Black Tie Optional with a gap...wwyd?

Emedian

Thank you. We did consider having cake and light refreshments at the parish hall. Will inquire about that now. Fantastic idea. We know many will just choose to attend the ceremony and will skip the reception or vice versa. It's a realization we had to accept.

sofakingmad

Emedian said:

In the u.s., people also have weddings in a barnyards...yet asking folks to dress formal. I just find interesting that these forums are supposed to be utilized as a resource but yet others just use it to be righteous and criticize. Offer solutions instead of negative criticisms. It's not helpful.

I think it's ridiculou to have a wedding in a barn and then expect people to dress formally.

PrettyGirlLost

Emedian said:

In the u.s., people also have weddings in a barnyards...yet asking folks to dress formal. I just find interesting that these forums are supposed to be utilized as a resource but yet others just use it to be righteous and criticize. Offer solutions instead of negative criticisms. It's not helpful.

No one should be asking their guests how to dress for any wedding, period.  No matter what the venue is.  You don't dictate your guests' attire, that is always rude.

People are offering suggestions.

ETA: I forgot to mention in your other thread, but why don't have have a receiving line after your ceremony to eat up time before pictures/cocktail hour?

Ceremony 3pm-4pm.
Receiving line 4pm-4:45 depending on how many people are attending your wedding.
Cocktail hour at 5pm
Dinner at 6pm

Would that work?  What time are you planning on serving dinner?

I wouldn't want to be waiting until 7pm or later anyways to begin my dinner. . . I'd have to eat before that, and then I wouldn't be hungry for your reception, so you just wasted $500 on me

LondonLisa

Here is a solution, which has been repeated on here several times:

1.) Reprint your invitations to remove "black tie optional". This does not exist, and any person member who "regularly goes to black tie events" would find this silly. You are hosting a formal wedding, but not a black tie wedding.

2.) Change your schedule to the following:

3pm ceremony

4pm cocktail hour

5pm dinner

This, however, is NOT a black tie wedding. You gave up that choice when you chose to get married in a Catholic Church that only does afternoon weddings. That is an absolutely understandable choice, but be an adult and live with that decision. Don't force your poor planning on your guests. A 3 hour hosted cake and punch reception before dinner, doesn't cut it. 

Also, again, if your in laws regularly go to and host black tie events, they would seriously side eye what you have planned. Fi and I regularly go to black tie (and white tie) events, and we would NEVER be caught dead in a tuxedo/ gown at 3pm. That is morning dress attire. 

LondonLisa

@PGL, I agree a receiving line could eat up some time, but what are the guests supposed to do for the 45 minutes it takes? The cocktail reception should start the minute the first guest from the receiving line arrives at the venue, not the last so this definitely should not take 45 minutes (15 minutes maximum).

And I agree, no matter how much OP spends on her wedding, if I have had to sit around from 3pm -7pm there is no way I would enjoy that wedding. I would remember the gap, not the $10,000 venue, so that would be money wasted.

PrettyGirlLost

LondonLisa said:

@PGL, I agree a receiving line could eat up some time, but what are the guests supposed to do for the 45 minutes it takes? The cocktail reception should start the minute the first guest from the receiving line arrives at the venue, not the last so this definitely should not take 45 minutes (15 minutes maximum).

And I agree, no matter how much OP spends on her wedding, if I have had to sit around from 3pm -7pm there is no way I would enjoy that wedding. I would remember the gap, not the $10,000 venue, so that would be money wasted.

Oh I was leaving a gap for travel time. . . the venue should accommodate guests as soon as they arrive, though.

PrettyGirlLost

LondonLisa said:

Here is a solution, which has been repeated on here several times:

1.) Reprint your invitations to remove "black tie optional". This does not exist, and any person member who "regularly goes to black tie events" would find this silly. You are hosting a formal wedding, but not a black tie wedding.

2.) Change your schedule to the following:

3pm ceremony

4pm cocktail hour

5pm dinner

This, however, is NOT a black tie wedding. You gave up that choice when you chose to get married in a Catholic Church that only does afternoon weddings. That is an absolutely understandable choice, but be an adult and live with that decision. Don't force your poor planning on your guests. A 3 hour hosted cake and punch reception before dinner, doesn't cut it. 

Also, again, if your in laws regularly go to and host black tie events, they would seriously side eye what you have planned. Fi and I regularly go to black tie (and white tie) events, and we would NEVER be caught dead in a tuxedo/ gown at 3pm. That is morning dress attire. 

If only I could convince FI to wear morning dress, but he hates the look.  It's his wedding too, so tuxes at 3pm wedding for us! 

If I catch anyone giving us the side eye I will shoot them an even worse, disapproving glare ;-)  Tim Gunn himself  wouldn't ever dare to poo-poo a groom on his wedding day, after all.

LondonLisa

PrettyGirlLost said:

LondonLisa said:

Here is a solution, which has been repeated on here several times:

1.) Reprint your invitations to remove "black tie optional". This does not exist, and any person member who "regularly goes to black tie events" would find this silly. You are hosting a formal wedding, but not a black tie wedding.

2.) Change your schedule to the following:

3pm ceremony

4pm cocktail hour

5pm dinner

This, however, is NOT a black tie wedding. You gave up that choice when you chose to get married in a Catholic Church that only does afternoon weddings. That is an absolutely understandable choice, but be an adult and live with that decision. Don't force your poor planning on your guests. A 3 hour hosted cake and punch reception before dinner, doesn't cut it. 

Also, again, if your in laws regularly go to and host black tie events, they would seriously side eye what you have planned. Fi and I regularly go to black tie (and white tie) events, and we would NEVER be caught dead in a tuxedo/ gown at 3pm. That is morning dress attire. 

If only I could convince FI to wear morning dress, but he hates the look.  It's his wedding too, so tuxes at 3pm wedding for us! 

If I catch anyone giving us the side eye I will shoot them an even worse, disapproving glare ;-)  Tim Gunn himself  wouldn't ever dare to poo-poo a groom on his wedding day, after all.

This applies to guests- obviously the groom is free to wear what he would like. 

I meant, as a guest, I would seriously side eye anyone who wanted me to wear a frock/ Fi a DJ at 3pm. 

PrettyGirlLost

LondonLisa said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

LondonLisa said:

Here is a solution, which has been repeated on here several times:

1.) Reprint your invitations to remove "black tie optional". This does not exist, and any person member who "regularly goes to black tie events" would find this silly. You are hosting a formal wedding, but not a black tie wedding.

2.) Change your schedule to the following:

3pm ceremony

4pm cocktail hour

5pm dinner

This, however, is NOT a black tie wedding. You gave up that choice when you chose to get married in a Catholic Church that only does afternoon weddings. That is an absolutely understandable choice, but be an adult and live with that decision. Don't force your poor planning on your guests. A 3 hour hosted cake and punch reception before dinner, doesn't cut it. 

Also, again, if your in laws regularly go to and host black tie events, they would seriously side eye what you have planned. Fi and I regularly go to black tie (and white tie) events, and we would NEVER be caught dead in a tuxedo/ gown at 3pm. That is morning dress attire. 

If only I could convince FI to wear morning dress, but he hates the look.  It's his wedding too, so tuxes at 3pm wedding for us! 

If I catch anyone giving us the side eye I will shoot them an even worse, disapproving glare ;-)  Tim Gunn himself  wouldn't ever dare to poo-poo a groom on his wedding day, after all.

This applies to guests- obviously the groom is free to wear what he would like. 

I meant, as a guest, I would seriously side eye anyone who wanted me to wear a frock/ Fi a DJ at 3pm. 

No, don't tell him that!!! Who knows what he'd show up in!

VulgarGirl

DragonBlood13 said:

Emedian said:

In the u.s., people also have weddings in a barnyards...yet asking folks to dress formal. I just find interesting that these forums are supposed to be utilized as a resource but yet others just use it to be righteous and criticize. Offer solutions instead of negative criticisms. It's not helpful.

I think it's ridiculou to have a wedding in a barn and then expect people to dress formally.

That's a negative criticism. You're supposed to offer a helpful solution. Like don't do that, it's fucking stupid, it's a barn it isn't formal. Or, gaps are rude, have an earlier reception. Helpful solutions. Oh...wait that's what everyone said.