Ohio-Cincinnati

Am I Expecting Too Much From My Planner?

I'm probably posting this more to vent than anything, but maybe you guys can offer some perspective. Though we're on a budget, I decided to hire a planner for our February wedding because I can be very particular, and am ultra analytical- I will research things to death before I make a choice, so I thought having a professional who knows the ins and outs would help things move along more efficiently. As you might expect from my previous comment about research, I scoured forums and interviewed a couple planners that had great reviews. The person we chose seemed cool and laid back when we met, she seemed to "get" us; the style she presented in her work seemed to vibe with our own vision. I knew I wanted more than a day-of coordinator, so we enlisted her design consulting services as well as coordination, to the tune of around $4000. 

I don't know if what I was expecting was far off-base, if I've gotten the wrong idea of what a planner does from watching reality TV or something, but so far, I am disappointed with the service I've gotten. I pictured a comrade, someone that would be excited about my day and help me reach my vision. I looked forward to creating a bond of some kind with my planner. What we got instead is a generally aloof person who takes 2 weeks to answer an email, and seems almost bothered to be helping me.

When we went to look at linens, she asked me what I had in mind, I showed her a few things that I'd seen on the linen company's website. She showed them to me on a table, over plain black and ivory underlays. At one point, when I mentioned upgrading flatware, she was so dismissive that I actually had to grab the sample settings myself to compare. When my fiance asked if the lights could be lowered in the room so that we could get a better idea of how it would look in our venue, I could almost see her rolling her eyes.

Later, when I got home and looked back at photos of the linen scheme we'd settled on, I realized I was not in love with it. I emailed her asking for advice and, two weeks later, got a response akin to "with the type centerpieces you mentioned, I'm not sure the linens you like will look right". No suggestions, no affirmation on why what we chose was good, nothing..when I asked about floral, she basically told me not to bother looking until the end of summer because florists are too busy right now (despite the fact that just about every wedding time table I've looked at says we should be choosing florists now). She also said I should look around and know exactly what I want before I go to the florist. Again, no suggestions on her part, aside from "bunching some hydrangeas or carnations together is a good way to look luxe and not spend a lot of money". Thanks. I hadn't seen that in every wedding magazine published since 1995. 

Now, call me crazy, but when I hired a planner, I expected I was hiring an artist that would be able to come to me with unique, creative ideas and solutions for the issues that we have. When we went to look at linens, I imagined she'd have some suggestions on our tables- maybe even a set up or two ready for us to see? I certainly don't understand why she'd be telling us to make sure we know what we want before we've even talked to a florist. Am I way off base??? My mother (who is out of town, as are my sister, sister-in-law and best friends) says that she's not surprised that I feel this way, because I'm a creative individual that has a vision of my own, but I guess I'm a little let down.

Of course, we have a contract with our planner, and I feel like saying something will just make the situation tense, and worse in the long run. I'm so frustrated I'm ready to cry- ironic, considering the fact that I chose to hire a planner to *avoid* feeling like this! Suggestions are welcome, and please be honest!

Thanks!

Re: Am I Expecting Too Much From My Planner?

  • I'm newly engaged and don't have any experience of my own with planners, but I would be so upset if I were you!  What exactly is she offering for all of that money?  An event planner should be offering insight and suggestions and planning the thing for you.  Isn't that their entire job description?  Can you scour the contract and see if there are things listed she's not offering?
  • I have to say, I don't feel like she's offered much. She has made some good vendor suggestions so far, and I feel OK about having her coordinate day-of (when I asked her what we'd have to do that day, her answer was "nothing. You do nothing that day but enjoy it"). As far as design advice, Ithough, 've gotten what I mentioned above and not much more. Granted, our first foray into anything design related was the linens rental place, but given her advice to "look online and know exactly what you want when you go to the florist", I'm not instilled with much confidence :/ 


  • Is it possible that she's just overwhelmed since it's the middle of wedding season?  Since your ceremony isn't until February, she might be able to offer you more of her time as things calm down.  I'm not defending her (has she mentioned her busy schedule to you - in the event that's the case?) but have you asked her about her casual responses to your inquiries?  Is it too late to get out of the contract and start over (again, you've got quite a bit of time)?  Are we permitted to ask who this coordinator is? 
  • I'm a couple weeks late in responding to this but O - M - G.  If you don't say something to this Coordinator, I WILL!

     

    $4,000 could go towards the videographer you haven't booked because it "didn't fit" into your original budget.  $4,000 could pay for an all-inclusive honeymoon.  $4,000 could go towards closing costs on your first home purchased as husband and wife.  WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU SETTLING??!

     

    I had a day-of coordinator - I spent $700 and was perfectly satisfied.  For $4,000 you should have everything you had in mind (and more).  I would absolutely reach out to her, via e-mail or phone, and ask when a good time would be to discuss your contract for her services - that you are currently "on edge" about how the wedding planning is progressing so far and that you are unfortunately considering working with someone else.  That will get her attention.  I assure you she'll e-mail or call right away.  Once she does, change your tune and make sure that she remembers you're a sweet bride - but that you're wanting to create a beautiful day for you and your fiance with her expertise! 

     

    You would like her help but she needs your business.  Keep that in mind, always.  Good luck!!

  • I would love to know who you're using, because I'm feeling EXACTLY the same way.. I hired these planners to help me design and coordinate, and I am up late at night worrying about details that I'm going to forget! So far they have given me some good referrals, but that's about it.. Im feeling very anxious, and they aren't much help. It takes a LONG time for them to respond.. We've had our design meeting already, and other then colors, we got nothing else accomplished. What about everything else!? I'm not sure STILL what is my responsibility and what they are doing for me... I feel like I wasted my one meeting.. Am I being too needy!?
  • Just a quick update, for those of you who replied. Things have gotten a bit better with my coordinator (I kind of wondered if she stumbled across this board) but they seem to go in phases- she'll be very friendly and efficient for a while, then not respond to an email for a week. I think she's got a lot going on in her personal life, and while I'm sympathetic, I'm also of the camp that if home life is interfering with your job performance, you should fess up and help your clients find someone else who can do the job. If I had it to do again, I probably would not go with her, but I'm hoping things will go well for our day-of coordination. I'll be sure to update then!
  • While I totally understand the demands on wedding professionals at peak wedding season, that's an excuse for not returning an email for 2-3 days, not weeks! Not to mention the fact that I follow her company on Facebook, and am always seeing updates of the events she's attending, the morning news broadcasts she's making appearances on (you know those "how to throw the perfect Super Bowl type segments?) So it's hard to swallow the fact that she's got time to schmooze, advertise & upkeep her social media, but not respond to my email or find the stemware I want.
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