Wedding Etiquette Forum

Asking guest to rent a room.

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Re: Asking guest to rent a room.

  • edited July 2013
    Apparently you missed the part where I asked for no drama.

    Lucky for me I don't know any people who would behave the way you do.
  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2013
    I think it's perfectly fine to suggest it, but it's not really a request you should hold them to.
    Let them know of the benefits to staying there and let them decide if they want to book a room.
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  • Have a great evening
  • Think about it from the guest's perspective. If I were to receive an invite to a wedding 30 minutes away, which is still in easy driving distance, that requested that I book a room in the hotel, I was be very annoyed. It suggests that, as an adult, I'm not capable of budgeting my own time. Adults know and understand that they need to allow extra time to get somehow, and if they don't, it's on them. I understand you'll be disappointed if anyone doesn't make it, but this isn't something that you can ask and still be in the bounds of etiquette.

    Booking a room block is good. Definitely give the information to your guests, and they can choose to either book or not. Most of my guests are coming from a very long distance, like 800 miles. Some have booked the room block hotel. Others have not. Would I rather have them at the room block hotel? Sure, but I can't make them stay there.
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  • Go ahead and reserve a block of rooms and put that info on your website, but don't tell your guests they need to reserve rooms. They can make their own plans. Most people know to account for traffic when they travel.
  • wittykitty14wittykitty14 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2013

    Don't do this, OP.  It's absolutely FINE to block off rooms and let guests know that they're available.  It's a great idea to do this.  But to require them to do it because you're worried about being late?  That's just not ok.

    I know you're bummed that you made it to the other wedding late, but chances are, you didn't ruin the wedding (if the couple got married, you didn't ruin it.  They probably didn't notice either).  Inevitably, some people might be late to your wedding, as much as you try to stop that from happening.  You won't notice. Trust that your guests know how to budget their travel time and will be there to witness the whole thing.

    I'd be really offended if someone tried to force me to stay at a hotel.  Even with the reduced rates, I can almost guarantee that there'd be something cheaper in that area that I'd prefer to stay at.  And even then, I'm not going to stay overnight unless the wedding is AT LEAST 3 hours away.  I wouldn't be happy if I was told to do otherwise.

    I hope you're able to look past your frustration with our responses and see the good and honest feedback you've gotten here.  These ladies give great advice, even if you disagree with how it's presented.

    Edited for spelling

     

  • I would let guests know about the hotel block you have reserved but you can require that anyone stay.  They are adults most know how to time manage and arrive to places on time.

    Anniversary

  • People being late to your wedding won't ruin it.

    Treating grown ups like children and trying to micromanage their lives may ruin friendships though.


    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • As a bride-to-be, I can understand that you don't want people to be late or get into the same situation you were when you arrived late to/missed a wedding ceremony. I can understand that you want everyone there to witness your marriage. 
    That said, you CAN 
    offer to pay for lodging for any guests who are more than 30 minutes away, but they do not have to accept your offer. On the flip side, you CANNOT ask them to pay for it themselves and/or make it "mandatory" in any way. 

    As a guest, I would not stay in a hotel 30 minutes from my house - whether the bride offered to pay or not. Even if she told me it was "mandatory", I would stay in my own home and I would arrive 15 minutes early like I normally do. No sweat.

    It's clear that this is really worrying you. Take a deep breath and let it go. If people are late, they're late. Oh well. You're still just as married to your FI as if they were on time. Also, telling people how to post or to leave threads isn't cool. I know the responses sound harsh, but it's better that you got the dose of reality here than from your family and friends if you had gone through with this. KWIM?
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  • Ashly0788 said:
    Our wedding is still pretty far off however I am totally type a and planning ahead. Lol. That being said we recently went to a wedding that was about two hours away and even though we left quite early with traffic we were still very late. The hotel we are holding our celebration at is offering a discounted room rate for attendees. Is it rude if we request that anyone not local, meaning 30 min or less, stays at the hotel? I don't wanna sound like a bridezilla or anything but with the majority of our family falling outside that 30 min radius we would be heart broken if we couldn't have everyone there. Also we are not having a very big celebration so anyone missing would for sure stick out.

    Any help would be appreciated. But keep it clean no drama please.
    I suggest blocking rooms and letting your OOT guests know you've blocked rooms for them in case they wish to stay.  Let them know the discount available and that you can't wait to celebrate with them and leave it at that. 
  • edited July 2013
    If you want to encourage people to CHOOSE to stay overnight the night before the wedding, you should invite them all to the rehearsal dinner and inform them on the wedding website that there are blocks of rooms available at discounted rates.
  • If you require everyone to stay in the hotel before and after your wedding, maybe the hotel will comp your suite or something since you're mandating that everyone stay there and bring the hotel a ton of business. Oh wait, that's a really bad idea. If I'm traveling to a wedding, even an hour away, I always take into account time of day and traffic-I know how to look up how bad traffic is that time of day and day of the week, and it's insulting to your guests to assume that they don't know how to do this. Requiring your guests to stay in a hotel if they love more than 30 minutes away will probably make your decline rate very high. I live in DC-it would be like you requiring me to stay in a hotel if the wedding was in Arlington, which, may I add is where I work and where I commute to every day. But, it's more than 30 minutes so according to you, I probably wouldn't be able to make it to your princess day, I mean wedding, on time.
  • Very bad idea to 1. Require guests within driving distance to get a hotel room because of your inability to account for traffic and arrive at ONE wedding on time, and 2. Demand that people post a certain way.

    Yes, this is bridezilla-y behavior on your part.
  • I know you want your wedding day as stress free as possible, but you have to trust that your guests that live over 30 minutes away will leave themselves enough time. Also it's not fair to force an expense on people that they may not be able to afford. Even if they stay at the hotel there could be issues like what if their car doesn't start or they go out to their car & have a flat tire & everyone else is already gone. You can let everyone know about the block of rooms you have booked, but that is all you can do. Yes, will it be a bummer if certain people miss there ceremony because they were late, but you can't control that. We had people late to our wedding last November because both presidential candidates and their VP were in our town for political events and roads were closed while the president drove from the airport to his venue & back. This caused us major issues because the roads closed were the ones the majority of our guests needed to travel to get to the ceremony. The groom and the groomsmen just made to the church on time. But there was nothing we could do about it. Once the groom was there and parents & bridal party were in place, we continued as planned.

    Relax, you're thinking too much about this issue.

  • I'm getting married 30 minutes from where I live... Most of my guests will be traveling 30-45 minutes. Some are even from out of town and don't know their way around my city. But they are all adults, all able to look at a clock, ask for advice, use google maps and generally work it out for themselves.

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  • I would never book a hotel for the night before a wedding even if I lived an hour away. That's a waste of money to me.
    And I would be pretty put off if the bride TOLD me to do it.

    You can block rooms off and suggest it but you can't ask anybody to do so. Now, if YOU want to pay for everybody who lives outside a 30 minute radius to stay there, that's a different story!
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    Anniversary
  • It is ridiculous to expect ANYONE to stay in the hotel the night before your wedding. Even if they are flying in. Maybe they can take a red-eye the night before from across the country and arrive in time to drive to your wedding.

    People are adults. They can figure out how to arrive on time, and if they end up getting stuck behind an accident or something on the freeway, then so be it.   Even if people stay in the hotel, they could get wasted the night before and oversleep, or they could go out shopping and end up being late coming back.

    You requested "no drama", but you are the one creating it.

  • While it is fine to reserve a block of hotel rooms and provide guests with the information, it is absolutely ridiculous to request that people stay at the hotel.  They are adults, and it is way, way, way, over the line to dictate how they spend their time and money.
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