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Two different religions, advice please?

Hi everyone, my name is Katie. I am in a bit of a jam and am looking for some advice.

My fiance and I are two different religions, which we are both totally fine with. I am wiccan, and he was raised Christian although he leans a bit more toward  agnostic (Definitely religious, he just doesn't really recognize himself as anything particular). I am fine with having a Christian ceremony, which is what he wants, and he is fine with having a Wiccan ceremony. We would love to have both, something that my family and our intended venue are completely fine with... The issue lies with my fiance's family. He was raised in a Protestant household, and I know his family tends to be a bit judgy. Having both ceremonies is something that is very important to my fiance and I, but his family does not know of my religious beliefs.

My fiance just wants to keep it hidden and have someone distract his parents at the start of our reception while we sneak away to do the Wiccan ceremony. Our reception and ceremony will be at the same location. I'm not entirely comfortable with this, though. I don't want to be hiding something so huge from them, and the possible drama of his parents finding out is a stress I do not wish to deal with, especially on our wedding day. I would much rather talk to his parents about this issue, and calmly explain that two ceremonies is what we both want. My fiance is not comfortable with this, though.

I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced anything like this before, or if anyone might have some advice for us?

Re: Two different religions, advice please?

  • I do think he's OK with my religion. He's made it very clear he wants me to openly practice around him, and he's open with it to everyone but his parents. But honestly he hasn't even told his parents he doesn't consider himself a practicing Christian. There is this wall between his parents and himself, but I don't think it has anything to do with me. They wanted him to wait when he told them he wanted to propose to me, he essentially said it was going to happen with or without their blessings.
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I definitely do not like the idea of sneaking off to do a secret ceremony ritual while his parents are distracted. You need to be able to be open about your beliefs. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    [Deleted User]
  • Your FI needs to stand up for his new adult life and apologize to no one about his choices.  If he can't do that, he's not ready to be married.  'Sneaking' around about your faith is unacceptable.  
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

    thejucheideasouthernbelle0915
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I don't like the secret ceremony party of this, especially since it involves sneaking off and leaving his family and guests in the lurch.

    I think your FI needs to be honest about his beliefs and to stand up for yours.  If his family is "judgy," then he needs to be your champion-that's part of his job as your FI and future husband.  If he can't or won't do that, then I think you need to reconsider whether someone who won't fulfill his duty as your husband is the person you want to marry.
    [Deleted User]MairePoppy
  • I am Jewish and my husband is also non practicing Christian leaning towards agnostic, we took our favorite parts and made a very personal ceremony for ourselves. I wish you luck.
  • katerhune said:
    Hi everyone, my name is Katie. I am in a bit of a jam and am looking for some advice.

    My fiance and I are two different religions, which we are both totally fine with. I am wiccan, and he was raised Christian although he leans a bit more toward  agnostic (Definitely religious, he just doesn't really recognize himself as anything particular). I am fine with having a Christian ceremony, which is what he wants, and he is fine with having a Wiccan ceremony. We would love to have both, something that my family and our intended venue are completely fine with... The issue lies with my fiance's family. He was raised in a Protestant household, and I know his family tends to be a bit judgy. Having both ceremonies is something that is very important to my fiance and I, but his family does not know of my religious beliefs.

    My fiance just wants to keep it hidden and have someone distract his parents at the start of our reception while we sneak away to do the Wiccan ceremony. Our reception and ceremony will be at the same location. I'm not entirely comfortable with this, though. I don't want to be hiding something so huge from them, and the possible drama of his parents finding out is a stress I do not wish to deal with, especially on our wedding day. I would much rather talk to his parents about this issue, and calmly explain that two ceremonies is what we both want. My fiance is not comfortable with this, though.

    I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced anything like this before, or if anyone might have some advice for us?
    The entire idea behind getting married is that you are uniting your lives together. I don't think having two separate ceremonies lends itself to this idea. The ceremony is for the two of you as single people becoming married - it's not for your parents or his parents or you as an individual or him as an individual. It's for the two of you together.

    I would incorporate pieces of a traditional Christian ceremony that are important to FI and pieces of a traditional Wiccan ceremony that are important to you and have ONE ceremony. It's a HUGE red flag that your FI wants to "keep it hidden" that you are Wiccan. He needs to have an open dialogue with his family and stand up for his future wife. If he can't do that, you are in for a lot more serious issues that how to navigate your marriage ceremony...
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    daisey18
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