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Customs and Traditions

Bridesmaid and groomsman rules

Hi all, last night talked to my fiance about bm and gm. His groomsman would be his brother, his brother in law and his best friend. 
He told me my bridesmaid should be my 2 older sisters and his sister. I really don't know what's the rule in bm and gm when choosing them. 
My 2 older sisters are way much older than me (more than 10 years) they're in their 40s with kids. My future sis in law also is 40 yrs old. 
I want my bridesmaid to be my friends who are the same age as me (early 30). But I really don't want to disappoint my fiance. 
Is it appropriate to ask my friends to be my bridesmaid when I do have 2 sisters and 1 future sis in law? 

Thank you, 
 

Re: Bridesmaid and groomsman rules

  • 1. No one gets to decide who your bridesmaids are but you.
    2. Your bridesmaids can be anyone you'd like them to be - family or no. Don't ask anyone out of obligation.
    3. Sides don't have be even.
    4. If your fiancé wants his sister in the wedding party, she can stand on his side.

    To be frank, I find it concerning that your fiancé is trying to dictate your half of the weddin party.
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    [Deleted User]s-aries8990shannyb41scmurphy2010
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    You should tell your FI "thanks for the suggestion but I can pick my own bridesmaids, thank you very much."

    Like PDKH said, you can ask anyone you want to be in your wedding party.  The people that should make up your party are those that you are nearest and dearest to.  And just because you happen to have sisters does not mean that they have to be included.

    And if your FI really wants to have his sister in the wedding then he is free to ask her to stand on his side.


  • Yeah, because I wasn't born and raised here so I really don't know the american's custom. In my country we don't have bridesmaid and groomsman at the wedding reception.
    My fiance didn't force me, he just said, "it's better if your bridesmaids are your sis or family member" 
    My 2 sisters are close to me, but they're about 10 yrs older than me, it's going to be awkward to have a bachelorette party with them. You know what I mean right? We grew up together, we care for each other and close, but because of the age gap, we're not able to be like best friends. They got married way earlier than me. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Tell your fiance that it might be better for him, but it's not better for you that he's dictating to you who they should be, because you're not dictating to him who his should be.

    He needs to back off.
    [Deleted User]
  • Sorry, your fiance is wrong. It's not better to have your sisters if they aren't who you want.

    However, I will say to not pick your bridesmaids based up on who will go to bachelorette parties and showers with you. Both of my sisters are quite a bit older than me, married, and will likely not attend my bachelorette. I still am asking them to be bridesmaids because I want my sisters next to me as I get married. Being a bridesmaid is more about the day of the wedding than the months leading up to it.

    The only question that matters in this case is, "Do you want them to stand beside you on your wedding day?" If yes - bridesmaid. If no - honored guest.

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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Everyone else is correct. Just chiming in the fact that my DH has 2 brothers and 2 sisters. None of them were in our wedding party. Do what feels right for you.
  • The only rules are that you cannot expect your BMs to do anything other than buy the right dress (after you have checked with each of them privately about their budget) and show up on time. A lot of brides expect their BMs to help with wedding stuff -- like invitations and favours and DIY stuff -- and that's wrong.

    You ask YOUR FRIENDS -- whomever you want to stand up with you on your most special day. Also, BMs aren't required to plan or host showers or bachelorette parties, so don't pick BMs just because you think they'll throw you a great party. They might not.

    I did ask my SIL to be a bridesmaid -- I was hers when she married my brother -- but I did that because we are close, and I love her. You pick whomever you want.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Yes, tell your fiance to butt out of your side of the wedding party. Not in those words, necessarily, but the sentiment is the same. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Hi all, last night talked to my fiance about bm and gm. His groomsman would be his brother, his brother in law and his best friend. 
    He told me my bridesmaid should be my 2 older sisters and his sister. I really don't know what's the rule in bm and gm when choosing them. 
    My 2 older sisters are way much older than me (more than 10 years) they're in their 40s with kids. My future sis in law also is 40 yrs old. 
    I want my bridesmaid to be my friends who are the same age as me (early 30). But I really don't want to disappoint my fiance. 
    Is it appropriate to ask my friends to be my bridesmaid when I do have 2 sisters and 1 future sis in law? 

    Thank you, 
     

    I would tell FI thanks for your suggestions but I will pick my own, and I think he can understand wanting people who are important to you, and support you, and love you to be there with you. Also just FYI you dont have to have 2 bridesmaids. You can have 1, 6 or 4 you don't have to have the same number of bridesmaids as groomsmen. Just FYI

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