Wedding Etiquette Forum

MIL Day After Brunch Drama

So my soon to be mother in law has offered to host a day after the ceremony brunch, which is great! BUT, I think she was only planning on inviting her family and my parents, which leaves all MY out of town guests (which are numerous) out in the cold. Does anyone have any ideas on how I can casually remind her that when hosting brunches and other dinners around the wedding, ALL out of town guests are usually invited?

Re: MIL Day After Brunch Drama

  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited July 2013
    I think if she's hosting, she can invite whoever she wants. You can offer to her to pay for your guests if you want.

    Edit: or decline it completely.
  • Agree with PPs. If she is hosting, she can decide who she wants to invite. You can offer to pay for your OOT guests, or just decline her offer.
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  • She is the host and has the last say on who she invites.  If you don't like the fact that she is leaving all of your OOT guests off the list then simply decline her offer.

  • You said you think she's planning to invite only her family? Have you actually inquired about the guest list?

    If she has already said she wont be paying for your family, I'd say that's within her rights. I agree with PP's.

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  • Sierra524 said:

    Agree with PPs. If she is hosting, she can decide who she wants to invite. You can offer to pay for your OOT guests, or just decline her offer.

    This. Even though I agree with you that both sides need to be invited, if MIL doesn't want to, your options are pay for the extra guests or decline it altogether.
  • If she's not planning to invite people you want to be there, you can decline.  I think you would be totally legit to do so.  But you can't force her to invite anyone or make your acceptance of her offer conditional on her doing so.
  • Perhaps instead of just flat out declining with no explanation, mention that you were hoping to spend some time with some of your friends and family that morning. Then she'll either understand why you can't attend or realize she should include everyone.
  • depending on what discussions you've already had around the guest list I think it's fine to inquire about who / how many she was thinking and then mention that you'd really like some of your family included as well.  If she pushes that she really just wants it to be her family then you could say "Oh, well we won't be able to ignore half our guests, so we may stop by but I think we'll spend some time that morning at the hotel where we can see other guests as well"  Or something similar.

     

    If she's already laid down the law on who is and isn't invited then just skip to the end and make sure your FI is onboard.

  • Well, I already know everyone on my fiance's side of the family as he comes from a really small family, and unfortunately most of the guests coming to the wedding are from my side of the family and most are coming from out of town. So I guess I can either mention that I wouldn't feel right spending most of the day with just one side of my new family or just decline. 

    Thanks for the advice everyone!
  • Just as another suggestion, you may want to have your FI do the inquiring about the guest list, as opposed to you do it (we usually recommend on here for each person to handle things with their own parents and other family members). If she is indeed only planning on inviting her side of the family, then he can say, "Wow, mom, that sounds lovely. However, I'm sure Stepht08 will want to spend some time with her family members as well that morning, so we may not be able to stay the entire time." Depending on her personality, she might handle this type of comment better from her own son than from her FDIL.
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  • Fair point allispain, we've got time so I'm sure we'll figure something out.

    Thanks again!

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