Bridal Shower Mother In-Law Drama

Doddles12

My bridal party has planned a shower for me. Which up until now, I have had no idea about - a nice surprise I was looking foward to. 

My mother in-law got her invite and is unhappy with everything about it - the place ("its ok but just not fancy"), the date ("it's too close to the wedding day"), the time ("lunch time over bruch time would be better").  I know this because my sister called very upset, after a very rude phone conversation she had with FI mom.  Future mother in law told my sister she will host her own shower for her friends and her family. Now there is huge beef between the in law and my family.  FI has tried to speak with her about it and she "already booked a place" and is "very upset that she has to host a shower."

Ughhhhh reeaaallllyyyyy????!!  Has anyone ever delt with this? I'm so at a lose as to how to even go about this.  

NYCMercedes

You can always decline her shower, if you don't mind starting WWIII. Do your best not to involve yourself. It's horrible that she was rude to your sister, but let your fiance deal with his mom on this. Do not engage her. Do not converse with her about either shower.

Doddles12

Holy cow ya know? What are the guest who get invited to both going to think? Such a mess!!!

MobKaz

MIL's main complaint is that the shower is too close to the wedding day.  At this late date, how is it even possible for her to organize a shower, and send out invitations without her own shower being equally close to the wedding date?

You can always use MIL's own words to decline her potential shower......"I'm sorry MIL.  I can't possibly attend a second shower so close to the date of the wedding.  There simply isn't enough time for another one.  But it was kind of you  to offer."  She can easily cancel her reservation.  

She has received the invitation from your bridal party.  She can choose to attend or decline.  But then that is on her.

Jen4948

"FMIL, if you're really upset about hosting a shower, then please, don't do it.  I'd hate for you to feel any more burdened."

She can decline the one that she has so many problems with-in fact, I'm sure everyone else there will appreciate her not attending with that attitude.  It's not your fault.

Doddles12

So very frustrating. And I don't understand why, if she's so upset, and feels its too much on her - that she's planning her own!? She has my sister, mother and bridesmaids all upset. She has been uninvited to the original shower, which is good because nobody needs the stress, but now I worry about if she'll start drama at our rehearsal or wedding.

MobKaz

Doddles12 said:

So very frustrating. And I don't understand why, if she's so upset, and feels its too much on her - that she's planning her own!? She has my sister, mother and bridesmaids all upset. She has been uninvited to the original shower, which is good because nobody needs the stress, but now I worry about if she'll start drama at our rehearsal or wedding.

As far as the bolded.....that was absolutely NOT a good choice.  THAT will be the starting point of any drama that unfolds, unfortunately.  

Jen4948

mobkaz said:

Doddles12 said:

So very frustrating. And I don't understand why, if she's so upset, and feels its too much on her - that she's planning her own!? She has my sister, mother and bridesmaids all upset. She has been uninvited to the original shower, which is good because nobody needs the stress, but now I worry about if she'll start drama at our rehearsal or wedding.

As far as the bolded.....that was absolutely NOT a good choice.  THAT will be the starting point of any drama that unfolds, unfortunately.  

I think there's going to be drama with this woman no matter what.

AddieCake

So wrong to uninvite her to her original shower. Your fiance needs to tell her that just b/c she doesn't care for the details of the shower does not mean she has to plan one for you and that she certainly shouldn't act like she is so put-upon to do so. 

This is going to happen again and again. I can already see you plan a surprise party years from now for your husband and she won't be happy and think she needs to plan another. 

saric83

Her being uninvited has just increased the drama and changed everything.  If her friends and family were already being invited to the original shower, you could have easily turned down the offer of hers by just saying that you don't want people to feel obligated to attend two showers and be done with it. 

But now that the crazy has escalated, you're kind of screwed now with no option that won't cause more drama.  If her friends and family still attend the original shower, you're going to look like a total ass having to explain why FMIL isn't there. And you could still certainly turn down her offer of the shower, but if so, his family will probably still think you're an arse given that she's no longer welcome at the other one.