impression that this was a "Of course you should be tipping at weddings" post.  

Again, my bad if I read too much into it.

RamonaFlowers

I always tip at restaurants and bars. Generously, too, unless the service is absolutely awful. I know that bartenders and waitstaff rely on tips for their actual income from the job, so tipping is important to me.

That being said, I don't tip at hosted events. This is partly because I rarely carry cash, but mostly because the host is responsible for that, not me.

wiki8

@NOLAbridealmost Nope, just genuinely curious. I did find the cash bar threads entertaining, as I usually do when people defend bad etiquette. I had just never really thought twice about the fact I was tipping before. Until I started planning my own wedding I don't think I would have realized they were already being tipped, and I was curious to see if I was the only one doing it. There have never been tip jars displayed (as there shouldn't be), so I don't think I've actually ever seen anyone else tip.

wiki8

@StageManager14 Huh, nope. Not how I meant it at all.