Need to vent!!

jessi3617

Ok so I'm 9 months away from the wedding. I have an amazing nephew who is a big part of my life. Well we asked him to be in the wedding and of course for his sissy ( he CLS me sissy idk why lol) he was super excited and everything. Well recently his mom and dad got into a big argument that's none of my businesses. He's my brothers son. Well since this argument she won't allow my nephew to be in the wedding. I had nothing to do wit their argument and feel she shouldn't be like this to me that's between them to. I'm really heart broken that he won't be in the wedding. I want a little ring guy but if its not my nephew I don't kno how to accept it.. any advice?

jessi3617

He's at no means a prop. He's my nephew and I will not replace him. The fl asked me if his nephew could do it. But I feel if my nephew can't then I just won't have one. He's my heart I love him as mine own I don't have kids so he's my everything. I think I'm just upset bc you tell a child they can do something with you and then take it away just because something happens.

NYCBruin

I would still say no to FI's nephew.  It will look like you're trying to replace "one kid with another" (I know that's not what you're actually doing, but it's what it looks like).  I totally understand your frustration.  It's really shitty when parents to do things like this to their kids.  

Still, like Harry pointed out, your wedding is 9 months out.  There's definitely a chance that things will settle down and your nephew's parents will be back on board with him participating at that time.

Until then, remember that you'll still get to marry your FI on your wedding day even if your nephew can't be your ring bearer.  And that's all that will really matter!  

jessi3617

Thanks NYC. I feel like it would look like I'm just replacing a child. Which I don't feel is right at all. I hope she does cool down and allows him to but if she doesn't like you said I'm still marrying my fl and thats all that matters.

AddieCake

I know how you feel. We lost our flower girl and an usher due to a fight between the adults, and it broke my heart. I agree to let her simmer. She will possibly cool off and change her mind. 

NYCBruin

jessi3617 said:

Thanks NYC. I feel like it would look like I'm just replacing a child. Which I don't feel is right at all. I hope she does cool down and allows him to but if she doesn't like you said I'm still marrying my fl and thats all that matters.

Hang in there, you definitely have the right attitude.  I'm crossing my fingers that everything works out for you!

jessi3617

Thank you. Me to. He's my kid my everything. I don't plan on having children (due to medical reasons) so he's became everything to me. So I pray it works out.

AJuliaNJ

Why can't your FI's nephew do it? Not as a replacement, but because his nephew means a lot to him just like your nephew means a lot to you. Is he not close to his nephew and only suggesting him because there's no one else, or does he legitimately want him in the wedding? If he legitimately wants him in the wedding because he's an important part of his (and now your) life, I'd ask him. Then if your nephew's mom changes her mind, you can have 2 ring bearers.

annathy03

AJuliaNJ said:

Why can't your FI's nephew do it? Not as a replacement, but because his nephew means a lot to him just like your nephew means a lot to you. Is he not close to his nephew and only suggesting him because there's no one else, or does he legitimately want him in the wedding? If he legitimately wants him in the wedding because he's an important part of his (and now your) life, I'd ask him. Then if your nephew's mom changes her mind, you can have 2 ring bearers.

This.  After all, there are 2 rings.  If your nephew's mom cools off and lets him participate, he could bear your ring and FIs cousin bear his.

AJuliaNJ

annathy03 said:

AJuliaNJ said:

Why can't your FI's nephew do it? Not as a replacement, but because his nephew means a lot to him just like your nephew means a lot to you. Is he not close to his nephew and only suggesting him because there's no one else, or does he legitimately want him in the wedding? If he legitimately wants him in the wedding because he's an important part of his (and now your) life, I'd ask him. Then if your nephew's mom changes her mind, you can have 2 ring bearers.

This.  After all, there are 2 rings.  If your nephew's mom cools off and lets him participate, he could bear your ring and FIs cousin bear his.

And if your SIL feels like your nephew was replaced, you can just say your FI intended to ask his nephew all along, but is more of a procrastinator or hadn't found the right moment before. I know I asked my BP months before my H started asking people.