Wedding Etiquette Forum

Unusual Invitation Situation

FI's best man told us last week that he and his girlfriend may be bringing his mom to the wedding and asked if that was okay. The best man didn't say why his mom might be coming with him and asking him felt kind of nosy. We decided to just go with it and asked for his mom's name for the invitation.

Since our invitations go out at the end of this month, I was thinking about it last night and realized I have no idea how to address an invitation for the above situation. Sending the best man's mom her own invitation doesn't really feel right, since neither FI nor I have met her before. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn't have been invited. Can I include her on the invitation for the best man and his girlfriend? How would that be addressed? Our invitations don't have inner envelopes.

 

Thank you in advance for your help!

Re: Unusual Invitation Situation

  • I agree it's an odd request, but if you decide to add her to your guest list (sounds like you did) she needs her own invitation. If she has an SO, you should also invite that person. You can get her address and any other info from your best man.
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  • I don't think she should get a +1 or have her SO invited. I know that's crazy coming from me, but it's very odd. She is not coming so much as a guest of the couple as a guest of a guest. I don't even think I would send her her own invitation, to be honest. It's so random that he needs to bring his mother. Are they from out of town? Is SHE from out of town and visiting and he is worried she'll have nothing to do? I know you didn't ask, but it's very weird to me. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • AddieL73 said:

    I don't think she should get a +1 or have her SO invited. I know that's crazy coming from me, but it's very odd. She is not coming so much as a guest of the couple as a guest of a guest. I don't even think I would send her her own invitation, to be honest. It's so random that he needs to bring his mother. Are they from out of town? Is SHE from out of town and visiting and he is worried she'll have nothing to do? I know you didn't ask, but it's very weird to me. 



    Did hell freeze over?!!?

    Just kidding - I totally agree with you. She's a guest of a guest - the best man is basically getting a plus 2 a and I don't find it necessary to invite her SO. Best man didn't ask to have his parents or mom+stepdad invited, so it doesn't seem to be expected anyway.

    Honestly, I find it weird that he asked and I would have said no to avoid opening the door for more requests like this, not just from him, but from other guests who get wind of this. But if you're okay with it, just ask him for his mom's name and address and send her her own invite. He will have probably told her by now that she's invited, so she'll likely know who you are. And if she doesn't and she sends the RSVP back with a decline and "WHO ARE YOU" written across it in red ink, well, there you go.
  • The best man lives about a 9 hour drive away from where the wedding is. I honestly do not know where his mom lives; there's a good chance that she lives in a different state. He didn't grow up in the state where he lives now and I know he still has some family in his home state but I don't know who in the family resides there. FI and best man became friends after they had left home as adults so they haven't had much interaction with each other's families.

    I was completely baffled by the request. They've been friends for almost 20 years now, but things have been a little different lately so that's why decided to not ask any questions. It's only one, maybe two, extra people at the wedding, so its worth it to me to just go with it and not risk stirring anything up.

  • If Mom is married or engaged, then husband/fiancé must also be invited.

    If Mom has an SO, then the SO is invited at your discretion.

    Personally, I would get in touch with the Son under the pretense of asking for Mom's full name, address and married/engaged status to get further details as to why she needs to come. Is she just a wedding nut who loves weddings? Is she terminally ill? Is he bringing her to town for a visit and doesn't want her home alone for the evening?
  • I would address it like this:

    FI's best man

    FI's best man's girlfriend

    FI's best man's mom

    address

    city, state zip

     

    I know that seems like a lot of lines, but that way it will be clear who is invited since you aren't having inner envelopes.

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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    It's not common anymore, but the parents of bridal party members always used to be invited under old school etiquette. Out of curiousity, how old is the best man and his mom? She could be uber traditional to a fault. That's the only logical reason I can think of.
  • zobird said:
    I don't think she should get a +1 or have her SO invited. I know that's crazy coming from me, but it's very odd. She is not coming so much as a guest of the couple as a guest of a guest. I don't even think I would send her her own invitation, to be honest. It's so random that he needs to bring his mother. Are they from out of town? Is SHE from out of town and visiting and he is worried she'll have nothing to do? I know you didn't ask, but it's very weird to me. 


    Did hell freeze over?!!? Just kidding - I totally agree with you. She's a guest of a guest - the best man is basically getting a plus 2 a and I don't find it necessary to invite her SO.
    I know, right?!  Am I being punked?  Has OP been sent here to test me?! 

    And so much this. The best man is getting a +2 in this case. 

    I totally agree with you that you should let her come, OP, as there is obviously SOME reason she needs to come along with her son. I hope you stick around and/or come back and let us know if you find out why!


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • I would, personally, not formally invite her.  I'd invite BM + gf as planned and if he mentions it again / RSVPs +mom and you've decided that's okay then just go with it.  Your OP indicates BM said he "MAY be bringing her"  since it's not even a certainty I'd ignore it and hope it goes away.
  • Kate61487 said:
    I would, personally, not formally invite her.  I'd invite BM + gf as planned and if he mentions it again / RSVPs +mom and you've decided that's okay then just go with it.  Your OP indicates BM said he "MAY be bringing her"  since it's not even a certainty I'd ignore it and hope it goes away.

    This.

    The invite is for the best man, and he's clearing it with you to maybe also bring his mom. Regardless, the invite is for him and his GF, and he will adjust his RSVP accordingly.

  • FizzySips said:
    Kate61487 said:
    I would, personally, not formally invite her.  I'd invite BM + gf as planned and if he mentions it again / RSVPs +mom and you've decided that's okay then just go with it.  Your OP indicates BM said he "MAY be bringing her"  since it's not even a certainty I'd ignore it and hope it goes away.

    This.

    The invite is for the best man, and he's clearing it with you to maybe also bring his mom. Regardless, the invite is for him and his GF, and he will adjust his RSVP accordingly.

    I don't really agree with this. Brides come on here all the time complaining that people added people to their RSVP who weren't on the invitation or called and asked if so and so could come and pretty much everyone agrees that it's really rude. I realize he asked you ahead of time, but if you send him an invite with just him and his SO he may think you changed your mind and his Mom is no longer invited. Invitations are supposed to include everyone who is invited.
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