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Pennsylvania-Pittsburgh

Inviting Additional Guests

Hello Ladies! I need some advice! My FI and I had our origninal guest list that included more family and close friends then our college friends and now that we've recieved many declines back from our family woudl it be tacky to ask more college friends to come?

Our wedding is June 18th, so that is 3 weeks away and I don't want them to think they were never considered, but we would like for them to join us too!  I know that's not really the polite thing to do, but would it be bad?

I was thinking of sending them an email or facebook message letting them know along with our wedding website then they can RSVP there.  Please don't judge me, I didn't think we'd have this many no's and there are people out there we'd like to celebrate with.

Thanks for listening! =)

Re: Inviting Additional Guests

  • pantherRNpantherRN member
    1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    Bad idea. B lists are considered rude, plus there really isn't a good way to tell someone that they are only invited because others said no.
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  • dbpsu18dbpsu18 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    hmm - in trying to put myself in your additional guests shoes.. i would be offended by just receiving an email or FB message as a wedding invitation especially knowing that others were invited first with actual invites... 

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  • gmc22gmc22 member
    2500 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree about the email/fb thing... however, only YOU know your guests and how they would potentially view the situation. Just proceed with caution and know that a few people's feeling may get hurt along the way.

    FWIW, I personally don't think I'd be offended by an invite 3 weeks out (unless I had to travel), but I'm not sure how I would feel about a virtual invite. I think I would even be fine with a word-of-mouth invite... but that's just me! Again, you know your guests best so just keep their feelings in mind and do what you feel would be best for everyone involved!! GL!

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  • edited December 2011
    In general, inviting more people after others decline is just a bad idea. Really rude and hurtful in most situations. However, GMC is right. Only YOU know the guests you are inviting. If you think it would be ok, then go for it, just proceed with caution. And I would scrap the facebook/email idea. If you are going to have to explain it, then it needs to be a conversation with people, not a random message online. That's too impersonal and just feels cold no matter what you say in it. It would be much better for people to hear your voice and be able to see how enthaustic you are about them sharing in your wedding day.
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  • MRadsMRads member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Inviting Additional Guests:
    [QUOTE]In general, inviting more people after others decline is just a bad idea. Really rude and hurtful in most situations. However, GMC is right. Only YOU know the guests you are inviting. If you think it would be ok, then go for it, just proceed with caution. And I would scrap the facebook/email idea. If you are going to have to explain it, then it needs to be a conversation with people, not a random message online. That's too impersonal and just feels cold no matter what you say in it. It would be much better for people to hear your voice and be able to see how enthaustic you are about them sharing in your wedding day.
    Posted by sarilynnep[/QUOTE]

    Ditto.  I have had friends invited last minute, and one of my friends invited my parents last minute.  They know they were a last minute invite, because of people who RSVP'd yes then switched to no (usually because of break ups).  My one friend even knew exactly who she was replacing (and ended up going out on a date with the guy who broke up with his gf who she replace), but she was just happy that she could spend the evening eating, drinking and spending time with friends.  It is tecnically rude, but if there are one or two people who you know wouldn't be offended and might enjoy the night out (and make sure they are local) then go with your gut, but def go with word of mouth.
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  • mdphdmdphd member
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary
    edited December 2011

    Proper etiquette says no B lists (which is basically what you are asking).

    Personally, I'd be offended that I wasn't on your first list and I'd decline - a lot of people end up feeling offended, and that's why etiquette is not to do it.

    That said, even if I were a more easygoing person who didn't care about etiquette, knew you well, and understood your situation as to why you needed to invite people later, I'd still be offended by something as informal as an email for an invite.  Even more offended by a facebook message.

  • ShleeASTShleeAST member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments
    edited December 2011

    Hi Everyone! Thank you for the great advice! I agree with you all on the facebook/email thing and the more I think about it the more my gut is telling me to just leave the invites as is.

    I don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings and be rude.

    I appreciate all your feedback! =) Happy Wedding planning to you all!

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