So my cubemate is getting married next year. I like to gab about weddings and the article had just come out about the people who gave the food basket and the brides went ape$h*+ on them. So I wondered if "covering your plate" was a thing where he was from (New York).
So I told him that I didn't any gift should be expected and asked his thoughts. He pretty much said where he comes from almost everyone always give cash, and tries to pay more than what they think it cost to feed them. He said that weddings were about helping the couple start out on their future together and most people there expected to get back what the wedding cost and then some.
And this guy isn't crazy or rude in other ways. What I know about the wedding thus far, they're following a lot of the normal etiquette rules.
He also thinks it's still expected that the bride's family pay for the wedding and the groom's family pay for the rehearsal dinner and he said he hopes he doesn't have any daughters because of that.
I'm just... what? Is this really a thing? Do that many people really think that way?
I know we hate generalizing by region here on the board, but I have a lot of family from where the wedding will be held and where the bride's family is from. I warned him the mentality might be different there and they really might not make all their money back, but it isn't because the guests don't wish them well in their lives together.
And then I dropped it and slinked away....
And then I went to lunch with a work friend of mine who is also getting married next spring. He told me his fiancee still hasn't found full time employment and they were thinking about getting married next month so she can go on his insurance.
I asked if they'd still have the wedding and he said yes because they'd already put the money down. We're buds so I decided to be candid even though I probably shouldn't have (oh well. my bad). I said "Oh dude. Don't have a fake wedding." And he said no one would know. And then I was like, "DUDE. Don't lie to your friends and family." (and yes, I usually do say "dude" when I talk to him).
I told him personally, I go to a wedding to see two people I love joined in marriage, and if I know they're already married, I really don't care nearly as much, and if I found out I was lied to, I'd be pissed. I suggested getting married now and just throwing the reception portion of the wedding next year. But then he said that his fiancee would be really sad if she didn't get her ceremony. I bit my tongue and refrained from saying, "you mean a pretty princess day" and just said I doubted the ceremony would really mean as much if they were already married.
This is when the guy in front of us in line pitched in and voiced his agreement with my friend... and said something nonsensical about when you go to a theater the actors aren't really enjoying the show they're putting on; they're just doing it for everyone else. So a fake ceremony was the same way. Or something. It made no sense.
I used the graduation reenactment anecdote and asked if you'd really want to go to THAT and he said, "depends how good the party was."
Eventually we decided to agree to disagree and he told me if he does end up getting married early that he won't tell me. I laughed and said, "good, because I'll judge you." And we dropped the subject and talked about my delicious salad.
But these are really good, really smart guys. And I'm just... what?