Wish I Didn't Have a WP (Vent)

brielise414

I know there's nothing I can really do about it, so this is purely a vent because I am sooo frustrated!

My fiancé wanted a wedding party. I did not. He thought it would look weird but neither of us really had clear 'winners' to make up our wedding party. I have no close friends and my cousin that I grew up with has been travelling for the last 3 years so I haven't kept in touch with her. I decided to still make her my MOH because she was like a sister to me. Then my fiancé said it would make his sister really happy if I asked her to be a bridesmaid. I said no way. I've met her 3 times in the 5 years we've been together and I barely know her. Then both him, my mom, and my aunt started really, really pushing and it was exhausting to keep fighting it so I asked her. The basis of their argument is that it really upset my mom that neither of my sister-in-law asked me to be in their weddings. Even though that didn't upset me, it apparently upset my family and my mom was worried it would upset his (his mother already dislikes me).

Anyway, after all this WP drama my fiancé asked his best man who had to say no due to some family issues. He can't even attend the wedding. The other guy he was going to ask had to decline because his wife is extremely religious and would not allow him to participate in a secular ceremony. I would be surprised if he even attends our wedding. The last wedding they skipped the ceremony and showed up to the reception for an hour but left because people will be drinking. We're having an open bar sooo no brainer!

So now I'm stuck with bridesmaids I didn't want and he is very upset that he doesn't feel comfortable asking the guys he would like to ask! I really regret giving in to the whole wedding party thing. Now that he's stuck in the predicament I was in originally, he is telling me to unask them. I had to explain to him that this is against etiquette. I suppose I should have asked my girls after he asked his guys but he kept procrastinating and I needed to ask my cousin because she was leaving for the summer and we needed to go dress shopping. I know we could just do no one on his side but the whole reason I have bridesmaids in the first place is because he thought it would make him look "lame"! So me having two and him having none would only exacerbate the situation. He now has it down to two kind of friends or my brothers (who are much older and kind of over being in a wedding party).

Anyway, if I had it to do over.... NO wedding party!!!!

kiddodarling

What if he has his sister stand up on his side instead of yours? If he's insistent that he needs 2 guys I would just ask your brothers and make it like a family WP.

itzMS

Your FI should NOT ask "replacement" bridal party members just to have people on his side.

Have his sister stand on his side and your cousin on yours. Problem solved.

How many months do you have until your wedding?

brielise414

His two closest friends essentially asked to be in the wedding party. They were trying to be sly, but they were drunk, so it was pretty blatant. The guy he wanted to be his Best Man he hasn't seen in over three years. If it were me, I would have asked these two guys first but he's judging it more from who had his back the longest vs who he's closest to now. Which is fine except the guys he asked he's basing relationships on 3+ years ago. He doesn't want his sister on his side because he wants a stereotypical best man experience like he had as best man in another wedding. Which is why we're having a wedding party when I didn't want one. There's not a whole lot of movies that depict being a bridesmaid as awesome (ie Bridesmaids, Bachelorette, 27 Dresses), but there are plenty that show the awesomeness of being a best man and going to bachelor parties (ie Wedding Crashers, the Hangover). I'm already experiencing dress drama and the fact that both bridesmaids are at least 6 hours away isn't helping. He already has 2 bachelor parties planned: the one the two non-groomsmen are planning in Vegas and my brothers are planning St Patricks Day. My bachelorette party is taking my 7 yr old niece to a St Pats parade with my mom. I wasn't expecting a huge blowout but my bridesmaids saying they aren't available for functions (not even if someone else plans) was a bit of a surprise.

So if these two guys are doing everything a groomsman usually do, why shouldn't he ask them?

Also, my wedding is about 8 months out.