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MOH "duties": getting addresses

Hello ladies. I posted a few weeks ago about guests requesting the cash bar, and how to bring it up to the bride - I didn't, and the requests have ceased. However, I'm in a odd pickle now.

B&G began verbally inviting people when the got engaged, about 4 months ago. These were the guests that were asking about the CB. Now, B&G are about to send out the official Save The Dates. I've been enlisted to obtain addresses of our mutual friends, which is fine. This morning I received a call from the MOB stating she was emailing me a spread sheet of relatives and their info. I though "great! now B won't have to track anyone down!" Well, I got the email at lunch time, and it's names and phone numbers. No addresses. I called up MOB, thinking she just forgot the addresses, and her response was "I don't talk to half of these people and don't understand why my daughter would invite such (explicit, explicit, racist comments here). So I'm not going to contact them for their addresses. I assumed that why you were helping out."

MOB is not the easiest woman to get along with, I know that she hasn't had contact with certain family members for years, but...I'm just not sure what to do. Do I tell B "your moms a b**ch, but I'll call your extended family since she won't"? Call them up and just hand over the addresses to B? I think she's expecting the addresses to come from her mom...I just really don't know what to do.

Sorry so long!

Re: MOH "duties": getting addresses

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    itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    Hello ladies. I posted a few weeks ago about guests requesting the cash bar, and how to bring it up to the bride - I didn't, and the requests have ceased. However, I'm in a odd pickle now.

    B&G began verbally inviting people when the got engaged, about 4 months ago. These were the guests that were asking about the CB. Now, B&G are about to send out the official Save The Dates. I've been enlisted to obtain addresses of our mutual friends, which is fine. This morning I received a call from the MOB stating she was emailing me a spread sheet of relatives and their info. I though "great! now B won't have to track anyone down!" Well, I got the email at lunch time, and it's names and phone numbers. No addresses. I called up MOB, thinking she just forgot the addresses, and her response was "I don't talk to half of these people and don't understand why my daughter would invite such (explicit, explicit, racist comments here). So I'm not going to contact them for their addresses. I assumed that why you were helping out."

    MOB is not the easiest woman to get along with, I know that she hasn't had contact with certain family members for years, but...I'm just not sure what to do. Do I tell B "your moms a b**ch, but I'll call your extended family since she won't"? Call them up and just hand over the addresses to B? I think she's expecting the addresses to come from her mom...I just really don't know what to do.

    Sorry so long!


    "Bride, I apologize for any misunderstanding, but I am unable to help you gather addresses for your guests"

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    Ditto @itzMS. It's nice of you to want to help, but this is between the bride and her mother. 
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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    AddieL73 said:
    You do not need to gather anyone's addresses. Not your job. Tell the bride so. You seem to have somehow become way too involved in the planning of someone else's wedding. 


    I'm the MOH and am currently a stay-at-home-wife. When bride asked if I could help, I said sure, why not? I have the time. I didn't realize one could do too much. I wish I had had this much help when I planned my own wedding.
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    AddieL73 said:
    You do not need to gather anyone's addresses. Not your job. Tell the bride so. You seem to have somehow become way too involved in the planning of someone else's wedding. 


    I'm the MOH and am currently a stay-at-home-wife. When bride asked if I could help, I said sure, why not? I have the time. I didn't realize one could do too much. I wish I had had this much help when I planned my own wedding.
    Get the addresses of the mutual friends if you want and then tell the bride you're not comfortable calling her family members for their information. She can do it herself if the mom doesn't want to.
    Anniversary
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    This is NOT your responsibility.  I would either send the list back to MOB or give it to the bride and let them know that you aren't able to help them with this. If the bride wants to invite these people, she now has a way to contact them for their info.
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    itzMSitzMS member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment

    AddieL73 said:
    You do not need to gather anyone's addresses. Not your job. Tell the bride so. You seem to have somehow become way too involved in the planning of someone else's wedding. 


    I'm the MOH and am currently a stay-at-home-wife. When bride asked if I could help, I said sure, why not? I have the time. I didn't realize one could do too much. I wish I had had this much help when I planned my own wedding.

    Yep  Time to step back. DH & I both work 50 hours a week and we planned our wedding with zero outside help. She'll be fine.
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    AddieL73 said:
    You do not need to gather anyone's addresses. Not your job. Tell the bride so. You seem to have somehow become way too involved in the planning of someone else's wedding. 


    I'm the MOH and am currently a stay-at-home-wife. When bride asked if I could help, I said sure, why not? I have the time. I didn't realize one could do too much. I wish I had had this much help when I planned my own wedding.
    I can respect that, and I can appreciate that you are wanting to help. But to me, helping is stuffing envelopes and putting favors together and helping the bride look at dresses and bouquets, not discussing with the bride and groom that their guests would like a cash bar or gathering addresses from strangers for the invitations. 




    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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    ashleyep said:

    AddieL73 said:
    You do not need to gather anyone's addresses. Not your job. Tell the bride so. You seem to have somehow become way too involved in the planning of someone else's wedding. 


    I'm the MOH and am currently a stay-at-home-wife. When bride asked if I could help, I said sure, why not? I have the time. I didn't realize one could do too much. I wish I had had this much help when I planned my own wedding.
    Get the addresses of the mutual friends if you want and then tell the bride you're not comfortable calling her family members for their information. She can do it herself if the mom doesn't want to.
    That's what I planned on doing; I guess I needed some confirmation from someone else to do so. Sorry, I've just never been in this type of situation. I've dealt with my own family craziness, but weddings were always joyous even if we hated those attending.

    I'm pretty much done with out mutual friends - there weren't very many. I'll hand over the list to bride and let her and the mother duke it out.
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    AddieL73 said:

    AddieL73 said:
    You do not need to gather anyone's addresses. Not your job. Tell the bride so. You seem to have somehow become way too involved in the planning of someone else's wedding. 


    I'm the MOH and am currently a stay-at-home-wife. When bride asked if I could help, I said sure, why not? I have the time. I didn't realize one could do too much. I wish I had had this much help when I planned my own wedding.
    I can respect that, and I can appreciate that you are wanting to help. But to me, helping is stuffing envelopes and putting favors together and helping the bride look at dresses and bouquets, not discussing with the bride and groom that their guests would like a cash bar or gathering addresses from strangers for the invitations. 

     I'll be doing all that, too! I'm bored out of my mind since my last job ended - I don't start back up until August, so I guess I was a little overzealous to take on something time filling. One can only work out and clean so much! :/ Maybe I need to find something to watch on Netflix.
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    I think it's fantastic that you want to help, but you are allowed to set limits for yourself. You need to decide if this is something you are willing to do. If so, then go for it. If not, then you need to express that to the bride.

    If you want to only do the addresses you had originally agreed to, do only those. Send the addresses to your friend and leave it at that. The bride can handle the rest of them.
    image
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    Yeah, definitely stay out of this family drama. If you want to, you can still collect addresses from the guests you originally meant to contact. It's really nice of you that you're helping the B&G out like this!
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    Yeah, this is definitely not your job.  It was very nice of you to get addresses for mutual friends, but getting family member's addresses is something the bride and her mother need to work out. 
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    rkborkbo member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
     I'll be doing all that, too! I'm bored out of my mind since my last job ended - I don't start back up until August, so I guess I was a little overzealous to take on something time filling. One can only work out and clean so much! :/Maybe I need to find something to watch on Netflix.
    Netflix - House of Cards...great show! 
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    rhawndas said:
     I'll be doing all that, too! I'm bored out of my mind since my last job ended - I don't start back up until August, so I guess I was a little overzealous to take on something time filling. One can only work out and clean so much! :/Maybe I need to find something to watch on Netflix.
    Netflix - House of Cards...great show! 
    Oh I've seen it! Such a great show, I can't wait for S2! I just found another Netflix original (Orange is the New Black) by the creator of Weeds. I looooved Weeds!

    Also:

    I agree with setting limits.

     

    Also, maybe it's just me but if I were a friend of the B/G and her MOH who I didn't know six ways from Sunday called and asked for my address, I'd be reticent to give it to a total stranger.

     

    So I agree with stepping back on this one.

    I will be stepping back. None of the friends I called/emailed were people I didn't know. B&G asked me to go through their list and only contact the people I knew - which ended up being about 15 or 20. We all went to college in the same area and ran with the same circles, so no flack was given for me calling for addresses :)

    But yes, giving an address to a stranger gives me the pricklies. While planning me own wedding we had other friends that had hired a wedding planner and tasked her to getting all addresses (they paid the young lady a good sum of cash, so she probably would have licked the dirt off their boots, too.) But I wasn't comfortable giving my address to a complete stranger.
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    Yea I'm in the heebie jeebies camp too. I wouldn't want to give my address to a stranger :).

    My bridesmaids have done nothing so far haha. The moms and grandmas were the most helpful with guest addresses. Is there an older relative on that side of the family that might have a bunch of the addresses? I'd have the bride call that relative first :)
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
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    Yeah,  this isn't your job.  It's the brides.  Like when my MOH asked me for a guest list for the shower, I didn't expect her to get the addresses, I gave them to her.  I'm a very busy bride, but I'm not going to pawn off my stuff on people, even if they asked me too.  I'll save the volunteer help for the crunch time during the wedding week.  
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