Moms and Maids

Picking Up the Slack (Vent/Advice) (CliffNotes Added at bottom)

I used this site last year for my Wedding and loved it, but now I am going undercover to Vent. My other profile is a little too easy to spot. Sorry about the length.

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So I am a Bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding this year, she was in mine as well. From what I saw and heard they were not the most supportive of me when I was getting married, to the point of telling me that my Husband is too immature for me and that the marriage would not last 6 months, well we did. So now we are getting ready to have the bridal shower for my friend, I will call her Eleanor. My other friends are Jackie and Nora.

 

Jackie is Eleanor’s MOH which is fine; I have no problem with that. So Jackie decided to plan a Bridal Shower and I stated that I could help make decorations and favors, but I did not know if I could put in large amounts of money. She seemed perfectly fine with that, so she started planning and I waited for updates. Now I should mention that Eleanor has had more than enough say in the shower, beyond what day would work best for her and who to invite, she has picked to location what type of food she wanted, what the favors were and what type of games. Again, okay fine, she is a control freak, but I can deal with it. This was two months ago. Jackie had decided to have the Bridal Shower at a local banquet hall, okay I was fine with that, and she understood that I may not be able to put any money towards the rental but I could bring food, which we could and help with the favors, games and prizes. And then no one heard from her for another few weeks, in the mean time I found out that the Shower was not being held at the Hall but at a pavilion and that the location was not somewhere where I would be comfortable, but again I stated that she was planning it and let it go.

 

Two Weeks ago MOB calls me and informs me that she is happy that I am taking over the planning the shower. Okay, WAIT WHAT???? That is right I am now in charge of the shower since the MOH is not doing anything, or is not doing anything to the Brides satisfaction. Again I don't make myself quit right then and there, but I agree to help. I rush into planning mode and start sending out recipes for food (that I will make) and send out a sign-up sheet for other items (potato salad, water, soda etc.) and everything seems to be going well. Except for the few hiccups, like whether I am still making the favors and prizes for the game.

Today, a little over a week before the Shower, Nora calls me, after I had sent out a updated email to everyone. The Pavilion does not have A/C and we cannot have it there anymore. Could I check and see if we could have the shower somewhere else. To which I respond "Let me check, but we may not be able to and we may have to change the date." To which the reply was given "No, Eleanor wants it on that date and at that time, you need to figure out what to do." Now my response should have been "Shove it, I am a lowly bridesmaid, not even important enough to have input on anything other than my money, Eleanor can figure it out if the day is so important." But I did not, my mother taught me to be a lady.

 

 So I was able to track down a location, the shower would be earlier in the day, more of a brunch, which I think is better and I don't have to cook which is great I will still be out more money than I was planning but okay, I can deal. I am hoping that everything else goes smooth and I needed to vent.

 

But Brides, who think that your bridesmaids are going to bend over backwards to throw you elaborate parties, please calm down. My MOH was great I told her that I did not need any of the parties, she decided to hold them and I thanked everyone. But Brides, all bridesmaid have to do is show up Sober and in the Dress, and at this point I don't know if I will be sober, but remember your wedding is one day, and it is not the most important event on anyone’s calendar but your own.

Thank You, vent is over.

 

(Cliff Notes Version: MOH has not done anything but get a location for Bridal Shower, Location is not acceptable for Bride and MOB, Now I have to (Bride designated me to) plan the shower in One Week, Bride sees nothing wrong with the time frame and will not work with me on changing the Date)

Re: Picking Up the Slack (Vent/Advice) (CliffNotes Added at bottom)

  • Also Brides don't think that your friends will change overnight just because you are getting married.
  • I read all that and I still don't know if I understand what's going on. It sounds like a mess though. I'm sorry. :(

    You're sweet for doing what you can to make it work for your friend despite her possibly being really demanding.
  • I read all of that, and while I am very sorry for you, you brought this on yourself.

    You don't owe your friend anything, especially not a shower that she's planning (if the MOB wanted it so badly, the MOB could have planned it). When the MOH and bride started being so pushy and demanding, you should have said, "I have told you how much I am willing to contribute and how much I can do."

    It sounds like the bride is being overly demanding and bridezilla-ish, and I wish you the best of luck in dealing with her!
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    jendemeyer
  • You absolutely have no obligation to throw parties and spend money on parties.  So the bride needs to chill.  But you also need to learn to say no when something is too demanding/too expensive/etc.  If you don't say no, it really becomes your own fault.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I hsve said no, many times. The problem is that I am the only one who will do anything and since the bride told every one that I am in charge. I know I can just stop helping and stop answering calls, but it is easier just to deal and get it done than to complain to them. I just needed to vent I guess.
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