new here and etiquette question

cruffino

hi all, i'm christina, fiance is tim, and we're getting married in february in nyc. i'm new to the boards and appreciate all of the advice i've read so far. 

this is my issue: i have friend who i've known for about 8 years. we met through work. over the past 2-3 years our friendship has deteriorated, we've been "on again, off again", and have been "off" for the most part of past year. 

i've recently decided that i no longer want an active friendship with her and no longer want to spend any time together, although i do wish her well and am not holding any grudges. we haven't talked in a few months at this point. 

this is my dilemma: i sent her a save the date as a gesture of friendship in a brief moment of she and i talking again, but at this point i really don't want to invite her to the wedding. i know that it is beyond rude, but i really just cringe at the idea of having her at such an important moment in my life. 

because we know each other through work, i do have to see her from time to time at work functions, although we no longer work for the same organization. if not for work i probably would just bite the rude bullet and not invite her but since i do have to see her, i have pause about inviting her. also, i said above that i wish her the best, and i mean it. i don't want to hurt her. i am truly torn. what would you do?

STARMOON44

I would send her an invite. Because not doing so is rude. And spend the next half a year getting used to the idea.

coolwhipz1

STD=Invite

 

Who knows, she could feel the same way and just decline

AddieCake

Send her the invitation. If she feels like you, she won't come, and if she does come, you'll barely notice her anyway.

cruffino

well the vote is unanimous. thank you ladies. 

loca4pook

AddieL73 said:

Send her the invitation. If she feels like you, she won't come, and if she does come, you'll barely notice her anyway.

I agree with this thought, actually

cruffino

one of the reasons i want to end the friendship is because i can no longer stand her endless comparisons between she and i. so i think there's a good chance that she'll come just to check out what we did and to guess how much we spent and compare it to her own wedding. ugh.  

manateehugger

cruffino said:

one of the reasons i want to end the friendship is because i can no longer stand her endless comparisons between she and i. so i think there's a good chance that she'll come just to check out what we did and to guess how much we spent and compare it to her own wedding. ugh.  

Then people will side-eye HER when she gets all judgey and think you are a gracious and happy bride. It's super tacky to talk about money spent during the actual wedding in my opinion.

cruffino

i just have to bite the bullet here and do the gracious thing. she'll only potentially be one person in a sea of many that day. 

kmmssg

Good choice.  She will only affect your day if you CHOOSE to let her do so.

manateehugger

kmmssg said:

Good choice.  She will only affect your day if you CHOOSE to let her do so.

Couldn't agree more. Time for Mrs. Roosevelt to weigh-in -"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

AddieCake

I have a cousin I cut out of my life a few months before the wedding. I'm quite certain the only reason her mother came was to spy and report back. Ok by me. My wedding was fabulous. I was glad she was there to compare!

cruffino

we were close at one time so i do feel sad to let the friendship go. but the bad has just outweighed the good for too long, and i just can't have her negativity in my life. but if she comes, i'll smile and thank her. and at least it won't be too too weird when we're forced together in a work situation.

SewInLoveWithDMB

If you sent a Save the Date, an invitation is required.

But why does it matter so much if she is there or not? Don't give her that much power - seeing her shouldn't ruin your day or anything. And, if you have drifted apart as much as you say, she will probably decline.