Attending Reception Only

kmmssg

Which she has already stated will be an extra 120.00.

BarbLovesDave

Everyone, I stand corrected on the rental car extra driver charge for spouses.

I could have sworn that we were presented with extra charges to add a spouse to a rental car contract. I went to the web and looked at T&Cs for various car companies and found that most allow for a spouse at no extra charge.

Then it hit me. We've been renting in Europe where T&Cs are different. Within the US, we either take our own car, stay with relatives and go in their car or I go on business by myself. (Dave is not big on travel. I am.)

MairePoppy

Yep @kmmssg My kids are all adults, now. One of them was easy going and sociable, would have been fine to attend the ceremony and reception, plus the after party : ) The other two - not so much. This bride and groom may think it's cute if the child acts out during their ceremony, but the other guests might not like it. 

Aside from that, I don't agree that it's rude to skip the wedding ceremony. An invitation isn't a subpoena. Any guests is free to decline to attend part of the event. I doubt the couple will mind (or even notice) if OP and her child, who they've never met, miss their ceremony. 

Someone suggested OP should have saved herself some money and stayed home. It's possible she may be looking forward to meeting her husband's friends and they might be making a family vacation out of this trip. 

*edit - clarity

kmmssg

Oh so wise, as always, my dear Maire.

MairePoppy

teacherjodee said:

She's very outgoing and inquisitive. That's the issue. She shouts questions loudly. She did this at a funeral recently. I suppose that's what's making me gun shy about the wedding. She tends to also get fidgety and she's a runner.

I know the feeling. I was trying to train my youngest son to behave well during mass, so we sat close to the front so he could see what was going on. Stupid me. Our pastor, who I adored, chose that day to make a particularly long homily. He paused midway to give the congregation time to reflect. My little guy, the rambunctious one, asked in a loud and very clear voice, "IS HE DONE YET?" A few old ladies from the women's guild glared at us, the priest reminded everyone that there is a quiet room for children. There were a few sympathetic looks and a high five from some guy who apparently appreciated my son's comment. I joke about it now, but it was a very uncomfortable situation, then. 

[Deleted User]

drexelkathy said:

I think it is rude to ONLY attend a reception and not the wedding ceremony.,.unless there are extenuating circumstances where you cannot be there.

extenuating circumstances = out of town wedding, rental car conflict, 3 year old

Not rude in the least given your situation.

daria24

Not only do policies vary by company, they vary by branches within the same company. H & I went to three different islands in Hawaii, used the same rental car company every time.  Kauai they automatically added H as a second driver, no cost. Maui they told us it was $150 to add a spouse, and acted SHOCKED that on Kauai we were not charged. We tried talking to a supervisor, corporate, etc, no dice, they would charge us. On the Big Island they said there was usually a charge but our salesperson waved the fee. 

OP, I would not submit a toddler to hanging around the ceremony location early/killing time. Is there any other guests staying at the hotel who you could carpool with to the ceremony? Are you going to the RD? You might find someone there that can take you. 

But I think in your circumstances, it's fine if you miss the ceremony. 

harper0813

Liatris2010 said:

I think it is fine for you to skip the ceremony. In principle, I think it is rude to skip the ceremony and then show up for the free food, but you have an actual reason for skipping, so I wouldn't side eye it at all. My friend's husband stayed at the hotel with their toddler during the ceremony and part of cocktail hour because it was his nap time, and then joined her for the rest of the reception. I didn't mind at all, and honestly, wouldn't have noticed if she hadn't mentioned it to me in the first place.

100% agree. It is rude to skip a ceremony because weddings aren't your thing or you just don't feel like it (I have a family member who's already told me he's not coming to our 15-minute ceremony at the same venue as the reception with no gap and it definitely stung). But in the case of a small/unpredictable child, long gap, lack of seating, or logistics issues (the fiancé may need to use the car for other reasons and it would be quite a production for OP to have to strap in her child and chauffeur him around everywhere - errands, rehearsal, getting ready, and then finally the reception), I find it excusable for one to skip the ceremony. I, as a bride, would not want my guests inconvenienced and wouldn't care (or notice, for that matter) if some guests couldn't attend the ceremony. And I'd rather they attend the reception than the ceremony.

teacherjodee

To answer a few questions, we are headed to Minnesota to both attend this wedding but also to see (and, in some cases meet for the first time) FI's friends and family. So yes, it is very much worth it for my DD and I to make the trip. Despite the fact that some companies don't charge, the company we went with does. FI needs to drive for most of the trip because he knows the area and has to go to different wedding events throughout the week such as the bachelor party. This is why it doesn't make sense for me to be the only driver. I've never met anyone attending the wedding.

BarbLovesDave

teacherjodee said:

To answer a few questions, we are headed to Minnesota to both attend this wedding but also to see (and, in some cases meet for the first time) FI's friends and family. So yes, it is very much worth it for my DD and I to make the trip. Despite the fact that some companies don't charge, the company we went with does. FI needs to drive for most of the trip because he knows the area and has to go to different wedding events throughout the week such as the bachelor party. This is why it doesn't make sense for me to be the only driver. I've never met anyone attending the wedding.

I think you are totally on track. Do what's best for your child, yourselves and your guy's duties to the wedding.

RamonaFlowers

I don't have kids, but my 2 nieces are 3 and 4. They're both very sweet, generaly well-behaved kids, but there is just no way they could hack getting to the church an hour or 2 before the ceremony and then have to sit/play quietly to the very end of it without getting super antsy...and if by some miracle they did, neither of them would make it to the reception after the fact. That's just too long of a day for some toddlers.

If there's absolutely no way for you to get to the ceremony at the regular start time and you know your kid won't last that long, I'd skip and just make sure she's gotten in a good nap before the reception starts. Yes, the couple is inviting children and most likely understands that kids are kids...but I personally wouldn't be too happy to have to spend most of (possibly all of) the ceremony trying to shush a screaming toddler in the parking lot because she started getting cranky after an hour or 2 of sitting still before the non-WP guests even started arriving.

monkeysip

MairePoppy said:

teacherjodee said:

She's very outgoing and inquisitive. That's the issue. She shouts questions loudly. She did this at a funeral recently. I suppose that's what's making me gun shy about the wedding. She tends to also get fidgety and she's a runner.

I know the feeling. I was trying to train my youngest son to behave well during mass, so we sat close to the front so he could see what was going on. Stupid me. Our pastor, who I adored, chose that day to make a particularly long homily. He paused midway to give the congregation time to reflect. My little guy, the rambunctious one, asked in a loud and very clear voice, "IS HE DONE YET?" A few old ladies from the women's guild glared at us, the priest reminded everyone that there is a quiet room for children. There were a few sympathetic looks and a high five from some guy who apparently appreciated my son's comment. I joke about it now, but it was a very uncomfortable situation, then. 

That's terrible.  I'm sorry that people reacted that way.  Children will be children, and I hate it when people at church, especially priests, aren't supportive of that.  Reminds me of this meme:

teacherjodee

LMAO monkeysip! I think people forget how kids act in those situations.

MairePoppy

@monkeysip I like it, too. But the priest was really a wonderful, stern Irish man. He had a sense of humor, you just didn't mess around when he was trying to deliver a message. 

The old ladies and the old ladies, in training were PITAs, though.

kmmssg

@MairePoppy - your story reminded me of one Sunday I was sitting in church with my good friend and her 3 year old.  He was normally pretty good in church.  We had a guest speaker who went on for.ev.er.  And ever.

My friend's little guy was getting antsy and I was fishing in my purse to find something for him to play with.  I had a calculator.  He took it from me. pointed it at the speaker, and started pushing buttons like he was trying to change the channel.  Oh, how I wished it would have worked that day.

MairePoppy

@kmmssg   DED

TheBaysideBride

Drop of FI or take a cab. Sit in the back.