bridesmaid refusing to order dress

ssmith232

My sister is the only person in the wedding party who hasn't ordered her dress. The dresses have been chosen for six months and they need to be ordered by the end of July in order to be here in time for the wedding. I'm not sure what the problem is, she helped pick out the dress so I know she likes it. If it were a financial issue I could understand but my mom is paying for it. I know my mom has offered to take her to the bridal store multiple times and she always says she is too busy. 

 In my mind, by not getting the dress she is making the choice to not be in the wedding party. My mom disagrees and wants me to invite her out to lunch and then stop by the bridal store to order her dress. She is a grown ass woman, I shouldn't have to hold her hand through this, right?

BMoreBride6

I'd try to chat with her and see what was up.  If she doesn't give you any reasons, I'd just simply say, "the dress absolutely must be ordered by ____ in order to come in for the wedding." and leave it at that.  If she doesn't order it, that is her choice. 

Tmom1134

I had that issue with a groomsmen and told him exactly what the pp said.

LAM524

You are right. If she doesnt order the dress she is taking herself out of your wedding. Is it possible she has forgotten the order deadline? I agree....you shouldnt have to hold her hand...but "remind" her of the deadline.

ssmith232

I've been reminding her fairly frequently without trying to nag. I sent her a quick text two days ago that said, "just reminding you that dresses need to be ordered by the 31st, boo. love you!" and she complained to my other sister that I'm being a bridezilla about the BM's dresses. 

Tmom1134

If that is the case then f it. If she has no dress she cannot stand up there.

aurianna

She definitely needs to get the dress if she wants to be in the wedding party. Sorry you're having trouble. Definitely tell her the date it needs to be ordered by, or that she's on her own trying to get it another way.

When is your wedding?

Though is it possible she has a legitimate reason for not ordering aside from just being difficult?

Has she gained weight recently / been trying to diet? I could see someone that's self-conscience about being up a size or two not wanting to commit to a bigger size / someone wanting to wait as long as possible in case they lose weight. Though in either case one eventually needs to just bite the bullet.

Um.......... this one is a huge longshot... but... it actually happened to a friend of mine.
She and the bridesmaids all agreed on a dress. It was March at this point and her wedding was in July. They needed to pull the trigger... and then suddenly her sister/MOH refused to go look at the dress. She stopped even returning my friend's calls.
Then a few days later friend got a call from her BIL... he said that his wife was putting off the dress stuff because she was worried that she was pregnant.
And she was.
So then the whole party switched to a different dress that would be a little more maternity friendly.

Kind of an out there example... but in any case, maybe a heartfelt talk with your sister about her life in general might shed light on things.

ETA:
Is the date really the 31st? That's nearly 3 weeks. That's like 3 years in procrastinator-time. If you mention it again at all, I'd wait until the 21st or so.

hlvonb

I would say that I agree with what others have mentioned in this post and others on this board. You give them a date to order the dress and if they don't do so by the deadline and the dress is not ordered or doesn't arrive in time for the wedding then they have taken themselves out of the wedding. I think you have done what you can at this point since you said you sent her a text about the deadline a couple days ago. I am assuming she got the text since she was complaining to your other sister. Good Luck

Xstatic3333

I bet she will get it in the last few days before the deadline. 2/6 of my BMs did that. It's hard to understand for those of us that plan ahead, but with the deadline so far away she probably doesn't see the rush. Assuming she's an adult, I wouldn't bring it up again. If she's younger, maybe one more reminder in the final week.

artbyallie

She has three weeks left. Relax.

ETA: And don't send any more 'reminders' for at least a week, if not two.

STARMOON44

She has another 20 days to order the dress. I don't see what the problem is.

AddieCake

Why have you been reminding her fairly frequently if she still has 3 weeks to do it? To me, that's like calling people who haven't RSVPd 3 weeks before RSVPs are due. 

Leave her alone about it. Contact her one last time at the beginning of the last week, and if she doesn't get the dress, she has taken herself out of the wedding. 

Now you know you can stop stressing over this and go have a margarita. 

harper0813

She has the rest of the month to do it. Just leave her alone. It's not an issue yet.

Should the deadline pass, she's taken herself out of the wedding party. But the deadline isn't for several weeks.

BMoreBride6

I also don't think she is "refusing" to order it...she just hasn't yet.  Refusing would be telling you outright, "I will absolutely not order this dress".  

mstallae

Ditto to pp.. She still has 3 weeks... I think if she hasn't ordered by the beginning of the last week I'd check in with her one last time - but even then - she doesn't buy the dress she is taking herself out of the wedding.  I know you don't want that but she has 3 weeks to get the dress still if she can't manage (especially as she isn't paying for it) then you can see where her priorities lie. 

cmiles89

I'll admit, my sister and I are both terrible procrastinators. The more people tell us to do something, the more we forget to on purpose (I know, I'm a terrible awful person). So this would be us.

Just let her handle it. She's your sis, she'll pull through. I would agree with maybe checking in for any underlying problems, but otherwise let her do it. You can lead a horse to water, or at least pick out the dress for the horse...

ssmith232

I know I'm probably being ridiculous, and that three weeks seems like a lot of time. It would just bring me a whole lot of peace of mind if she would do it. I've decided to not talk to her about it anymore and just let her make a decision for herself. 

artbyallie

StageManager14 said:

Not only is 3 weeks a long time, but even if she doesn't order it by then, it's no guarantee that she can't get it. She can probably pay rush shipping or even maybe find it resale. She's not "out of the wedding" until she drops out or shows up on the wedding day without it. And yeah, if you had made me go dress.shopping 6 months early and then were sending me "reminders" regularly, I would totally wait until the final hour of the last day to order, just to pay you back the annoyance.

Loved it. Also, I'm willing to bet this is exactly why @prettybirdy27's bridesmaid gave excuses like 'I don't want to shave my legs.'

32daisies

aurianna said:

ETA:
Is the date really the 31st? That's nearly 3 weeks. That's like 3 years in procrastinator-time. If you mention it again at all, I'd wait until the 21st or so.

This. That's the thing, I'm an obsessive geek about doing things right away myself, but you have to realize that for other people, nudging them to do something three weeks ahead is unnecessary.

You have to just wait for her to do it and relax, but I will say that I understand the impulse, when you're not that kind of person, and when it's your sister/best friend/etc. You know you shouldn't, but you're thinking, "Can't she just go and do this so I can stop thinking and worrying about it at two in the morning? If she gives a hoot about me at all, can't she just put me out of my misery?! I'm going crazy here, why give me another thing to stress about!" I know, I know. That's where you are, but it's not where she is. It'll work out. Hang in there.