out of town guest and invites

MNturnsVA

Hi ladies, I know there is a similar post about this, but I wanted to know more of what the "rules of thumb" were for this.  I have already established my guest list and am writing out invites.  My mom thinks I need to invite her brother and his wife, who live half way across the country from us.  She also is under the impression I need to invite one of my cousins. (also half way across the US).  My only concerns are that if we invite them, they may come.  And my guest list is being stretched a little already as it is, with people right here in the local area.  My FI thinks we can not invite people planning on them to not show up.  I tend to agree with this.  Also, I don't want it to appear we are just "fishing for gifts".  My cousin got married last summer, and i'm guessing she did not invite us because she was trying to keep her wedding small, and really didn't expect us to come.....help....

Jen4948

Your FI is right.  Don't invite people and count on them not to show up.  They just might, and if you've sent them an invitation, it is the height of rudeness not to be prepared to accommodate them as much as any wanted guests.

But sending invitations =/= "fishing for gifts." Invitations are not invoices-they are merely notifications that you are holding an event that you would enjoy their company at.

AddieCake

Definitely do not invite people and hope they don't show up. Who is paying for the wedding? Why didn't your mother bring these people up during the planning process when working out the guest list? Is there some reason you didn't invite her brother in the first place?

MNturnsVA

I didn't invite her brother because he, like my mother, lives in MN and I live in VA.  My mom didnt have any part of planning our guest list.  She was just saying out of courtesy, we need to invite these people.  When I lived in MN, we saw each other more often, but now that I live in VA, I'm lucky to see these people, if our schedules all coordinate,  when we go visit.  We are not close and don't really communicate much at all.  So again, I'm sure she was saying it out of courtesy, she thought it would be appropriate.  My fiance and I are paying for almost everything.  My mom has contributed to the cost of the photographer.