Wedding Etiquette Forum

The Crazies want to come!- brief vent

Chipmunk415Chipmunk415 member
1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
edited July 2013 in Wedding Etiquette Forum

My Dad has offered to and is paying for my wedding. He has an old acquaintance from High School that he has kept in contact with over the years.  I will call her C. My parents went to her oldest child's wedding about 8 years ago. Dad badgered my brother into inviting C and her husband to his wedding earlier this year. (C is big bro's landlord). C and husband showed up. Husband is nice, but quiet, very passive, wears a suit to the formal wedding. C wears a ratty old dress, boating shoes, and a weird looking floppy straw hat. To be honest, she looked like a bag lady (and she does have very nice, formal attire available at her home, as seen in photos two weeks earlier at her anniversary dinner). I "sacrificed" myself for an hour talking to C at brother's wedding so Dad, Mom, friends, and brother would not have to. Dad is now sick of dealing with her and her insanity (yes, she is in fact insane, but refuses treatment).

At Brother's wedding, C and husband started talking about how nice it will be to visit FL next March for my wedding. Issues here: 1) We're keeping it to family and a few personal friends of FI and me. 2) I DON'T WANT C NEAR MY WEDDING WITH A 10 FT POLE. I smiled and said we were still just starting to plan, and changed the subject, gushing about how beautiful Big Bro's wedding was. C later approached my Mom about my wedding. Mom took the blunt, direct approach of "You are NOT on the Invite List!"

Two months later, C seems to have forgotten this. I got my dress this weekend with my mom in my town at a charity event. Called and told Dad. Dad later is talking to C on the phone as one of their other high school classmates has just died, and Dad mentioned I had bought my dress. Call did not end on happy note due to her trying to get information out of Dad that is none of her business. So what did C do? Why she called up my mom, and apologized for upsetting Dad (mind you, Mom is 150 miles from Dad, visiting me).

 C then begins AGAIN talking about being invited to my wedding. I'm inviting a few of my Dad's friends due to his paying and courtesy, and also because I have met and like these people- several live in the same area as FI's extended family, should help with inter family convos. SHE IS NOT AMONGST THEM! Mom gritted her teeth and politely told her we were keeping it small, had just been convinced to have more than 20, and with FI's huge extended family (8 uncles, 1 aunt, and all the cousins for both sides), it would likely just be a family wedding, no friends or acquaintances. Meanwhile, FI and I realize who she is talking to, and our eyes get huge and our heads start shaking back and forth so fast, you'd think we were auditioning for The Exorcism.

I think if Dad brings her continued requests up, (he doesn't want her at my wedding either), I will simply say that the easiest way to get her to not talk about it is to not mention anything about it on the phone with her, ie, don't remind her. None of Dad's friends that are on the list speak to C, and she will not be getting any photos. Perhaps when she realizes it's past the time frame of my wedding (we told her early march), she'll stop bugging us about it!

Re: The Crazies want to come!- brief vent

  • She sounds annoying,but I don't know what her attire at your brother's wedding has to do with any of it. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • If your dad is sick of dealing with her then why is he engaging with her? Also, if he knows you aren't inviting her and don't want her there, why is he telling her anything about your wedding?

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  • Overreacting.

    1. If she dresses poorly and behaves poorly, that reflects poorly on herself, not anyone else.
    2. You didn't HAVE to talk to her at your brother's wedding.
    3. If your dad is tired of dealing with her, why in the world does your family still have so much contact with her?
    4. Don't invite her or tell her wedding details.
    5. Calling her crazy if she is truly mentally ill makes you sound really jerk-ish. 

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  • 1. If she has a true mental illness, stop calling her "Craze." That makes you look nasty.
    2. Stop talking to her about anything-wedding-related or not.
    3. Tell your parents, "We're all agreed that this woman has no place at my wedding.  I will not discuss it with her.  I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't."
    4. If there's a real chance she'll show up uninvited, have someone ready to escort her out.

  • @Addie, the mention of her attire at the wedding was merely to demonstrate how out of touch she behaves.

    @button, Big bro and I have been asking the same thing for ages, but it seems Dad 1) cannot cut her off completely and 2) doesn't seem to realize that the more he mentions the wedding to her, the more she believes herself invited. Dad's annoyance stems from the fact that she calls him up and asks for advice for everything and anything, and then does not follow the advice he gives her because she does not like it. The problem is when she calls back, 2 months later, whining that things are worse, but admits she did not listen to anyone's sound advice and instead took the bad advice merely because it was lip service to what she wanted to believe, outside of reality.

    This woman behaves like she is mentally ill, and has been told by psychiatrists and psychologists that she knows that she needs help, but she refuses to be diagnosed and receive treatment. She merely complains to everyone about all her problems, then gets mad when they suggest she speak to a professional to assist her.

    Note: original post edited to remove any unintended jerkish-ness

  • I'm curious how you know she has been told by professionals that she needs help. Did she tell you this?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • To answer your question, Addie:

    1) she told Dad, who after getting off the phone, told me.

    2) at Big Bro's wedding, several doctors (including Dad) were in attendance, including psychiatrists. She told me that in her conversations at the wedding, several of these doctors, and lay people alike, flat out told her she was off her rocker.

     

    It's sad. She admitted herself that she thought parts of her mind were slipping away, but whenever counseling was gently suggested by others, she had multiple excuses as to why that wasn't necessary. I feel bad for her, but at the same time, I am in no way close to her and only know her generally because of my Dad. I have no desire to see her at any point, and feel I must politely ask my Dad not to mention my wedding to her, as she then assumes her invitation as a given.

  • My Dad has offered to and is paying for my wedding. He has an old acquaintance from High School that he has kept in contact with over the years.  I will call her C. My parents went to her oldest child's wedding about 8 years ago. Dad badgered my brother into inviting C and her husband to his wedding earlier this year. (C is big bro's landlord). C and husband showed up. Husband is nice, but quiet, very passive, wears a suit to the formal wedding. C wears a ratty old dress, boating shoes, and a weird looking floppy straw hat. To be honest, she looked like a bag lady (and she does have very nice, formal attire available at her home, as seen in photos two weeks earlier at her anniversary dinner). I "sacrificed" myself for an hour talking to C at brother's wedding so Dad, Mom, friends, and brother would not have to. Dad is now sick of dealing with her and her insanity (yes, she is in fact insane, but refuses treatment).

    At Brother's wedding, C and husband started talking about how nice it will be to visit FL next March for my wedding. Issues here: 1) We're keeping it to family and a few personal friends of FI and me. 2) I DON'T WANT C NEAR MY WEDDING WITH A 10 FT POLE. I smiled and said we were still just starting to plan, and changed the subject, gushing about how beautiful Big Bro's wedding was. C later approached my Mom about my wedding. Mom took the blunt, direct approach of "You are NOT on the Invite List!"

    Two months later, C seems to have forgotten this. I got my dress this weekend with my mom in my town at a charity event. Called and told Dad. Dad later is talking to C on the phone as one of their other high school classmates has just died, and Dad mentioned I had bought my dress. Call did not end on happy note due to her trying to get information out of Dad that is none of her business. So what did C do? Why she called up my mom, and apologized for upsetting Dad (mind you, Mom is 150 miles from Dad, visiting me).

     C then begins AGAIN talking about being invited to my wedding. I'm inviting a few of my Dad's friends due to his paying and courtesy, and also because I have met and like these people- several live in the same area as FI's extended family, should help with inter family convos. SHE IS NOT AMONGST THEM! Mom gritted her teeth and politely told her we were keeping it small, had just been convinced to have more than 20, and with FI's huge extended family (8 uncles, 1 aunt, and all the cousins for both sides), it would likely just be a family wedding, no friends or acquaintances. Meanwhile, FI and I realize who she is talking to, and our eyes get huge and our heads start shaking back and forth so fast, you'd think we were auditioning for The Exorcism.

    I think if Dad brings her continued requests up, (he doesn't want her at my wedding either), I will simply say that the easiest way to get her to not talk about it is to not mention anything about it on the phone with her, ie, don't remind her. None of Dad's friends that are on the list speak to C, and she will not be getting any photos. Perhaps when she realizes it's past the time frame of my wedding (we told her early march), she'll stop bugging us about it!


  • So, everyone in your family doesn't want her there, right? Your mom has told her she's not invited? Why even waste time and energy worrying about this? I don't get it.
  • Zero, to explain....this is just a vent. I'm not that worried, but I'm blowing off steam here regarding her acting as though she will be invited and annoyance that my Dad mentioned anything to her.

  • Honestly, chipmunk, I think you have a dad problem rather than a guest problem. Your father needs to stop talking about your wedding with her, period.

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  • I'm so confused why your dad would keep talking to her about the wedding if she's not invited.  Why on earth would he tell her you got your dress?  I mean, maybe its just me, you it seems plain rude to continue to talk to someone about a party they are not invited to attend.  Am I missing something? 
  • Honestly, chipmunk, I think you have a dad problem rather than a guest problem. Your father needs to stop talking about your wedding with her, period.
    This.



  • Given her mental issues and her lapse in memory/judgment at times ("mind slipping away"), I would not be so judgy of her clothing. At least she was dressed in a dress and hat and not pajamas or something like that.

    I hope she doesn't have early-onset Alzheimers, and I hope she gets the help she needs.
  • I would seriously avoid any doctor/psychiatrist that would tell someone they were "off their rocker" after one conversation at a wedding, regardless of what was said.
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