Personal Attendant?!?

ashleymcadams

What exactly does a personal attendant do?

itzMS

ashleymcadams said:

What exactly does a personal attendant do?

Nothing, unless you're paying her.

A personal attendant is otherwise known as a "Day of Coordnator" for the wedding.

Day of Coordinators can do a litany of things. Set up flowers at the church or decorations at the reception, help the bride get dressed, track down wedding party members, run back to the house to get the shoes you forgot, hand out programs, get the wedding party down the aisle, fluff your veil, etc.

Personal attendant is not a position of honor and should always be compensated for her time.

manateehugger

They act as a bitch for the bride for a day. They spend time and money on the bride, but aren't worthy to stand up with her as a bridesmaid.

ETA: Unless what itzMS said and this is a paid position. Then they are paid to happily be the bride's bitch for the day.

katey911

That's not how PAs are viewed here. Here, they're close friends who help fluff the dress during pictures, offer support, bring an emergency kit, learn how to bustle the dress, act as buffer as needed, and whatever else is necessary. They're friends who for whatever reasons aren't a part of the official wedding party but still deserve a special role.

And while I got mine a thank-you gift, I am not paying her, nor does she expect me to.

Maggie0829

katey911 said:

That's not how PAs are viewed here. Here, they're close friends who help fluff the dress during pictures, offer support, bring an emergency kit, learn how to bustle the dress, act as buffer as needed, and whatever else is necessary. They're friends who for whatever reasons aren't a part of the official wedding party but still deserve a special role.

And while I got mine a thank-you gift, I am not paying her, nor does she expect me to.

But if they are such close friends then why aren't they good enough to be in the bridal party?  I had someone learn my bustle and that was my MOH.  I really didn't need any support because it wasn't like someone had died, I was marrying my FI so I was happy and excited, definitely not feelings that need support.  I brought my own emergency kit not only for myself but for my two BMs and my Mom to use as well.  My venue coordinator acted as my buffer from any vendors or unruly guests because that was what I was paying her to do.

I know that PAs are traditional in some areas but I still view it as a "you aren't quite good enough to be in my bridal party, but I do think you are good enough to fluff my dress and do my bustle."

Can't you see how crappy a job that is?  And how crappy that could make someone feel?  Why does this person have to do this shit but not get the honor of being in the wedding party?  Why not just let them attend the wedding as a guest, without any sort of bitch job, and just enjoy themselves?

itzMS

katey911 said:

That's not how PAs are viewed here. Here, they're close friends who help fluff the dress during pictures, offer support, bring an emergency kit, learn how to bustle the dress, act as buffer as needed, and whatever else is necessary. They're friends who for whatever reasons aren't a part of the official wedding party but still deserve a special role.

And while I got mine a thank-you gift, I am not paying her, nor does she expect me to.

Why can't your bridesmaids or mother do these things? Why do you need a person to act as your slave for the day?

KeptInStitches

As a BM, I was plenty good enough to put bandaids on the bride's feet when her shoes caused blisters. She definitely didn't need a PA to do that.

aurianna

My SIL had one at her wedding to my BIL... she was being run around like crazy. At first I thought she was my SIL's good friend who was really dedicated and just wanted to help but then I saw her in the program as a "personal attendant."

I think they are often the result of "OMG! The sides have to be even!!!" Say the bride has four good friends but her FI only has three so she ranks her friends and the one who comes in last gets to be the PA aka wedding slave. The bride seems to think that the girl having her name in the program will make up for her friend's having to do a bunch of work but not have the honor of standing at the front with her.

PrettyGirlLost

katey911 said:

That's not how PAs are viewed here. Here, they're close friends who help fluff the dress during pictures, offer support, bring an emergency kit, learn how to bustle the dress, act as buffer as needed, and whatever else is necessary. They're friends who for whatever reasons aren't a part of the official wedding party but still deserve a special role.

And while I got mine a thank-you gift, I am not paying her, nor does she expect me to.

I'm not sure where "here" is, I suspect The South based on previous posts here on TK about "house parties" or whatever they are called, but I have a term for people who do all that crap for brides. . . bridesmaids.  If someone is that close of a friend to you that they deserve a special role, then they should be in your wedding party.

If you want a personal attendant to be at your beck and call, then hire one.

Now before anyone gets all "OMG but I thought bridesmaids shouldn't have JOBS" on me, I'm not saying your BM's are in any way required to do any of what was described. . . but in reality they usually are the ones to do it.

southernbelle0915

PrettyGirlLost said:

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katey911 said:

That's not how PAs are viewed here. Here, they're close friends who help fluff the dress during pictures, offer support, bring an emergency kit, learn how to bustle the dress, act as buffer as needed, and whatever else is necessary. They're friends who for whatever reasons aren't a part of the official wedding party but still deserve a special role.

And while I got mine a thank-you gift, I am not paying her, nor does she expect me to.

I'm not sure where "here" is, I suspect The South based on previous posts here on TK about "house parties" or whatever they are called, but I have a term for people who do all that crap for brides. . . bridesmaids.  If someone is that close of a friend to you that they deserve a special role, then they should be in your wedding party.

If you want a personal attendant to be at your beck and call, then hire one.

Now before anyone gets all "OMG but I thought bridesmaids shouldn't have JOBS" on me, I'm not saying your BM's are in any way required to do any of what was described. . . but in reality they usually are the ones to do it.

Sweet mother Mary! I hope she doesn't mean the South. Let's not give it a bad name, please. 

Personal attendants are hired positions. If you cannot afford to hire one or you don't want to, then you do whatever the personal attendant would do yourself. If it's stuff like fluffing/bustling dresses and offering support, that's why you have your mom/BMs. As far as interfacing with vendors, that's either the B&G's job or, if they don't want to, then they hire a day of coordinator to do that for them. 

PrettyGirlLost

southernbelle0915 said:

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PrettyGirlLost said:

katey911 said:

That's not how PAs are viewed here. Here, they're close friends who help fluff the dress during pictures, offer support, bring an emergency kit, learn how to bustle the dress, act as buffer as needed, and whatever else is necessary. They're friends who for whatever reasons aren't a part of the official wedding party but still deserve a special role.

And while I got mine a thank-you gift, I am not paying her, nor does she expect me to.

I'm not sure where "here" is, I suspect The South based on previous posts here on TK about "house parties" or whatever they are called, but I have a term for people who do all that crap for brides. . . bridesmaids.  If someone is that close of a friend to you that they deserve a special role, then they should be in your wedding party.

If you want a personal attendant to be at your beck and call, then hire one.

Now before anyone gets all "OMG but I thought bridesmaids shouldn't have JOBS" on me, I'm not saying your BM's are in any way required to do any of what was described. . . but in reality they usually are the ones to do it.

Sweet mother Mary! I hope she doesn't mean the South. Let's not give it a bad name, please. 

Personal attendants are hired positions. If you cannot afford to hire one or you don't want to, then you do whatever the personal attendant would do yourself. If it's stuff like fluffing/bustling dresses and offering support, that's why you have your mom/BMs. As far as interfacing with vendors, that's either the B&G's job or, if they don't want to, then they hire a day of coordinator to do that for them. 

I may be a Yank, but don't worry I'm not trying to start another war with anyone ;-)  Actually, I was born in Florida, so I am a southern girl at heart I guess!

southernbelle0915

PrettyGirlLost said:

show previous quotes

southernbelle0915 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

katey911 said:

That's not how PAs are viewed here. Here, they're close friends who help fluff the dress during pictures, offer support, bring an emergency kit, learn how to bustle the dress, act as buffer as needed, and whatever else is necessary. They're friends who for whatever reasons aren't a part of the official wedding party but still deserve a special role.

And while I got mine a thank-you gift, I am not paying her, nor does she expect me to.

I'm not sure where "here" is, I suspect The South based on previous posts here on TK about "house parties" or whatever they are called, but I have a term for people who do all that crap for brides. . . bridesmaids.  If someone is that close of a friend to you that they deserve a special role, then they should be in your wedding party.

If you want a personal attendant to be at your beck and call, then hire one.

Now before anyone gets all "OMG but I thought bridesmaids shouldn't have JOBS" on me, I'm not saying your BM's are in any way required to do any of what was described. . . but in reality they usually are the ones to do it.

Sweet mother Mary! I hope she doesn't mean the South. Let's not give it a bad name, please. 

Personal attendants are hired positions. If you cannot afford to hire one or you don't want to, then you do whatever the personal attendant would do yourself. If it's stuff like fluffing/bustling dresses and offering support, that's why you have your mom/BMs. As far as interfacing with vendors, that's either the B&G's job or, if they don't want to, then they hire a day of coordinator to do that for them. 

I may be a Yank, but don't worry I'm not trying to start another war with anyone ;-)  Actually, I was born in Florida, so I am a southern girl at heart I guess!


PrettyGirl I could never be at war with you technically I'm not southern.

MyNameIsNot

PrettyGirlLost said:

show previous quotes

katey911 said:

That's not how PAs are viewed here. Here, they're close friends who help fluff the dress during pictures, offer support, bring an emergency kit, learn how to bustle the dress, act as buffer as needed, and whatever else is necessary. They're friends who for whatever reasons aren't a part of the official wedding party but still deserve a special role.

And while I got mine a thank-you gift, I am not paying her, nor does she expect me to.

I'm not sure where "here" is, I suspect The South based on previous posts here on TK about "house parties" or whatever they are called, but I have a term for people who do all that crap for brides. . . bridesmaids.  If someone is that close of a friend to you that they deserve a special role, then they should be in your wedding party.

If you want a personal attendant to be at your beck and call, then hire one.

Now before anyone gets all "OMG but I thought bridesmaids shouldn't have JOBS" on me, I'm not saying your BM's are in any way required to do any of what was described. . . but in reality they usually are the ones to do it.

Not the south.  This is unheard of in Atlanta.  If someone did offer such an "honor" in the south, it would clearly be seen as the slap in the face it's meant to be.

I think midwesterners claim this.  

thisismynickname2

Midwesterner here... nope, no personal attendant. MOH is the dress fluffer but that's really it.

Grabows14

def not midwest.... *gasp* could it be west coast??

MyNameIsNot

I could have sworn I've heard it's done in MI and MN.  I stand corrected.  

Blame Canada?  

Dreamergirl8812

Grabows14 said:

def not midwest.... *gasp* could it be west coast??

Don't put this on us! It's definitely not a west coast thing.

mimiphin

MyNameIsNot said:

I could have sworn I've heard it's done in MI and MN.  I stand corrected.  

Blame Canada?  

Whoa whoa whoa!
Canadian (west coast) here, Nope not us!!
The MOH or BM are the ones who end up doing this (Not required but they end up doing it if they want)
A personal attendant should be either paid (wedding planner) or non-existence.

PrettyGirlLost

southernbelle0915MyNameIsNotthisismynicknameDreamergirl8812mimiphin

Well I think we covered every geographical area in the U.S. and now Canada!  Since I don't want to risk an international incident, I will refrain from asking anyone else about these attendants, lol!

Dreamergirl8812

PrettyGirlLost said:

southernbelle0915MyNameIsNotthisismynicknameDreamergirl8812mimiphin

Well I think we covered every geographical area in the U.S. and now Canada!  Since I don't want to risk an international incident, I will refrain from asking anyone else about these attendants, lol!

tamarar5

My aunt asked me to be her Personal Attendant and then got angry because I was picking my brother up at the airport and his flight was late. We still got back 10 hours before the wedding, so it's not like I missed anything important.

It gets worse. I was also a musician for her wedding and expected to sit in the choir loft during the ceremony. Ok, so MOH did the dress fluffing. After the wedding she didn't want me to touch her dress because she thought I would "wreck" it. BTW I was 25 at the time, so not an immature child. MOH did all the bustling.

My then bf (now fi) and I had been together for 4 years and she got mad that I brought him as my +1. I RSVPed that we were both coming, but we lived in the same town as her and it's not like she didn't know we were together, she still addressed the invite Me and Guest, then tried to tell me I couldn't bring my bf!

Even more, at the reception, anytime bf and I tried to dance, visit with family or guests, or have fun at all, one of her friends (or her) would come over and say, "You can't dance (talk, visit, sit down, etc.) you need to be taking care of Aunt." It was so bad that my parents told bf to take me home for a couple hours. I didnt even get dinner because I was supposed to move the gift table out of the way of the dance floor.

I wasn't paid for being an attendant or a musician. I didn't even get a credit in the program for either position. She was just a crazy person about wanting her wedding to be "perfect.". This aunt and I weren't close before the wedding but I can honestly say that the experience did nothing to help our relationship.

Aunt also refused to take any family photos with one of my two sisters because sister is obese and she would "ruin the picture."

kmmssg

@TamaraR4, your aunt sounds like a true hosebeast!

tamarar5

Pretty much.

Kauris

I was a PA for a friend's wedding and I was her errand girl, basically. It sucked. I would much rather have been just a guest. So, if you value your friendship then err on the side of caution and hire one, which I didn't know you could do but will now work THAT into my budget.

[Deleted User]

I had one. She was also the DOC and emcee for the wedding, and she was a paid vendor. My Mom and sister kept jumping in with things trying to help so her job also included gently prying them away so they could enjoy the festivities. If you have a personal attendant please make sure you pay them for their services, don't make anyone your "slave".

tabathafaye

WOW

Kacie209

I have had a lot of friends have PA's for their weddings, and I'm in North Dakota. Most have either been cousins, or close friends that weren't bridesmaids. They assisted with helping the bride into her dress, and getting things such as food/drink, bobby pins or safety pins if they were needed, etc. I wouldn't say any of them felt like they were "the brides bitch" at all, and were happy to be involved.

I am a PA for a good friend's wedding in May. She's actually having 3, which seems a bit much - but is her decision. She has 3 BMs and 2 MOH, and I know she had a very hard time deciding on her wedding party. Was I upset that I wasn't asked to be one of the BMs? Yes and no. I've only known her a few years, and am happy to be involved in some aspects of the wedding. Plus, I'm really good at being organized when it comes to party planning and she knew I'd do a good job keeping calm and helping out with whatever.

KeptInStitches

I'm in ND too, and I find it inappropriate to have a PA. That's what a DOC is for.

MrsDeRuyter87

I had someone offer to be my PA because I am not having a wedding party and she knew there was a lot to do to switch our venue from ceremony to reception. At first I declined her offer but then when she again insisted on taking on that role for me I agreed but told her she would be compensated. She of course refused the money so instead I booked us both a spa day together a few days before the wedding. I feel like the money I spend for the spa would equal out to what I would have paid for a DOC.