Bridesmaids are hard to please

lindseydbronson

Hi everyone,

 

I'm doing everything I can to make my Fiance, Nick and I's wedding a wonderful weekend for everyone: we have rented cottages for the weekend, with all expenses paid for the close family and bridal party, to include bridal wear and spa treatment...I've even picked a lovely fabric and color dress with multiple different styles so that my bridesmaids will be able to pick something each with individually feel beautiful in.

BUT I feel that going so above and beyond has SPOILED my bridesmaids and they are starting to try to take ownership of certain things without really discussing it with me first. These things are SMALL but it's starting to kind of rub me the wrong way- I don't want to be a bridezilla but everyone knows that the stress of wedding planning kind of makes small things seem like huge deals. 

SO TELL ME- what is the correct way to handle what I tell my brides to wear, accessory-wise? I have given them the freedom with the dress style, but I have mroe specific ideas as to what I want done with hair, jewelry, shoes, etc. But I'm getting a LOT of pushback. Half of my bridal party is 5'10...I'm only 5'3 and my fiance is 5'9. I also have a bridesmaid who is 4'11...yet i have these super tall bridesmaids who want to also wear 3-4 inch heels and tower over everyone else. The style of the wedding is mid afternoon semi-formal, long dresses so I don't even know if it would be proper to have them wear flats and my one mini-bridesmiad wear heels. I told them that I will pick out shoes for the ceremony and pictures and that they can wear whatever shoes they want to the reception. All of my girls have very strong personalities and ideas on what they will and will not do. I don't want to lose friends by saying yes or no or establishing guidelines that piss people off...another one of my bridesmaids refuses to wear her hair in an updo because she doesn't like her ears, yet her dress comes up around the neck.

Is this small stuff? Am I making too big of a deal about this? I feel like my fight to keep control over the uniformity of my bridal party is like trying to herd bees into a bathtub. I almost feel like this is becoming more like a "prom" event for my 30 year old bridesmaids where they think they have the right to do x, y, and z. My thought that I am paying for EVERYTHING for them has kind of put me in a resentful mindset and I'm not sure how to proceed without creating waves and drama. I am usually very blunt and straight forward and end up hurting someone's feelings.

 

I ALSO don't want to be passive aggressive and then have these people walk all over me (unintentionally, they are just strong-minded folks). And I don't want the words "BUT IT'S MY WEDDING" to ever come out of my borderline bridezilla mouth. I just want everyone to have a good time and also look perfect according to what I want. Is that too much to ask?

bakerie

Even if you're paying for it, I think dictating hair style is just too much. Let them pick their own shoes, everyone's feet are different. As for accessories, I think it looks weird when everyone is wearing the same exact stuff, but if you're providing it, I guess it's okay. Why do you care so much about them looking exactly the same? It's okay for your bridesmaids to have a little individuality, you know.

JaneAustensGhost

I agree with PP.  There's no reason they have to look identical, right?  Let them have a little of their own personality - they're not just props for your wedding.  

artbyallie

You really shouldn't dictate shoes, hair, or jewelry. Shoes are super personal and may hurt their feet, which is particularly torturous when walking and standing encompasses the entirety of their duties. Individual heads of hair do not behave the same way, and matching hairstyles look so Stepford Wives anyway. And jewelry just doesn't show up enough to matter. Neither do shoes, actually, and if I could go back in time I wouldn't have even said black shoes for my bridesmaids.

Maggie0829

Yes you are making too big a deal out of this.  You say that your BMs have strong personalities, then why not let them show those personalities through their hair, makeup, jewelry and shoes.  Unless your vision are identical looking mannequins, I suggest you loosen up a bit. 

The accessories are extremely small inconsequential stuff.  No one, and I mean no one will really notice what shoes they are wearing or if their jewelry all matches.  What people will see are happy faces and happy faces happen when you do not micromanage what your BMs look like.  Trust me when I say that I have been in a wedding where the bride micromangaged everything from picking a hideous dress, dictating shoes, jewelry and hair.  I hated everything and felt extremely ugly and looking back at some of her pictures you can see that all over my face.  Even though I was smiling you can just tell by looking at my eyes how uncomfortable I was.

Also, it was your choice to pay for everything.  I understand that who pays has the final say but if you are getting push back from all of your BMs you may want to rethink things.  I am sure they are grateful that you are paying for everything but that doesn't mean that they still don't have an opinion.  Would you like to be forced into things that you don't like or make you feel ugly just because someone else if paying for it?

AddieCake

 I really can't believe you would let them do whatever DRESS they want but then want them in specific hairstyles and matching shoes and jewelry, which nobody will even notice. I seriously have no idea what my bridesmaids wore for jewelry or shoes. 

hyechica81

u should not dictate what they can and cant wear everyone has there own personalities and uniqueness. let them pick out there own shoes but you could say i would like you to stay at or under 2 inches with the heals if you can but if you cant find a shoe you like in that hight then get what you want. your photographer will know how to make your wedding pictures with them work even with all the different hights 

BMoreBride6

1) you probably want to get your user name changed to something other than your email

2) as a 5'11 girl who's 3 best friends are under 5'4, I would be very not happy if someone told me I had to wear flats with a formal dress so that they could feel taller.  

msuprincess04

As for the shoes, I don't think it would be a big deal to say "wear whatever neutral (or pick a neutral color like black or silver) flat you want." It's different than saying buy this specific shoe. 

As for the jewelry, how specific are you being? There's a difference between asking them to wear a simple silver chain with a charm and a pair of silver hoops, or again, saying "buy this necklace and these earrings." 

It's acceptable to put wide perimeters on stuff like that. If you are specific about one necklace and one pair of shoes, then, we tell everyone that's really on the bride to take care of. Just because you were awesome enough to buy everything else, doesn't really change that. 

SBmini

I do think you are being a little over the top here. It is OK, IMO to give some guidance like "neutral shoes" or "no flip flops" but I would not totally dictate what they can wear. If you want a say on jewelry you could always make a suggestion by giving them matching jewelry as a bridesmaid gift.

I was talking to a coworker yesterday about a wedding she was in where the bride dictated everything. She HAD to wear navy blue, peep-toe heels. These are not exactly the easiest things to find. They wore long dresses and my friend had a pair of cream shoes that looked great with the dress, but no, the bride wanted blue shoes. In the end, no one remembered the shoes- they never even saw them. There wasn't even a cute photo made of all the girls lined up holding up their skirts so you could see the shoes. But what does my coworker remember from the wedding experience? She remembers her crazy controlling cousin and her shoe request. 

manateehugger

Matching jewelry is not a bridesmaid gift.