"Promise" Rings

gpeeples

I wasn't sure where to post this, but I had to start this discussion.  What is everyone's opinion of "promise" rings?  I personally, think they are pretty stupid.  Isn't an engagement ring a symbol of a promise?  Why have a ring before the engagement ring?  I guess the whole idea just seems juvenile to me.  If you want to get a ring as a gift, call it a gift, not a promise ring.

wittykitty14

We got a "promise" ring because we didn't have the money for an engagement ring.  It may sound stupid, but neither of us were comfortable being engaged and not having a ring for me.  It works for some people, but I know I wouldn't have liked it.  So, we found a $20 ring on amazon.  I still wear it on my right hand.

Funny thing is that less than a month after we got that ring, my mom decided she wanted to give her mother's engagement ring to me and DH (then BF).  We were officially engaged after that was resized for me.

NerdyLucy

gpeeples said:

 Isn't an engagement ring a symbol of a promise? 

I was always a bit confused on it as well.  If the engagement is technically a promise, then is the promise ring a symbol of your promise to promise?  I don't know. 

I've always just figured that it has meaning for the couple even if I didn't personally understand it.

Weezy56

I never had one, but my brother gave my SIL one when they were dating. I don't really have an opinion on them either way.

gpeeples

wittykitty14 said:

We got a "promise" ring because we didn't have the money for an engagement ring.  It may sound stupid, but neither of us were comfortable being engaged and not having a ring for me.  It works for some people, but I know I wouldn't have liked it.  So, we found a $20 ring on amazon.  I still wear it on my right hand.

Funny thing is that less than a month after we got that ring, my mom decided she wanted to give her mother's engagement ring to me and DH (then BF).  We were officially engaged after that was resized for me.

I have a friend who is planning on getting engaged soon, but since they don't have the money for an engagement ring, they are going to get a ring that has a less expensive stone in sterling silver.  They plan to call it an engagement ring, and then later on when they have the money they are going to get a diamond ring for an anniversary.  I'd still consider what you guys had an "engagement" ring, because it was given at the time of your engagement.  When I was talking about promise rings, I was mostly referring to people who aren't ready to be engaged, but get a ring as a promise to eventually get engaged.

NerdyLucy

wittykitty14 said:

We got a "promise" ring because we didn't have the money for an engagement ring.  It may sound stupid, but neither of us were comfortable being engaged and not having a ring for me.  It works for some people, but I know I wouldn't have liked it.  So, we found a $20 ring on amazon.  I still wear it on my right hand.

Funny thing is that less than a month after we got that ring, my mom decided she wanted to give her mother's engagement ring to me and DH (then BF).  We were officially engaged after that was resized for me.

So was the original intention to be engaged, but you just needed to get an affordable ring at first? 

I'm just genuinely curious.

 

I find that, on here, some people have different definitions of engagement than I do.  Some people believe you need to have a ring to be engaged, but to me, just the plan to get married is engagement, ring or not.  Even a $20 ring can be an engagement ring, by my definition. 

Of course, some people may disagree with that.

s-aries8990

BF got me a promise ring instead of an engagement ring when we were 18. He brought up the idea of getting engaged and I told him I would say no, especially since I would be living in a dorm room for the next 4 years. I think he really wanted me to wear a ring on my ring finger to give him piece of mind while I was in College 3 hours away. We still are together, but aren't engaged because we just aren't in a position to get married yet and I would be annoyed to have a super duper long engagement (like 4, 5, 6 years).

This is mine:

It's small but I love it and wear it proudly every day. It's a gift from him and a reminder of everything we've been through together (you change a lot between 17 and 23).

I think that it IS juvenile, but it's ok for juveniles... like kids in HS/College who really AREN'T ready for marriage at that point (some are, but most aren't). I think that a promise ring is a promise of commitment, something with more meaning than a gift, but not everyone is in the position to get married when they decide they want to commit their lives to each other. And they may not be ready to do so for several reasons (money, ability to devote their time, leaving for a job, leaving for college, etc.)

I think that giving promise rings past the age of like 25 or so are kind of odd? I guess you could say?, but not necessarily stupid.

s-aries8990

NerdyLucy said:

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wittykitty14 said:

We got a "promise" ring because we didn't have the money for an engagement ring.  It may sound stupid, but neither of us were comfortable being engaged and not having a ring for me.  It works for some people, but I know I wouldn't have liked it.  So, we found a $20 ring on amazon.  I still wear it on my right hand.

Funny thing is that less than a month after we got that ring, my mom decided she wanted to give her mother's engagement ring to me and DH (then BF).  We were officially engaged after that was resized for me.

So was the original intention to be engaged, but you just needed to get an affordable ring at first? 

I'm just genuinely curious.

 

I find that, on here, some people have different definitions of engagement than I do.  Some people believe you need to have a ring to be engaged, but to me, just the plan to get married is engagement, ring or not.  Even a $20 ring can be an engagement ring, by my definition. 

Of course, some people may disagree with that.

I define "engagement" as a definitive plan to get married as opposed to a "we'll get married when it's right" type of thing (my situation).

gpeeples

I would consider an engagement to mean that you are ready to plan a wedding.  I know it's different for others, though.  For example, my brother had a longer engagement, and when he got engaged, it meant they planned to get married eventually.  That kind of engagement wouldn't have worked for me, though.

gpeeples

Also @s-aries8990 your ring is beautiful.

wittykitty14

 

gpeeples said:

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wittykitty14 said:

We got a "promise" ring because we didn't have the money for an engagement ring.  It may sound stupid, but neither of us were comfortable being engaged and not having a ring for me.  It works for some people, but I know I wouldn't have liked it.  So, we found a $20 ring on amazon.  I still wear it on my right hand.

Funny thing is that less than a month after we got that ring, my mom decided she wanted to give her mother's engagement ring to me and DH (then BF).  We were officially engaged after that was resized for me.

I have a friend who is planning on getting engaged soon, but since they don't have the money for an engagement ring, they are going to get a ring that has a less expensive stone in sterling silver.  They plan to call it an engagement ring, and then later on when they have the money they are going to get a diamond ring for an anniversary.  I'd still consider what you guys had an "engagement" ring, because it was given at the time of your engagement.  When I was talking about promise rings, I was mostly referring to people who aren't ready to be engaged, but get a ring as a promise to eventually get engaged.

To the bolded-no, it wasn't.  We did not consider ourselves to be engaged at that point.  We just knew it was going to happen later on.  FTR, we have the same view on what promise rings are for. 

For me, I didn't want to be "engaged", and wear a ring on my left hand unless it was the ring I was going to be wearing for the rest of my life.  Then again, I'm weird like that.  We were planning to start saving for an engagement ring, but then fate took its course.

I was 23 when this happened.  I didn't go around flaunting the ring as a promise ring-just a ring that my BF gave me, if anyone asked.  It was labeled as a promise ring on Amazon, and I liked the way it looked.  It doesn't have to be juvenille unless you make it that way. 

NerdyLucy

wittykitty14 said:

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I was 23 when this happened.  I didn't go around flaunting the ring as a promise ring-just a ring that my BF gave me, if anyone asked.  It was labeled as a promise ring on Amazon, and I liked the way it looked.  It doesn't have to be juvenille unless you make it that way. 

I gotcha.  What matters is that it had meaning for you.

s-aries8990

NerdyLucy said:

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wittykitty14 said:

 

I was 23 when this happened.  I didn't go around flaunting the ring as a promise ring-just a ring that my BF gave me, if anyone asked.  It was labeled as a promise ring on Amazon, and I liked the way it looked.  It doesn't have to be juvenille unless you make it that way. 

I gotcha.  What matters is that it had meaning for you.

Exactly!

swimmy1988

DH (then BF) gave me a promise ring 9 months after we started dating. We weren't ready to get engaged or plan a wedding at that point, because we wanted to take things slow, but he wanted something to promise he was in for the long haul.
I was 22 at the time and he was 30, but I loved it.

CLoGreenEyes

Eh. The concept doesn't bother me. I think if you want to express your commitment but are not ready in practical ways to get married, it is a sweet gesture.

Ajuliana

I got a promise ring six months before we got engaged, and he was way more romantic with the first than the proposal! Either way I'm marrying the man of my dreams!

FFIL gave his girlfriend an emerald ring and called it a "I promise not to marry you and you promise not to marry me" ring since neither wants to get married again.

AllieBear725

FI gave me 2 promise rings before he proposed. It was really his way of us basically being engaged but he couldn't afford the ring he wanted to propose with. He upgraded me from an amber sterling silver ring, to a blue topaz sterling silver ring, to the diamond split shank that's my E-ring now. I love the fact I got 2 rings before he proposed. I wouldn't have had it any other way. I never went around flaunting it either. 

ETA: To not so.

lyndsay782

My FI bought me a promise ring about a year and a half before we got engaged.  He wasn't fully ready for engagement and marriage, but wanted me to know that he promised he'd get there.  And he did.

Now my promise ring is my stand in whenever my ring is getting retipped or repaired (like I need to send it in for now).

Comipa

My FI gave me a promise ring on our 6 month anniversary. I wore it for a year before I replaced it with an engagement ring.

I think they're a good in-between step for couples that want to display their commitment in ring form but don't want to announce and engagement or plan a wedding yet.

libby2483

I know that most of the ladies on the NEY board aren't big fans of promise rings, and I personally think they are a little juvenile.  I guess I probably think this because my high school students get so excited when their boyfriends give them promise rings, and most of them end up breaking up eventually. I just associate them with high school kids that think they are so super in love that they will be together forever and ever...and then they aren't.

swimmy1988

libby2483 said:

I know that most of the ladies on the NEY board aren't big fans of promise rings, and I personally think they are a little juvenile.  I guess I probably think this because my high school students get so excited when their boyfriends give them promise rings, and most of them end up breaking up eventually. I just associate them with high school kids that think they are so super in love that they will be together forever and ever...and then they aren't.

That makes a lot of sense, so I totally get where you're coming from.

carpediem27

I wore a Claddagh ring on my left hand from about  9 months of dating until we got engaged after dating for almost 4 years. For us it was a symbol that we one day planned to get married, but were not able to at that point in time. We never really had a name for it, but if anyone asked we explained what the Claddagh stands for in Gaelic. After we were engaged I wore it on my right hand until it got mangled in a car accident.

misssunshine17

I literally had the same story at @s-aries8990! So go read hers and think its mine. 

gpeeples

StageManager14 said:

 Ironically, I'm pretty sure my e ring was marketed as a promise ring.

I hate when jewelry stores market rings as "promise rings."  To me, it's them saying, "buy this and then buy another more expensive ring later!"  My wedding band was marketed as an "anniversary band."  I was thinking, "come on, stop telling people they need to buy so many pieces of jewelry!"

hordol

coopergirl15 said:

I'm a little confused about the promise ring tradition myself. I've heard that it can also be related to chastity (promising to save sex for marriage) in the Christian religion. I would not have been pleased if my parents gave me a promise ring for that purpose. My father tried to give me the "save yourself for marriage" lecture...and then told me later he was not a virgin when he married my mom. (Nope, not hypocritical at all, Dad.) For that reason alone I would have viewed it as a hypocritical double standard. I feel the same way about promise rings in the engagement sense, but I got engaged at 26. My attitude at that point was give me a damn e-ring or a right hand ring, but don't give me a "promise ring" and expect me to wear it like an e-ring. I wasn't thrilled to not have an e-ring and have to fend off questions of whether or not I was in a relationship, but it was better than facing questions about a ring on my left ring finger that I knew wasn't an e-ring. I don't necessarily begrudge anyone else the promise ring concept if they make the decision to wear one, though.

I had always known those rings to be called purity rings, not promise rings. Not saying you're wrong, I just haven't heard that.

Personally I'm not a huge fan of either (purity or promise) for myself, but I have no problems/judgment for other people wearing them. The only rings I would want to wear are engagement and wedding rings.

GB520

I think the concept is dumb. I would rather have someone wait til they are actually ready financially and mature enough to get married. My feeling is this if you are over say 19 then it's silly. I think if you  want one past that age because to me it's worth waiting and saving up for a real engagment ring. I don't like the promise for a promise especially bc since engagment is a promise to get married.

Dma361

I think the engagement is a promise to get married. My fiancé and I will have been engaged for 2 years when we get married. At 40 years old, if he'd given me a promise ring, I would have thought it was pretty silly. That just seems like something the girls in high school squealed about. I take it as "we're not old enough to get married, but I promise we'll defy the odds, make it out high school, I won't screw half the college freshman, and we'll live happily ever after."

NYCBruin

Dma361 said:

I think the engagement is a promise to get married. My fiancé and I will have been engaged for 2 years when we get married. At 40 years old, if he'd given me a promise ring, I would have thought it was pretty silly. That just seems like something the girls in high school squealed about. I take it as "we're not old enough to get married, but I promise we'll defy the odds, make it out high school, I won't screw half the college freshman, and we'll live happily ever after."

This made me giggle.

Ajuliana

NYCBruin said:

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Dma361 said:

I think the engagement is a promise to get married. My fiancé and I will have been engaged for 2 years when we get married. At 40 years old, if he'd given me a promise ring, I would have thought it was pretty silly. That just seems like something the girls in high school squealed about. I take it as "we're not old enough to get married, but I promise we'll defy the odds, make it out high school, I won't screw half the college freshman, and we'll live happily ever after."

This made me giggle.

Me too!  My 18 year old sister's boyfriend asked me the other day how "big" my ring was, and I glared at him and used my big sister telepathy to tell him he better NOT be thinking of proposing to her.  I might not even let a promise ring slide, because he's kind of a dick.

Dma361

NYCBruin said:

Dma361 said:

I think the engagement is a promise to get married. My fiancé and I will have been engaged for 2 years when we get married. At 40 years old, if he'd given me a promise ring, I would have thought it was pretty silly. That just seems like something the girls in high school squealed about. I take it as "we're not old enough to get married, but I promise we'll defy the odds, make it out high school, I won't screw half the college freshman, and we'll live happily ever after."

This made me giggle.

Me too!  My 18 year old sister's boyfriend asked me the other day how "big" my ring was, and I glared at him and used my big sister telepathy to tell him he better NOT be thinking of proposing to her.  I might not even let a promise ring slide, because he's kind of a dick.

And that made me giggle. Haha!

Ajuliana

tarratall said:

I think it is nice when a significant other buys you jewelry, but just like I didn't call the locket from my first serious boyfriend a "promise locket," I just wouldn't call a piece of jewelry a promise ring.  You don't call foreplay "promise sex" so until that happens, I'm only seeing syrupy sweet high school memories of friends that are now married to different people than they were promised to.

Not to knock you all that rock the pre-e-ring-bling, but I just don't usually dig the name.  Totally cool with jewelry though.

I think my stone was considered a "promise ring" stone and sadly, most places consider under a certain weight to be such.  I love my ring though and wouldn't trade it for the world.

I could go for some promise sex right now...or just skip it and go to the sex sex.  Sorry for the overshare!  

And screw people who think carat weight matters.  Getting what you love, or what you can afford, or whatever the reason for why people get what they get, has nothing to do with how much they love eachother.