2nd Time Around Wedding & Shower

rcooper1102

All - 

Wondering what you guys are doing for a shower.  I have been married before & I've done the whole big wedding.  I wanted an intimate small thing with just us this time around ...  but my future mother in law is pretty sick, she only has her 2 boys & my fiancee REALLY wanted to have this wedding for her.  So that is fine, i will go along since he feels so strongly about it.  While I do want to do this for him & his mother I am totally stressing over it ... because I had the 200 people already, my big family did the shower thing & the wedding thing & the gifts already.  I feel so guilty & I don't know how best to deal with all that.  

So for the shower, my bridesmaids are throwing it b'c his Mom is just not at all able to coordinate.  So it will be small & I'm not inviting my family since they did it already.  That seems fair ... the shower invitees will be his family.   Should I notify my family somehow that there is a shower but it is his side only? Or just leave it be?

How are you all handling it? 

And while we're on topic ...  does anyone have any ideas or suggestions on how to tell my family DONT YOU DARE BRING WEDDING GIFTS, JUST COME & HAVE FUN.:)    I've told a handful of them already, in person, or via email ... which I'm sure is totally tacky but I couldn't help it.  I feel horribly guilty & just wanted them to know - i just want them to come, thats it. 

Any help would be greatly appreciated & I'm hoping I'm not going to be judged for anything. 

MikesAngie

Welcome to the board! And congratulations on finding love again!!  Please read "It's Normal" it will help you sort some of this out.

Showers are totally acceptable and fine as long as you are not the one asking for it.  My MH gave me a shower. I give her a list of all the women that were invited to the wedding just to be fair. 

We registered as we both had very greedy ex's and were truly rebuilding, so we did not ask for gifts but did not discourage.  It is rude to put anything about gifts on invitations. 

The best solution to the gift quandary is to register either to upgrade the items you already have or replace those that are worn. 

right1thistime

You DON'T tell people they are not invited, they will know when they don't get an invitation. 

Spread the no gifts message by word of mouth only.  And I agree with Angie's advice about registering.

rcooper1102

Wow, okay. I didn't mean i blurt out  'you aren't invited' I view it more of a courtesy notification that we're keeping the shower small so feelings aren't hurt & people don't feel left out. And that wouldbe spread around via word of mouth ... I wouldn't send a YOU ARE NOT INVITED email.  

right1thistime

There's a growing trend to send some sort of "sorry you are not invited" email, note, etc.  And that is just not very polite.  So that is what I was concerned you were thinking about doing.  Really, no one is guaranteed an invitation to any event, so if they were to ask why they weren't invited, then THEY are the ones being rude. 

I think its fine to mention to some close family or friends that you are keeping the guest list limited to one side of the family.  I just wouldn't make a big deal about it. 

mnwatson1

I think that my MoH will be throwing a shower this time.  The first time around, I didn't have a shower, and it was a pretty small wedding, this time around, I think FH and I are doing everything because we both know that this is it.  It's not a first wedding for either of us, but we've both been in abusive relationships in the past, and we're finally with someone who isn't going to mistreat us, so we're really celebrating with the wedding that we both wished we could've had the first time and couldn't for whatever reason. 

That said, I'm not suggesting the shower or anything, but MoH has already told me that this time she's planning on it.  The first time around there really weren't a whole lot of people attending the wedding that weren't the ex's family, who I didn't really care for, so throwing a shower would've been extremely small, as in like 3 people attending, myself included.