Ms versus Miss

LVANHORN04

Would you use Ms. or Miss on an unmarried adult women for invitations? I seem to think one way and another person thinks another so i wanted to get some other opinions! Thank you!!

harper0813

Use Ms. - it's the most respectful and widely used. Miss is often used for women under the age of 18.

tiny speck

I'd use Ms, especially if they are over 18.

MayDay513

Ms. 

LVANHORN04

Thank yall!! i always thought miss was for a girl under the age of 18. However, on my friends invitations she has been addressing me as a miss and i am 27 years old! I have been doing my inviations as ms for unmarried adult women. I guess it is a personal preferance.

daria24

It's definitely personal preference-in my experience, women over 50ish prefer "Miss". Whereas I hated hated hated Miss when I was unmarried. 

wrigleyville

I started preferring "Ms" right around my 30th birthday because it sounds more grown-up, but I believe it's technically okay to start using it once they are 18 (or 17 if they've graduated from high school).

Simply Fated

It's a personal preference. I prefer Ms. but Miss is proper, too. I don't get offended either way.

Peaseblossom55

I always preferred MIss over Ms. it made me feel younger! I guess I can understand why someone would also prefer Ms. over Miss too. That's my $0.02!  I way more excited to be a Mrs. though.

phira

If you're not sure, default to Ms.

Ven&Radio

Ms. is safer for adults. I've hated miss for a very long time - to me it sounds little girlish.

Jen4948

Default to Ms.  Only use "Miss" if someone tells you specifically they prefer it.

Bubbles2014

I prefer Miss (my students call me Miss Bubbles, so I'm used to it) but I wouldn't be offended if I received something that said Ms.

Blue & White

I also prefer Miss, but apparently I'm in the minority

I just don't like being Mrs. Fi's_last_name.  And I get it all the time. 

When we're married, go ahead, guys.  But it's not my name yet!

I have issues...

doeydo

I would personally prefer being called Miss just because the word Ms. makes me think of someone older.  Either is socially acceptable though.

NOLAbridealmost

Ms. 

CMG was completely correct: Ms. denotes "female."  Miss denotes "unmarried-and-often-times-young-female."   I think you're more likely to offend someone with Miss than Ms.  Use Ms. when in doubt.

NYCBruin

CMGr said:

NOLAbridealmost said:

Ms. 

CMG was completely correct: Ms. denotes "female."  Miss denotes "unmarried-and-often-times-young-female."   I think you're more likely to offend someone with Miss than Ms.  Use Ms. when in doubt.

Since both Ms. and Miss are socially correct, no one should be offended by either title.  If they are, then they are displaying their social ignorance.  Miss does not, and never has meant "young".  There are quite a few elderly, never-married ladies who prefer this title.

I don't think that Miss means young, however, I don't think it follows that no one is offended by its use.

I personally hate the "Miss" title because I don't think my marital status is relevant.  It has nothing to do with the age thing.  I don't mind it in a social setting, but I hate when people use "Miss" in professional settings.  FWIW I also think "Mrs." is inappropriate for professional settings.  I've seen this played out and it's uncomfortable.  

rajahmd

NYCBruin said:

MandyMost

I use Ms. now, and I plan to use Ms. after I'm married as well. My marital status does not need to be defined by my title any more than a man's does. 

As other's have states, Miss refers to an unmarried female, and Ms. refers to a female regardless of her marital status. As long as they are used in that way, neither are incorrect. Since Ms. is much more inclusive than Miss (since it doesn't refer to marital status), that's what I'd defer to. 

selenathegreat

Here in the South it seems like a lot if older ladies go back to Miss even if they're married...that has always confused me. I have always preferred Ms. myself, but that could also be because I look younger than I am...

stevelovesmelissa

Oh no, oh no, oh no!!! This thread just made me  realize that when I addressed my invitations last week, I forgot to use Ms., Miss, or Mr.   If it was to a couple, I addressed them to Mr. and Mrs. John Doe. However, if it was to a single person or an unmarried couple, I simply used their names. (John Doe and Jane Smith, or John Doe and guest). UGH!!! I can't believe I did that. I do not know what I was thinking (obviously I wasn't). There is no inner envelope, so the only place I wrote their names was on the outer. Darn it. Now I am thinking that I may need to go back and redo all of the single people invites, even though they are already stamped and sealed. Oh well, what else do I have to do with my time this weekend....

wrigleyville

Is there room on the envelope to add the word "Mr." or "Miss" in front of their name, or will it look off-center with their address? It seems silly to waste all of those envelopes. I wouldn't flip out if I got an invitation addressed to me as "Jane Smith". Come to think of it, I had a few addressed exactly like that (just my name) last year, and I'm a Dr. :-P But it really didn't bother me. I just shrugged it off 'cause I was all, "Yay! Yippee! Wedding invitation!"

kipnus

@stevelovesmelissa Don't stress about it! You're fine. There is no need to redo your hard work!

HuckSC

I'm one of those that gets really irked when at work I get emails to Miss Huck. They are slightly more irritating that Mrs. Huck. Uh Mrs. Huck is my step-mother and I'd rather be called Ms. Huck. I equate it to me having a double name. I introduce myself as Elizabeth Anne (not my real name). The person comes back and says, "Nice to meet you Elizabeth." I just introduced myself as Elizabeth Anne and you aren't respecting my wishes as to what be called.

AroundTheBlock

The etiquette rule is, that you find out what title the person herself prefers, and use that. So while it is indeed personal preference, it is the preference of the person wearing the title that matters, not the preference of the person bestowing it. If you prefer one over the other, just express your preference.

"Miss" is traditionally used for an unmarried female, but was also traditionally used by any lady who was professionally known by her maiden name and continued to use that name after marriage -- and not just actresses. Some older professional ladies still follow this rule (not that that will matter for wedding addresses, since such ladies tend to use their married name socially with the title "Mrs.") One way the feminists explained this in the nineteen-seventies when the title "Ms." was being promoted was: "Miss indicates a women who goes by her father's name. Mrs indicates a woman who goes by her husband's name. Ms is for women who are known by their own names."

NYCBruin

StageManager14 said:

I get irrationally irritated at being Ms. Last name at work (from people who know for a fact that I am married and took H's last name anyway) because I dislike the implication that calling me by my proper social title somehow demeans or devalues me. Being a Mrs in no way makes me less competent or individual and I hate the idea that I'm somehow supposed to downplay my marriage in order tone a successful professional. That being said, I always preferred Ms to Miss as a single woman because I worked retail and restaurants for many years, and being "hey you, miss!" made me equate it with annoyed customers. However, I've never been actually offended by any address on a piece of mail, whether it be Miss, Ms, or Mrs. It's just not that big of a deal.

To clarify, I don't think there's anything wrong with calling a woman "Miss" or "Mrs." in a professional setting if they have indicated that is there preference.  I think that Ms. is the proper default in professional settings.

FWIW I can't imagine a situation where this would come up for me.  If I know you well enough to know that you prefer "Miss" or "Mrs." over "Ms." then we have been on a first-name basis for quite some time and I'm not using a title anyways.  I should also add that I work in a largely male-dominated field and when a man calls someone by a title other than "Ms." it usually feels like it done to draw attention to the female's marital status, which has no bearing on her abilities.  I also don't know any women in my field who go by "Miss" or "Mrs."

NYCBruin

StageManager14 said:

@NYCBruin, I get "Ms. Last name" a lot when I'm being introduced to new students or first time patrons (by people I am on a first name basis with and have been for 10 years). Actually, what I usually get is "Ms. maiden name married name" which is NOT my name. I also work in a male dominated field, but I've never felt patronized by the guys in the shop or backstage so much. I did however catch shit from pretty much every woman (and quite a few males in the office end) that I worked with at the time I decided to change my name. And I get a lot of flack for "setting back the women's movement" and "buying in the oppression", so I admit I'm more sensitive than the average woman to the other side.

Oh hell no!  That's some messed-up bullshit!

Yeah, we usually do introductions as "I'd like you to meet First Name Last Name," and most people then go by first names.  So on the very rare occasion that someone uses "Miss" or "Mrs." it's awkward.  I was in a meeting once where someone referred to one of the women as "Miss" and he got a very public reprimand.  I leaned then to use Ms. unless you are sure the woman prefers otherwise.

If people were frequently introducing me as a name that they knew wasn't mine/my preference I'd be pretty pissed off.

As to the second part, that's also bullshit.  I can see how that would make you sensitive on the other side of this issue.  I will be taking FI's name, and those comments would make me livid as well.