When are you sending out invites?

allisonny

I'm also sending my invitations out three months in advance, with an RSVP deadline 1 month before the wedding. I agree with the early-senders, and can offer lots of points to justify this timeline.

First, I agree- there's always added craziness with the mail around the holidays. I'm sending at least 10 invitations overseas, and I worry that they'll be delayed even more. I also decided that three months seemed fair because I did not send Save-the-Dates. And I'm dealing with an overly large guest list with a number of people that I have been assured "will not come." If they actually don't come, even though I know it's not the most tactful, we may still have time to extend invitations to a few additional friends and +1s, to replace the long lost relatives/strangers who mysteriously appeared on the guest list...  (Anybody else dealing with this? Sending out invites on different days?)

To save time, I'm doing RSVPs through my wedding website rather than relying on the possibility of slow mail in both directions. I thought at first that my RSVP date sounded early, but I think it makes sense when you add everything up. I don't know about all of you, but I have some procrastinators and persistently late people on my guest list.... (I also put the start time on my invitations half an hour before it really starts, but that's another story...) My venue requires a guest count 10 days before the wedding, plus I'm budgeting a week for contacting any stragglers who haven't RSVP'd yet.

kerbohl

That "etiquette" about wedding invitations - is for the average wedding.  We are taking holidays (and for you Americans, Thanksgiving) into account.  So it is not so rigid.  9 weeks is probably smart. So early to mid-November makes sense for us January brides.  I'm at the end of January, so mid- to late November works for me. 

AprilH81

allisonny said:

I'm also sending my invitations out three months in advance, with an RSVP deadline 1 month before the wedding. I agree with the early-senders, and can offer lots of points to justify this timeline.

First, I agree- there's always added craziness with the mail around the holidays. I'm sending at least 10 invitations overseas, and I worry that they'll be delayed even more. I also decided that three months seemed fair because I did not send Save-the-Dates. And I'm dealing with an overly large guest list with a number of people that I have been assured "will not come." If they actually don't come, even though I know it's not the most tactful, we may still have time to extend invitations to a few additional friends and +1s, to replace the long lost relatives/strangers who mysteriously appeared on the guest list...  (Anybody else dealing with this? Sending out invites on different days?)

To save time, I'm doing RSVPs through my wedding website rather than relying on the possibility of slow mail in both directions. I thought at first that my RSVP date sounded early, but I think it makes sense when you add everything up. I don't know about all of you, but I have some procrastinators and persistently late people on my guest list.... (I also put the start time on my invitations half an hour before it really starts, but that's another story...) My venue requires a guest count 10 days before the wedding, plus I'm budgeting a week for contacting any stragglers who haven't RSVP'd yet.

Bolded section #1:  This is called b-listing and not only is "not the most tacktful" it is downright rude.  If you don't want to invite the long lost relatives then don't.  That will free up the space for your friends.  If you didn't send out Save the Dates you are not obligated to invite anyone unless a verbal invitation was extended.

Bolded section #2:  This is also rude.  You should start the processional at the time listed on the invitation.  Most people will show up 15-30 minutes early to weddings on their own, late people will be late no matter what time you put on there.  I would be super annoyed at a couple who made me sit around for an extra 30 minutes on the off chance that some of their family would be late.

allisonny

thanks for your comments, april. i really had a tough time justifying these things to myself. at first... over the past year i've had to compromise, and accept certain supposed "cultural differences." for my fiance's Indian family, they insist that every family that has ever invited them to their son or daughter's wedding needs to be invited, as a sign of respect. i tried and tried for months to convince them that it would be alright if i just sent marriage announcements to these people, but i failed. in the end, it wasnt worth a fight. its easier to let my close friends know ahead of time that they will be able to bring dates if spots open up, since the guest list is tight, than it is to cause a family feud that will result in possible estrangement... there are also people on my fiance's side who have been to a lot of weddings that last for several days, so some of them dont see a problem with casually walking in and out of a ceremony regardless of the posted start time. since my ceremony will be over in under an hour, we decided to split the difference. this was easier than being forced to do two separate traditional multi-hour ceremonies, but a lot of guests may still be unhappy to discover that we are doing a non-traditional interfaith ceremony, and that im wearing a white dress... my FMIL likes to joke about indian time, always about an hour late... fortunately there is a lovely bar right next to my ballroom, and refreshments and seating will be available for anyone who shows up early. it makes me kind of sad and anxious to think that some guests would be "super annoyed" by being forced to spend an extra half hour with friends and loved ones... or that it was rude for them to receive an invitation that still arrived more than 2 months before the wedding. i do spend a lot of time trying to anticipate how my guests will feel, so thanks again for the criticism! our wedding website will specify that seating begins at 4:30, and the ceremony starts promptly at 5.

jclairecantrell

My "The Knot" planner said to send them out at the three month mark, so lots of mixed messages from all the different sources. That would be 10/18 for our 01/18 wedding, which seems quite early to me. But, I think I'll aim to send them out then (finalized our order today) and allow myself wiggle room if I don't hit the exact date mark. 

I think that it is crucial to take the Holiday Season into account, as well as the type of ceremony/reception you're having. We're having a plated dinner with multiple entree choices, so it's important for us to have a very accurate headcount. And knowing that we'll be chasing people down for answers over the holidays, I don't think that sending them out 10ish weeks in advance is inappropriate! 

glitter4114

Our wedding is 4th of Jan and we are sending the invites TOMORROW... Scary

bdisylvestro

I am a fellow 1.4.14 bride.  I plan to send my invites on Monday October 28th with a reply by December 7th.  My venue requires head count 3 weeks prior.  That gives me a week to make calls on the fail to returns.

kaddessi

1.4.14 trying to send out this weekend with rsvps back dec 14th. But running into trouble with printing so they  may go out next weekend.

jessbarnette

We are the 18 th too

Miss Y to Mrs Z

I'm sending mine out today! It took forever to stuff the envelopes and stamp them!

My wedding is January 18th, 2014 so I figured about 2.5 months in advance was good.

kerbohl

I'm sending mine out this week - I sent out the first batch on Friday, and I'm going to get a whole bunch more finished and sent out hopefully tomorrow.  The post office isn't sending out mail tomorrow, so they'll still all go out at the same time . . .