1st post re: cousins and their SO's

AddieCake

I would say yes, Vic!  In fact, I'm starting to believe they are planting people on TK for this very purpose!

Viczaesar

So what are we drinking tonight, Addie?

AddieCake

Sadly, I have no booze in the house!

kmmssg

fyrefly76 said:

kmmssg said:

I'm going back to the teenage SO thing.  our policy on the girls' weddings has been if you are still in high school you are not getting a date.  When you are in high school you can attend our family wedding as a member of your family.  I know we are going to have a wedding in the next year or so-ish and the teenaged cousins are NOT getting dates unless they are 18 and/or graduated.  Sorry, I just think the date thing is for adults and if you are still in school you can attend a function with your family away from Sugar Lips for one night.

Awwww!  But Sugar Lips and I are ALMOST 18, and we're really, really serious, and we're totally going to get married someday, and we're looking at the same colleges, and after freshman year (because we HAVE to live in the dorms freshman year), but after freshman year we're totally going to get an apartment together, and I'm totally going to learn how to cook his favorite foods, and you'll see, you'll see, and when we get married I won't be inviting YOUR husband because you refuse to invite Sugar Lips.  So there!

@fyrefly76 - well, it looks like you and Sugar Lips have been spending too much time together, so you are grounded to your room, never to see him again!!!!(Until you slip out the window in the middle of the night, go get married, and show me who is boss...right?)  

LavenderHoneyBee

There are a few different variations of etiquette at play here, so instead of telling you what's "proper" or what Miss Manners say, I'll just be honest and tell you what I would do.

First, I would send one invite to the household. I understand it's proper to send one to each adult, however - I feel it's wasteful to send three to one place. I also think it could be seen as almost calling out the adult children who live at home. I know that's a crazy idea, but I know some people who would feel that way.

Second, are you giving plus ones to everyone in a relationship? If so, then yes the SO's of your adult cousins should be invited. However, if you aren't giving plus ones to everyone, then you need to decide where you are drawing a line. "Drawing a line" isn't a popular idea here,but I'm just explaining the option to you. Most people use the criteria of "living together, married, engaged". Obviously these adult cousins don't fall into that category. Some people use "serious relationship" which gets tricky bc how can you judge who is or isn't? Have you met the SO's? If so, and it is a serious relationship (meaning  exclusive and considering each other bf/gf) then yes, I would give plus ones.

kmmssg

@Addie73 - I have booze, come on over....

LavenderHoneyBee

I'm amending my answer after rereading a bit. If you decide to invite the adult cousin's SO's (which depending on their relationships - I think would be the courteous thing to do) then yes, send separate invites (to the house) addressed to

Invite 1: Aunt, Uncle, Child cousin 1, Child cousin 2.

Invite 2: Cousin John and Girlfriend Jane.

Invite 3: Cousin Jane and Boyfriend John

crunchymamaof2

AddieL73 said:

Sadly, I have no booze in the house!

I have booze and cake. Party over here?

Pepper6

jociejones said: KindaSparkly said:
acove2006 said: ashleyep said:
Peledreamsofrain said: Aroundtheblock= paper company employee who needs a raise. For what it's worth, and I know how everyone here feels about Emily Post, but this is what her website says, sort of. It really only says you need to invite married/engaged/living together couples by both names, but that it's a nice gesture to find out your guests name to send them an invite as well. The way I read it, it sounded like you should send them a separate invite. 
 
The same advice was also given in the current issue of Bridal Guide. Neither sources are reputable (someone here said anything written by "Emily post" in the past 15-20 years wasn't accurate) and frankly, this is one of the weirdest pieces of advice I've ever heard. Why on earth would a couple get two separate invites? Seriously, 2 people on 1 invite = 2nd class guest? And how would you go about determining which was the 2nd class citizen since both names would be written on the invite? It just doesn't make any sense. Seriously AroundtheBlock, I think you've been running around the wrong block. Run back to reality sometime.
Creepin over from the bump, but just wanted to let you guys know that Miss Manners gives the same advice: "If the hosts are feeling generous, they can ask their unattached guests if there is someone they would like to bring, extract that person's name, and use it to issue another invitation." (From her Guide to Surprisingly Dignified Weddings, pg 152.) But I suppose you guys know a lot more about etiquette than her too. Issue an invitation for a person doesn't necessarily mean mail them a paper invitation of their own.  It means write their name on their SO's invitation and include them that way.  When my H received an invitation to his co-worker's wedding back before we lived together, they extended an invitation to me by writing my name on the envelope, not mailing me my own.
Ok, here she's a little more explicit: "The tactful thing, if you really want to be so liberal as to permit unknown guests, is to say, 'Dora, I know you've been seeing someone; would you like to bring him? Just give me his name and address, and I'll send him an invitation.'" (From her Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millenium, pg. 607) See? Aroundtheblock was right and a lot of you guys attacked her hardcore.



The bolded pretty much discredits the rest of her advice.  It's not "the liberal" thing to do to invite unknown guests if they are in a relationship with one of your 'known' guests.  It's just plain etiquette.  So seeing as how she's saying you have the option to not invite them in the first place (which you don't unless you are a rude asshole), it sort of makes her advice on how to invite them moot. 

kmmssg

fyrefly76 said:

AddieL73 said:

Sadly, I have no booze in the house!

I don't even understand this.  It makes me tear up just a bit.  We have a tiny apartment, but insist on a fully-stocked bar and lemons and/or limes on hand at any given time.  Last night I had beer and Vern made himself a margarita.

I knew there was a reason I liked you.  I am one Margarita lovin MOB.

wrigleyville

Ugh. This conversation again.

If I FI and I didn't live together and I received an invitation to one of his friend's (or relative's) weddings, I probably wouldn't have a clue who it was. It's so much better, for practical purposes, to send the invitation to the person you know/are related to and then include their SO's name on the envelope.

For example, I'm inviting my cousin and putting her SO's name on the envelope. There is no way her SO has any idea who we are, as he's never met us and doesn't have us linked on Facebook. It's just the smart, practical thing to do.

RebeccaB88

I thought this was a no-brainer. 

You're a couple, and being invited as such, you get one invitation.

You're single, being invited as such, you get one invitation. 

If you are single and  invited with a guest, that makes you a 'couple', and invited as such, you get one invitation.

Viczaesar

acove2006 said:

AddieL73 said:

Sadly, I have no booze in the house!

I have booze and cake. Party over here?

You had me at cake.  Oh, who am I kidding?  You had me at booze, but the cake is a nice bonus!