Does Family Have to be in the Pre-Processional?

Skidzy915

Long story short: due to circumstances beyond my fiance and I's control, his mother, and therefore his entire immediate family, refuses to attend our wedding. Our reason that we will give our guests is that "She had a conflict," which is true in several ways!

My question is this: Is it necessary for mothers and grandmothers to be included in the pre-processional? We have both (me more than him) come to grips with the fact that his family will not be attending, but I don't want to rub it in his face that my family is all there/make it super obvious to the guests. The absense will be painful enough without rubbing salt on the wound and he's already missing out on things like dancing with his mother at the reception.

I'm torn on this... one the one hand, I understand that you want to honor them, etc, and that some people expect that. On the other hand, a lot of times people notice what is there, and not what's missing, as long as you make things appear natural.

Thoughts?

daria24

There's no "rules" for the processional. We just had my Husband, escorted by his parents, followed by me, escorted by my parents. My grandmothers are the only grandparents still alive, they just took their seats as any other guest. They are both handicapped and wouldn't have wanted to process in anyway. 

It's totally fine to skip the formal "seating" of the mothers/grandparents if you want to. 

harper0813

I'm really sorry to hear this is happening to you (and him). Talk to him about what would make him feel most comfortable. Hopefully he'll have a mature stance on the father-daughter dance, for example, as you and your father should not be punished for your FI's family's decision. See how he'd feel, having your family process in for the wedding.

If your family is paying for the wedding, it will probably be harder to make the argument with them that they shouldn't process in, if that's something they really wanted to do.

However, as a guest, I wouldn't even notice if the groom's family wasn't part of the processional.

Skidzy915

I'm pretty sure my folks are chill about it either way (heck, they were fine with us eloping back when we had considered that, which we considered because we had wanted to avoid drama with his family, which in turn caused MORE drama with his family, which is why we're having a formal ceremony in the end. Ironic that they're refusing to come to this now.). My family's main concern would be if people would notice one way or the other. They're really sympathetic towards everything he's going through.

And he's totally on board with everything like father-daughter dances. He doesn't even know I've thought of the processional issue (he's a guy... he doesn't think of some things. If I nixed the family processional, he wouldn't even realize it, which is what I'm considering). He's just excited about getting married and starting our life. I just know there will be a twinge of pain in the back of his mind that he probably just won't bring up, so I want to lessen it as much as I can. His dad died 3 years ago, so he was already expecting some pain, but this is kind of like a double-whammy.

AddieCake

We didn't do any sort of special intro for family. 

BangBangs39

We are doing a mini-pre-processional.  FI's grandmother on one side has a hard time walking so she won't walk so we aren't having his other grandparents walk to be fair.  His mother will walk, then his father (divorced) then my mother then the BP and my MOH and I will walk together.  My dad along with his whole family has not talked to me in 6 years, half my moms side "can't make it" and my brother is a giant d*ck and won't be coming either (was supposed to walk me down). 

What is important for right now, the wedding day and after the wedding, is for you and your family to embrace and support him.  At one point it did not look like my mother was going to come to my wedding, but my FI's family reminded me that I had another family to lean on and it made getting through that situation much easier for me.  Weddings are stressful, but by your family being loving towards him so that will help him enjoy his day just as much as you.

MairePoppy

Thank you @Stagemanager14  I appreciate you saying that the brides parents shouldn't miss out on traditions because the MOG is a PITA. I'm a recent MOB. It actually was important to the MOG , GM of the bride and I to be formally seated before the processional. This a tradition in our family's and I have never been to a wedding where it wasn't done. That moment was as important to me as the father/daughter dance was to my husband.

If your mother is okay with not being escorted to her seat, then fine, but please make sure she isn't doing this just to please you.

MairePoppy

StageManager14 said

Yep, seating the parents is a big deal in both our families too. When my mom asked H's dad if he'd mind escorting her (H's mom is deceased), he actually teared up and thanked her (and this is NOT a man that does either often) because he was afraid he wasn't going to get a "moment" since his wife was not there for him to escort.

Those little moments find a way of being very important to some of us.  MOG asked me if I would allow her favorite nephew to escort me. I was honored because I knew it meant a lot to the groom's family. 

@ashleyskidmore1 Why not follow Stage's mom's example. Suggest that your mom ask your Fi to escort her down the aisle before the processional.