Wedding Etiquette Forum
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Invite or not to invite..

Okay, this is a tricky one..well for me anyway. I have gotten advice from family, but I am trying to get an unbiased view. I work at a small, private preschool. There is me, plus seven other employees. I am good friends with most, so we have decided to invite everyone to avoid hurt feelings. Then, things started to get tense. One of my co workers has a son in my class. Some things happened (very personal) and legal action had to be taken against her boyfriend. In the end, he was cleared and it was found that some of the things her son was saying was out of context. Her and I are still close, and she understands tha I was required by law to make the decisions I made. Her boyfriend is not okay with it. He has yelled at me, gotten in my face, and even shoved into me when I was standing in his way. He is no longer allowed to come onto the premises. And honestly, I am scared of him. Now obviously, I know that when inviting guests to your wedding you should always invite their significant other. I do not feel like it would be safe for me to allow him to come to my wedding. I also do not have the option of not inviting her, because she would be the only co worker not invited. Any thoughts?

Re: Invite or not to invite..

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    Given how her boyfriend behaves, I agree that you'd be risking your safety to invite him.  I think this is one instance where "safety trumps etiquette" and I would not invite her with him as a plus one.  No one who shoves into me would be allowed at my wedding.  If you feel you have to invite her, then don't invite him.  This is one exception to the "SOs must be invited together" rule.
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    Of course you have the option to not invite her- I'd do that rather than continue to antagonize her bf by inviting her without him. Unfair to her? Sure. Less likely to complicate your life? Absolutely.
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    Do you feel like you could talk to her privately about what she thinks about it? 
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    LoredLored member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    Ugh this is super sticky. So sorry that you're even in this predicament. This guy sounds like a creep. I would never invite someone to my wedding who has gotten in my face, yelled, and shoved. Don't care who his date is or what etiquette it violates. The last thing I want on my wedding day is to feel anxious or intimated.
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    He likely wouldn't want to come anyway. Like fyrefly said, safety trumps etiquette. No need to invite the boyfriend. But know that this may fuel his fire (he'd probably get angry no matter what you did at this point - invite both of them ["she's wants a gift from me"], invite just her ["she's snubbing me"], or invite neither ["she's excluding my girlfriend"]).
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    zobird said:
    He likely wouldn't want to come anyway. Like fyrefly said, safety trumps etiquette. No need to invite the boyfriend. But know that this may fuel his fire (he'd probably get angry no matter what you did at this point - invite both of them ["she's wants a gift from me"], invite just her ["she's snubbing me"], or invite neither ["she's excluding my girlfriend"]).
    Cosigned, LiLe
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    At this point you can do no right in his eyes. If you invite him, he likely won't want to go anyways. So just talk to your friend, I'm sure she will totally understand that he shouldn't be there. Of course invite your friend- she may not be able to go, but at least you extended the courtesy.
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    Ditto PPs.  Safety first.  You do not have to invite him.

    I'm curious, what has everyone else said about this?

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    I decided not to invite my sister and her family because of her abusive husband. 

    It's not an easy position to be in, OP. You have to do what is right for you. And I agree, safety trumps inviting a SO in this case.

    Good luck with your decision.
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    I wish I believed that he wouldn't want to come anyway, but I am actually mostly worried about causing trouble FOR her at this point. It is a situation I really didn't want to be in. My fiancé obviously wants him no where near me. He actually was frustrated that I wouldn't Request the child be removed from my classroom so I no reason to see the boy friend again. My mom thinks I just should invite no SO of the girls at work. She said that were she works, all the ladies get invited to weddings and no SO but my thought is why should all these other women have to be at a wedding without their SO because of one crazy guy. I basically have decided to talk to my boss. Her and I are really close, and we are all like a family. She might be able to help me find a way to talk to my co worker. Ultimately, I am going to give her the option. I will either invite just her, or I will not invite her at all. That way she isn't put in a stressful at home situation because of my doing.
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