Invitation Wording: Bride's Divorced Parents Paying

ajordan627

All,

I'm trying to figure out how to word our wedding invitations and have two questions: First, my parents are divorced (both remarried) and are splitting the cost of our wedding 50/50 in theory.  In practice, my mom will probably end up paying a bit more than my dad.  Which one comes first on the invitation?  My mom? Or my dad? I've read that it's the party footing the majority of the bill, but if they do split everything, is there a custom on this?

Second (and trickier) question: As previously stated, both my parents are remarried.  My dad and step-mom are totally fine with the traditional "Mr. & Mrs. <Insert my dad's name>" but my mom is ADAMANTLY opposed to being "Mrs. Ron Jones*">.  She is a well-known area business woman, and would like her first and last name on the invite, preferably before my step-dad.  Would it be weird to list them "Mrs. Ann and Mr. Ron Jones" or "Mrs. Ann and Ron Jones?" My step-dad is in no way contributing financially towards the wedding (it's a weird relationship; they're married but he works for her and lives 3 hours away, they don't have any joint bank accounts, file their taxes separately, etc). My initial thought was to leave him off entirely from the invite, and my mom said she doesn't care if I do and doubted he would either.  Would that be weird? Tacky? Does it matter?  On a personal note, I don't really care for him (and I'm pretty sure the feeling's mutual) and would be perfectly fine with him not showing up to the wedding at all (but I'm probably not that lucky).  We're not inviting any of his children/family; it's a small destination wedding and limited the guest list to immediate blood family members and a handful of friends only. 

Thanks for your thoughts,

AJ

*Names changed to protect the guilty

mlg78

Mrs. Mom's Name

Mr. Dad's Name

request the honor of your presence/pleasure of your company

at the marriage of their daughter

Jen4948

Who's paying isn't relevant to how the invitation gets worded.  Paying doesn't equal hosting.

Are all of your parents acting as point persons, that is, greeting guests and seeing that their needs are taken care of at the wedding?  If not, then the persons who are should be listed as the hosts.

In your case, why don't you do

Together with their parents
Bride
and
Groom
request the pleasure of your company
as they are united in marriage
Day, Date
Year (spelled out)
Time
Venue
Address
City, State

and not list any parents by name but include them all this way.

mlg78

I disagree... It's not "together with their parents"...  The couple isn't hosting the wedding.  I DO think paying does typically mean they're hosting.  I think that's the rule more than the exception...

VadersValkyrie

We're using "Together with their families" because my parents, my fh's mom & step-father, his dad and "step-mother", and the two of us are all contributing to the wedding.

Jen4948

mlg78 said:

I disagree... It's not "together with their parents"...  The couple isn't hosting the wedding.  I DO think paying does typically mean they're hosting.  I think that's the rule more than the exception...

The financial arrangements are none of the guests' business.  They don't need to know who's paying.  Thus, the wording doesn't have to convey it.  Not only that, one can contribute money and yet do none of the things a point person would do, and I think in that case, they would not be a host.

BangBangs39

Mrs. Brides Mother & Mr. Brides Father

request the honor of your presence at

the marriage of their daughter

Brides Full Name

to

Grooms Full Name

on Date of Wedding

Time of Wedding

Location of wedding

Reception to follow

BangBangs39

CMGr said:

@BangBangs39, Sorry, but this is completely WRONG! 
1.  People who are not married to each other never go on the same line.
2.  Only proper nouns are capitalized, not "request".
3.  The ampersand is an abbreviation and is never used unless it part of the invitation artistic design.

Sometimes spacing doesn't allow for this - it's also an antiquated tradition, if the parents don't care about being on the same line than what does it really matter? I'm pretty sure people who got our invites weren't gawking about the fact that FI's parents names were on the same line. 

OP its purely an idea of wording ability - obviously don't use it if you don't like it, if the ampersand doesn't go with your "design" don't use it.  I'm sure you could have figured that out on your own though Hope you get your invites to look the way you want them!!! 

manateehugger

If spacing doesn't allow, you should look into changing fonts, point size, etc. And it matters because putting an ampersand between two people's names indicates they are married. ALWAYS. Just because you thinking it doesn't mean that, doesn't mean it doesn't.

My mother would be horrified if on my invitations I put an ampersand between her name and my father's name - her ex husband. We would be indicting to everyone that they had gotten remarried.

BangBangs39

PDKH said:

If spacing doesn't allow, you should look into changing fonts, point size, etc. And it matters because putting an ampersand between two people's names indicates they are married. ALWAYS. Just because you thinking it doesn't mean that, doesn't mean it doesn't. My mother would be horrified if on my invitations I put an ampersand between her name and my father's name - her ex husband. We would be indicting to everyone that they had gotten remarried.

I have never prior to right now heard that using an ampersand indicates marriage... never. 

AddieCake

We did "together with their families" even though the only person contributing was my dad. I liked the sound of it and he was cool with it. 

BangBangs39

@cmgr - etiquette says no where that an ampersand means your married. No where. I gave a suggestion of wording that's all. When it comes down to it there are so many variations on wording for an invitation that it is dependent on the style, spacing and preference of the bride and groom. Like I said in my other post not one person that got an invite said to themselves "oh my good graces how dare their names be together". If they said that then it's sad that this is their main concern.

libby2483

BangBangs39 said:

@cmgr - etiquette says no where that an ampersand means your married. No where. I gave a suggestion of wording that's all. When it comes down to it there are so many variations on wording for an invitation that it is dependent on the style, spacing and preference of the bride and groom. Like I said in my other post not one person that got an invite said to themselves "oh my good gracets how dare their names be together". If they said that then it's sad that this is their main concern.

Yes, in some aspects, the wording is dictated by preference. However, there are some clear etiquette rules with invitation wording, which Cmgr and others follow when giving wording etiquette. The brides who post on here want to make sure that they are using correct wording. If you don't think a rule is important, that doesn't mean it isn't important to those who are seeking to get it correct on their invitations.

BangBangs39

@Libby2483 - that's perfectly fine if someone is looking for the proper "etiquette" - I merely gave a wording suggestion - I never sad in my OP that it was proper etiquette - this is also not the etiquette board.

BangBangs39

@CMGr - what rule exactly did I propose?  Please enlighten me

libby2483

BangBangs39 said: @Libby2483 - that's perfectly fine if someone is looking for the proper "etiquette" - I merely gave a wording suggestion - I never sad in my OP that it was proper etiquette - this is also not the etiquette board. Well, brides who come to this board looking for invitation and wording advice are almost always looking for advice that follows proper etiquette.  You wouldn't go on the Wedding Party board and give the someone the advice to kick a BM out of the wedding and replace her, and then say, "I was just giving a suggestion - I never said it was proper etiquette".  This isn't any different just because the etiquette rules of invitations are less important to you.    

BangBangs39

libby2483 said:

Well, brides who come to this board looking for invitation and wording advice are almost always looking for advice that follows proper etiquette.  You wouldn't go on the Wedding Party board and give the someone the advice to kick a BM out of the wedding and replace her, and then say, "I was just giving a suggestion - I never said it was proper etiquette".  This isn't any different just because the etiquette rules of invitations are less important to you.    

Actually I tend to base my advice off real world experience not antiquated so called "rules".  I wouldn't tell anyone to just kick someone out of anything i'd tell them to talk it out first and express their feelings, not b/c etiquette dictates that its rude but because the mature adult thing to do is talk to people about how you feel.  Same logic of using real world experience goes for giving a suggestion on wording for an invitation, or related to any subject matter.  

BangBangs39

CMGr said:

Sorry, but the etiquette rules of wedding invitations are very well established.  Just because you don't agree with an etiquette rule, doesn't mean it is "antiquated".  I am right that you have never actually read an etiquette book?  I'm not trying to insult you, but most people who just make up their own rules haven't.

Again - I never made up a rule - I have read etiquette books - I again gave a suggestion - if the OP chooses to use the suggestion, fine, if she doesn't, that's fine too.  Just because you live your life according to a set of "rules" doesn't mean that every suggestion given that may not adhere perfectly to those needs attacking.  Speed limit laws are well established, do you go the speed limit everywhere?  Doubt it. 

JoanE2012

BangBangs39 said:

CMGr said:

Sorry, but the etiquette rules of wedding invitations are very well established.  Just because you don't agree with an etiquette rule, doesn't mean it is "antiquated".  I am right that you have never actually read an etiquette book?  I'm not trying to insult you, but most people who just make up their own rules haven't.

Again - I never made up a rule - I have read etiquette books - I again gave a suggestion - if the OP chooses to use the suggestion, fine, if she doesn't, that's fine too.  Just because you live your life according to a set of "rules" doesn't mean that every suggestion given that may not adhere perfectly to those needs attacking.  Speed limit laws are well established, do you go the speed limit everywhere?  Doubt it. 

Well, this is a poor suggestion. Why in the world would two divorced adults want to be joined on one line with an ampersand?  They are not a couple.  Your "real world experience", as you mentioned, is really lacking. 

OP - CMGr provides great wedding inviation wording that agrees w/ etiquette rules.  You won't embarass yourself or others if you follow her wording.

BangBangs39

CMGr said:

I never speed. 

Me either LOL