Groom family

Tmom1134

G is 34 and goes to raves for weeks at a time. I believe yes to the broken hearted thing and he may be on drugs.

Tmom1134

ShesSoCold said:

I agree with PPs - this isn't about a shower at all. 

I think you really should talk to her about her relationship and her future. But you have one chance with this conversation. If she totally shuts off and tells you you're dumb and she loves him - drop it. Forever - or until she brings it up with you. If you try again with the conversation, she'll push you further away. Choose your words carefully and let her know you're concerned about her - not that you hate this guy. Remind her how happy she once was and (if applicable) any dreams she had that have fizzled. Make this about your concern for her happiness and NOT about him. 

B always brings it up with me! In fact it is all she talks about. I think I'm the only one left who will listen.

NYCBruin

Tmom1134 said:

G is 34 and goes to raves for weeks at a time. I believe yes to the broken hearted thing and he may be on drugs.

You can't possibly be a real person.  The order in which you are presenting facts makes no sense whatsoever.  The bride is mentally unstable, the groom threatens to call of the wedding, and now you're saying he's on drugs.  But you lead with, which side of the family is supposed to throw the shower.

MUD!  MUD I say!

Tmom1134

NYCBruin said:

Tmom1134 said:

G is 34 and goes to raves for weeks at a time. I believe yes to the broken hearted thing and he may be on drugs.

You can't possibly be a real person.  The order in which you are presenting facts makes no sense whatsoever.  The bride is mentally unstable, the groom threatens to call of the wedding, and now you're saying he's on drugs.  But you lead with, which side of the family is supposed to throw the shower.

MUD!  MUD I say!

It's the truth I swear

Tmom1134

G is 35 and takes weeks of vacation to go to raves then comes home with weird illnesses. G regularly drives drunk and hosts secret events where he invites everyone except for B. It's not in a logical order because there's so much I didn't want to write. I am not the best at typing.

ShesSoCold

Tmom1134 said:

I agree with PPs - this isn't about a shower at all. 

I think you really should talk to her about her relationship and her future. But you have one chance with this conversation. If she totally shuts off and tells you you're dumb and she loves him - drop it. Forever - or until she brings it up with you. If you try again with the conversation, she'll push you further away. Choose your words carefully and let her know you're concerned about her - not that you hate this guy. Remind her how happy she once was and (if applicable) any dreams she had that have fizzled. Make this about your concern for her happiness and NOT about him. 

B always brings it up with me! In fact it is all she talks about. I think I'm the only one left who will listen.

She tells you she's miserable? How do you respond? I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, but please be supportive and concerned instead of "I told you so. This guy's an asshole". Make sure she knows you love her and support her no matter what and you'll do whatever you can to help her. Whether it be to help her into counseling (with or without her fiance), to help her out of the relationship or help her pick out linens for the wedding. 

NOLAbridealmost

NYCBruin said:

Tmom1134 said:

G is 34 and goes to raves for weeks at a time. I believe yes to the broken hearted thing and he may be on drugs.

You can't possibly be a real person.  The order in which you are presenting facts makes no sense whatsoever.  The bride is mentally unstable, the groom threatens to call of the wedding, and now you're saying he's on drugs.  But you lead with, which side of the family is supposed to throw the shower.

MUD!  MUD I say!

Yup.  I've learned in my line of work that honest people make perfect sense.  The order of all this and the logic make no sense. No one is that daft.

Tmom1134

ShesSoCold said:

Tmom1134 said:

ShesSoCold said:

I agree with PPs - this isn't about a shower at all. 

I think you really should talk to her about her relationship and her future. But you have one chance with this conversation. If she totally shuts off and tells you you're dumb and she loves him - drop it. Forever - or until she brings it up with you. If you try again with the conversation, she'll push you further away. Choose your words carefully and let her know you're concerned about her - not that you hate this guy. Remind her how happy she once was and (if applicable) any dreams she had that have fizzled. Make this about your concern for her happiness and NOT about him. 

B always brings it up with me! In fact it is all she talks about. I think I'm the only one left who will listen.

She tells you she's miserable? How do you respond? I'm not trying to accuse you of anything, but please be supportive and concerned instead of "I told you so. This guy's an asshole". Make sure she knows you love her and support her no matter what and you'll do whatever you can to help her. Whether it be to help her into counseling (with or without her fiance), to help her out of the relationship or help her pick out linens for the wedding. 

He refused counseling and she cried about it. I feel like she had no choice re the breakup because he said he doesn't love her. I encouraged her to go to counseling She's still planning...,

cruffino

seeing your daughter in pain has got to be horrible for you. but you have to give her the space and respect to make her own decisions. boycotting the shower, bachelorette and possibly the wedding does not send the message that you aren't supporting the groom's family, but sends the message that you are not supporting your daughter. don't do that. be there for her. 

MairePoppy

Tmom1134 said:

What if she stays and I'm the "bad guy" for having te talk? I can't sit by and watch her do this to herself and fear I will have to politely have to decline everything because I cannot watch this anymore. Someone who says " I don't love you" and dumps you every six months is not the one.

Tmom - You should get some counseling to learn how to prioritize your concerns and to learn how to communicate effectively with your daughter. Start ASAP, you may be able to get your daughter to go to some counseling sessions with you to sort things out, if she feels that the counseling is for you. 

As for the shower, which should be the least of your worries,  the MOG doesn't have to get permission from the MOB to give a shower. You can give a shower for your side, if it's okay with your daughter. 

wittykitty14

I'm still not convinced this isn't MUD, only because you've given two different ages for the groom so far.

But if this truly is real, like you say it is, this isn't even a shower issue anymore.  The bride comes to you, and you only, and talks about her concerns with her FI, correct?  (I'll admit, it's been hard for me to decipher what you've written sometimes).  If you're genuinely concerned about the bride's wellbeing (I would be too, if everything you've said is accurate), then you need to talk to her about it.  I think that she should seek counseling.

jlm9113

Tmom1134 said:

G is 35 and takes weeks of vacation to go to raves then comes home with weird illnesses. G regularly drives drunk and hosts secret events where he invites everyone except for B. It's not in a logical order because there's so much I didn't want to write. I am not the best at typing.

Then why in the hell is your concern about who's hosting a shower?

[Deleted User]

jlm9113 said:

Tmom1134 said:

G is 35 and takes weeks of vacation to go to raves then comes home with weird illnesses. G regularly drives drunk and hosts secret events where he invites everyone except for B. It's not in a logical order because there's so much I didn't want to write. I am not the best at typing.

Then why in the hell is your concern about who's hosting a shower?

Also, if the events are secret, how do you know about them.

pahlalafsu

I was recently at a shower hosted by mog. A lot of not so great history with bride vs groom and grooms family. Kind of similar situation. So b thanks everyone at shower. Toward the end of it. Gave a really nice speech about what a nice family groom has. As she was giving the speech I reflected back on all the shitty stuff him and his family and friends have done to her. I kind of wanted to puke. But I put on a fake smile and did a golf clap, until I heard the response. Mog response: "oh well we still aren't so sure about you" is a really snotty/rude tone of voice. I think there are very limited circumstances where this comment would be funny. Anyway, I was in shock. I am still in shock. Not sure what to do. I texted my friend to see if she was okay and she said she was "great." Any advice?

pahlalafsu

Other guests had same look on face as me. I do no think it was taken as funny by them either. If that counts for anything.

melbelleup

pahlalafsu said:

I was recently at a shower hosted by mog. A lot of not so great history with bride vs groom and grooms family. Kind of similar situation. So b thanks everyone at shower. Toward the end of it. Gave a really nice speech about what a nice family groom has. As she was giving the speech I reflected back on all the shitty stuff him and his family and friends have done to her. I kind of wanted to puke. But I put on a fake smile and did a golf clap, until I heard the response. Mog response: "oh well we still aren't so sure about you" is a really snotty/rude tone of voice. I think there are very limited circumstances where this comment would be funny. Anyway, I was in shock. I am still in shock. Not sure what to do. I texted my friend to see if she was okay and she said she was "great." Any advice?

Well, thanks for bumping up an old thread as it was fun to read through all 3 pages, because I actually read everything before I post.. however, this thread is very much dead. Start your own thread about it. But my advise, if your friend says she's great, let it go.

CLI242009

monkeysip said:

StageManager14 said:

Also, I know you don't want to hear this, but H doesn't have a ton of contact with his family because he doesn't LIKE spending time with his family. I've been blamed for "alienating" him in the past but the only thing alienating him from his family is their behavior.

This.  I hate how families always assume it must be the spouse's fault.  Oh, he/she is stealing my daughter/son away from me!  Maybe the son or daughter just doesn't like being around you anymore.  It sucks, but blaming the spouse usually just makes things worse.

Completely agree. My family doesn't like my FI because of this reason. They can't face the fact that we just don't have a good relationship, we never will because of all they have done to me (won't get into it).

I much prefer my FI's family to my own. Hence the reason I was able to up and move across the country to be with him. I am much happier, healthier than I have ever been in my life since moving to NY to be with him.

Back to the subject....if the OP is really concerned about the bride than she needs to sit down and have a serious conversation with her. If the bride doesn't respond to this conversation than there is nothing you can do. Only way to fix something with a person or a relationship are the people involved need to admit there's a problem to begin with. Otherwise the people around them are just wasting their breath.