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Customs and Traditions

Rehearsal Dinner

Hey ladies,  So i know typically the groom's parents pay for the rehearsal dinner.  We had that in the works, with groom's mom, however she has since passed and now I'm not really sure what to do.  There is a step dad in the picture, but this has all happened very recently and somewhat unexpectedly.  We do have a good relationship with step dad, but, I am honestly not expecting him to attend the wedding for more multiple reasons.  And even if he did, I don't know he'd feel up to footing the bill for the rehearsal dinner.  We are paying for almost everything else ourselves and were not really figuring this into our budget.  My sis said one of her best friends did the rehearsal dinner but had guests pay their own way.  I'm feeling very torn and don't know what to do.  There are going to be a handful of guests who will be coming from the midwest and we live in VA, so they will paying for quite a bit of additional expenses just to get here.  I'd like to be able to cover the rehearsal dinner, but it's really not in the budget.  We also have a very small bridal party, a best man and a matron of honor and that's it.  So we aren't really having it for rehearsal purposes per say, but some of that and then a family dinner.  Any insight is much appreciated

Re: Rehearsal Dinner

  • If you skip a rehearsal, then you don't need to have a rehearsal dinner. If you really want one, it can be done very cheaply, just pizza and soft drinks. Definitely do not have guests pay for themselves, and do not go to FI's stepdad for money. 




    [Deleted User]Redbride801
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Cancel the rehearsal so there is no traditional dinner. Then the pressure is off and you can invite everyone over to your place to enjoy an informal dinner.
  • I don't really want to cancel the "rehearsal" though for one of the main reasons being our wedding and reception venue is not the easiest place to find in the entire world, even for people who live in our area.  So I'd really like to hold the actual rehearsal.  However I guess not everyone needs to be there for that, especially now that FI's mom is not here.
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    MNturnsVA said:
    I don't really want to cancel the "rehearsal" though for one of the main reasons being our wedding and reception venue is not the easiest place to find in the entire world, even for people who live in our area.  So I'd really like to hold the actual rehearsal.  However I guess not everyone needs to be there for that, especially now that FI's mom is not here.

    It's not clear if you know this...but of town guests don't attend the actual rehearsal. They may meet you at dinner...but they don't come out to watch you practice at the venue. Expecting them to do so just so they can find the venue is silly.

    Provide a map. Be prepared to answer questions guests may have. But you honestly have to trust that guests are adults that can and will find their way.

    If you can't afford to host a rehearsal dinner, DO NOT have a rehearsal. The dinner can be pizzas and sodas at the local pizza joint...but you must pay for the guests you invite.

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    MNturnsVA said:
    I don't really want to cancel the "rehearsal" though for one of the main reasons being our wedding and reception venue is not the easiest place to find in the entire world, even for people who live in our area.  So I'd really like to hold the actual rehearsal.  However I guess not everyone needs to be there for that, especially now that FI's mom is not here.
    If you're having a rehearsal you have to have a rehearsal dinner to thank everyone who attends the rehearsal (and their SO), and you need to pay for your guests.  The only people responsible for paying for any part of your wedding, including the rehearsal dinner, are you and your FI, so if nobody else offers to host it it's on you. 

    That being said, out of town people do not need to be invited to the rehearsal dinner unless they're participating in the rehearsal.  You just need to invite those actually at the rehearsal and their SOs.  There are tons of ways to do it cheaply; think outside the box and look into ideas like backyard BBQ or a pizza joint.  Or, as PPs suggested, you don't need to have a rehearsal at all, and then you don't have to host anything.  But what you can't do is have your guests pay for themselves, that's completely inappropriate.



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