Do I have to invite the kids?

AnnaS08

I know that asking this may open me up to a lot of blunt answers about etiquette, but here it goes:

My grandmother insists that I invite all of the under 18 kids in the family...including my second cousins' kids and beyond.  I have seen many of these kids only once (for a funeral) in the last ten years.  I'm only really inviting some of the second cousins because of my grandmother.  Is it rude to only include the parent's names on the invite?  This is not an "adults only" reception/wedding.  I'm allowing closer relatives (aunts and uncles) and friends to bring their kids...but I see those kids often.  I'm afraid there will be a ton of people I don't even know on my side that show up and our venue only holds 175.  My grandmother thinks that family comes first and if there are too many people I should be inviting fewer friends.  One of my second cousins told me that she wouldn't care and that her boys would be fine not going since they are in high school sports and will probably have games that night anyway.

I'm getting mixed signals on what is okay from my family and when reading other posts.  Some say "why would you invite people you don't even know" and others say "it is ever so rude not to invite the children." 

I'm confused and would love any advice.  Should I bite the bullet and not invite my friends until I know if my second cousins and their kids are coming?

Jen4948

If your grandmother or any other relative is not paying, they do not get a say in who's invited. 

You do not have to invite anyone you don't want there-even if they're family, even if they're children.  As long as you invite spouses, fiance/es, and SOs together, you're fine not inviting the whole family.  Parents and children do not constitute "social units" that must be invited together.

NYCMercedes

Jen4948 said:

If your grandmother or any other relative is not paying, they do not get a say in who's invited. 

You do not have to invite anyone you don't want there-even if they're family, even if they're children.  As long as you invite spouses, fiance/es, and SOs together, you're fine not inviting the whole family.  Parents and children do not constitute "social units" that must be invited together.

Jen said it very well!

AddieCake

Ditto Jen. I don't know why,unless she is paying, your grandmother thinks she gets to dictate the guest list. 

AnnaS08

Thanks everyone!

kaos16

AnnaS08 said:

I know that asking this may open me up to a lot of blunt answers about etiquette, but here it goes:

My grandmother insists that I invite all of the under 18 kids in the family...including my second cousins' kids and beyond.  I have seen many of these kids only once (for a funeral) in the last ten years.  I'm only really inviting some of the second cousins because of my grandmother.  Is it rude to only include the parent's names on the invite?  This is not an "adults only" reception/wedding.  I'm allowing closer relatives (aunts and uncles) and friends to bring their kids...but I see those kids often.  I'm afraid there will be a ton of people I don't even know on my side that show up and our venue only holds 175.  My grandmother thinks that family comes first and if there are too many people I should be inviting fewer friends.  One of my second cousins told me that she wouldn't care and that her boys would be fine not going since they are in high school sports and will probably have games that night anyway.

I'm getting mixed signals on what is okay from my family and when reading other posts.  Some say "why would you invite people you don't even know" and others say "it is ever so rude not to invite the children." 

I'm confused and would love any advice.  Should I bite the bullet and not invite my friends until I know if my second cousins and their kids are coming?

The bolded seems to me like you are planning a B list.  You really need to send all your invitations at one time. . . . If people can come, great, if they can't, you celebrate without them. . . . It is rude to wait until you get RSVPs from some people before inviting others.

IMO, if you don't want to invite extended family members and their children, don't!

Jen4948

AnnaS08 said:

Thanks everyone!

You're welcome! Best of luck-especially with your grandmother!

doeydo

Invite the people that *you* want to come.  People that you never see, regardless of some shared genes, should not be invited to your wedding at however much money a-head unless you truly want them there.  And your friends, if you want them there and are closer to them, they deserve to be there.

michellemayawheeler

I would only invite those cousins in which you have a close connection to only for your wedding.

 

HisGirlFriday13

Ditto PPs. Also, your grandmother vastly over-estimates the entertainment value of your wedding for children. Weddings are fun for adults who know the B/G. To kids who aren't in the wedding, it's just another grown-up dinner party that they have to get dressed up for and sit still during.

ETA: fix typo

AnnaS08

Typo?

AnnaS08

Thanks additional posters!