Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Remembering my mom during the ceremony...does this sound ok?

My mom passed away 5 years ago from cancer. I've been throwing around different ideas of how to remember her during my ceremony, and have found a lot of good ideas already.

I think what I am going to do is have a line in the program about her (along with deceased grandparents) and carry her crucifix necklace around my bouquet. I also wanted a single rose or something on the seat that she would have sat in. Because our wedding party is quite uneven and my brother is a groomsmen, I was also considering having him carry in that single rose during the portion of the ceremony when my mom would have been seated and placing it on her chair - because my brother probably would have escorted her. Is that wildly inappropriate? I don't want to make a huge deal over it or anything, but I do want my mom's memory to have a special place in my wedding.


Re: Remembering my mom during the ceremony...does this sound ok?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    That sounds lovely to me. My mom loved butterflies, so we tied some nylon butterflies from a craft store onto the chair that would have been hers. 

    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I lost my dad 15 years ago and I'm struggling with wedding planning and grieving his loss all over again.  I think you need to talk to your family to make sure they're okay with some of these things. My fiancé was very, very close with his uncle (also his godfather) and we're planning on honoring him in addition to my dad. We discussed this with his two daughters, both of who choked up and said they were so happy they thought of us asking them before doing it and they would be honored if we did so. We also spoke with his grandmother (my FI's grandma) and his wife who gave the seal of approval. I just don't think you should surprise people when deciding to do these things.

  • I think you should skip the empty chair part. That is likely to really bring attention to it and bring extra sadness to guests and family members.
    [Deleted User]MairePoppySKPM
  • Ps. By having her in the program and carrying her crucifix, she already has a special place. I think doing the chair/brother/rose thing is sad, not necessarily special.
    [Deleted User]MairePoppySKPM
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Listing her in the program and carrying the necklace are very nice and sweet ways to remember your mother.

    But empty chairs with flowers do sound too funereal-they call up too readily the *reason* why your mother isn't there, and that could be too sad for some people-especially other family members like your father and brother.  I wouldn't ask him to do this by way of "including" him-it may be too painful.  Remember, your wedding is supposed to be a happy occasion-not a memorial service for the deceased.
  • I think having an empty chair for a dead person is super morbid. Not everyone feels that way, and obviously that's fine. But I would check woth other people who were close to her to see how they would feel ESPECIALLY your brother. It should be up to him whether or not he wants to escort in a flower representing his mother.
    [Deleted User]
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Ditto QueerFemme. The empty seat is a sad reminder for everyone. I love the subtle touches that you mentioned, carrying your mom's crucifix and mentioning her in your program. 
  • I would not do the empty chair/rose.  Putting aside your other relatives for a second (particularly your brother and others who may be just as close to her as you), think of yourself.....what if you catch a glance of that chair out of the corner of your eye during the ceremony and burst into tears?  

    I think the crucifix and program are beautiful ideas. Perhaps you could privately bring your bouquet to your mom's grave after the ceremony?  Or bring her a bouquet or corsage before you get ready?

    Good luck. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother.
  • Thank you everyone for your input. I guess I hadn't really thought about the "morbidity" of the empty chair (I probably got the idea from something I saw on Pinterest a while ago...reminder that not everything on there is actually a good idea!). It's hard enough to plan a wedding, and planning one without my mom has been especially challenging. I want to make sure I honor her, but I think I lost sight of it with that idea. 

    NOLAbridealmost - I really like the idea of taking flowers to her grave either before or after the ceremony, thank you for the suggestion!
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