Second Wedding - Dress etiquette

AllyIdo

Hi All,

I got married when I was 27 years old. Had a big, fluffy wedding. We got divorced a year later, and my ex is now happily married to the woman from work I caught him cheating on me with. Excellent!

Fast forward five years and I'm 32 and getting married again. I picked the right guy this time! I'm now starting to look at dresses, and I'm wondering what the "rules" are about my dress the second time around. My thought is to steer clear of anything too poofy, too bridal looking, but I plan to wear white or ivory.

More than half the guests were not at my first wedding. I don't want anyone to think it's tacky of me to be in a white dress again, KWIM?

I should also mention that we are getting married in Vegas. 50 people, hotel chapel ceremony, fancy dinner and big night out afterwards.  I wanted to wear something long so I'd feel like a bride... but a Vegas bride, something with some bling!

Any thoughts on the etiquette of second wedding dresses? Thanks!

KeptInStitches

Wear whatever makes you feel beautiful. There is no "proper etiquette" for a dress for a second wedding as far as I am aware.

NerdyLucy

I am all about wearing whatever you want. 

QueerFemme

Where whatever you want.  there is nothing that says you can't have a "wedding gown" for your second wedding.  For vegas though, I'd find something with a ton of bling, and probably a shorter train. 

MayDay513

I agree with PPs. Look beautiful, be happy.

manateehugger

You're a bride. You should look like the bride you are. 

But I agree with QueerFemme, I'd make sure my dress had the right feel and formality for my wedding (I'd say this regardless). 

itzMS

When I heard "Vegas" I immediately thought of something like this. Super sexy neckline and back and a fun skirt that's easy to walk around in.

 

http://watters.com/Product/WattersBrides/Features:LuxeFabrics/3032B/

add blingy belt...

http://watters.com/Product/WattersAccessories/Features:SashesAndBelts/3901B/

 

ETA: My ex is marrying the woman he cheated on me with, too! YAY! haha...you're not alone.

efmcc67

There's no etiquette on dresses for second weddings, and anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. If you want to wear a big, puffy wedding dress, go for it! If you don't, that's fine, too. Just wear whatever makes you feel beautiful!

AllyIdo

Thanks for all the replies. I am so self conscious about the whole thing. I keep thinking everyone is judging me. This is mostly on me, but I've had a few comments made that have bothered me.

Stepmom: "You're not going to have bridesmaids, are you???"

Friend I sent a link of a dress to: "It's pretty bridal, I think you should wear something short."

Random friend of family: "Congratulations on your engagement!" Then in a low voice "Is this his second wedding too?"

Annoying coworker: "Congratulations! I hope you truly find happiness this time" Really? DIG much?

I've been trying to make the whole shebang pretty much the opposite of a wedding, hence Vegas.

This is FI's first wedding. He wants to have his brothers as his groomsmen. Stepmom then says "You aren't going to make the girls buy a dress are you?" Sheesh, I guess not!

Thanks for letting me vent!

NerdyLucy

allyscud said:

Thanks for all the replies. I am so self conscious about the whole thing. I keep thinking everyone is judging me. This is mostly on me, but I've had a few comments made that have bothered me.

Stepmom: "You're not going to have bridesmaids, are you???"

Friend I sent a link of a dress to: "It's pretty bridal, I think you should wear something short."

Random friend of family: "Congratulations on your engagement!" Then in a low voice "Is this his second wedding too?"

Annoying coworker: "Congratulations! I hope you truly find happiness this time" Really? DIG much?

I've been trying to make the whole shebang pretty much the opposite of a wedding, hence Vegas.

This is FI's first wedding. He wants to have his brothers as his groomsmen. Stepmom then says "You aren't going to make the girls buy a dress are you?" Sheesh, I guess not!

Thanks for letting me vent!

I understand.

Somebody will always have SOMETHING to say, so you might as well wear what you want.

MayDay513

allyscud said:

Thanks for all the replies. I am so self conscious about the whole thing. I keep thinking everyone is judging me. This is mostly on me, but I've had a few comments made that have bothered me.

Stepmom: "You're not going to have bridesmaids, are you???"

Friend I sent a link of a dress to: "It's pretty bridal, I think you should wear something short."

Random friend of family: "Congratulations on your engagement!" Then in a low voice "Is this his second wedding too?"

Annoying coworker: "Congratulations! I hope you truly find happiness this time" Really? DIG much?

I've been trying to make the whole shebang pretty much the opposite of a wedding, hence Vegas.

This is FI's first wedding. He wants to have his brothers as his groomsmen. Stepmom then says "You aren't going to make the girls buy a dress are you?" Sheesh, I guess not!

Thanks for letting me vent!

All the bolded belongs in a "Stupid shit people say" post.

wrigleyville

Hey... Vegas weddings are still weddings.   /vegas bride

I think it would be kind of fun to find one of those dresses that's long for the ceremony but then has a removable part so it's shorter for the reception and walking around the strip. (I highly recommend Todd from Bently & Wilson if you're planning to do a photo shoot along the strip - he's amazing, and his prices are great.)

Also, if you find a dress you love but it isn't very blingy, there are lots of belts and such you can buy from Etsy (might be cheaper than buying from a bridal salon).

Some Vegas brides like to wear more retro dresses so they can get the whole Vegas vibe in there. Check out http://dollycouture.com/  It's just another idea.

elizabetheleven

This will be my second wedding. I'm wearing a bridal looking gown and It's ivory. I wanted white but ivory looked better onthe gown I choose. I have 2 children from my previous marriage... It's no shock I'm not a virgin! Wear what makes you happy

I've gotten some rude comments as well. Some people just don't realize how they come across. Just let it roll off your back. And congrats on finding the "right" guy this time! Lol

LAM524

allyscud said:

Thanks for all the replies. I am so self conscious about the whole thing. I keep thinking everyone is judging me. This is mostly on me, but I've had a few comments made that have bothered me.

Stepmom: "You're not going to have bridesmaids, are you???"

Friend I sent a link of a dress to: "It's pretty bridal, I think you should wear something short."

Random friend of family: "Congratulations on your engagement!" Then in a low voice "Is this his second wedding too?"

Annoying coworker: "Congratulations! I hope you truly find happiness this time" Really? DIG much?

I've been trying to make the whole shebang pretty much the opposite of a wedding, hence Vegas.

This is FI's first wedding. He wants to have his brothers as his groomsmen. Stepmom then says "You aren't going to make the girls buy a dress are you?" Sheesh, I guess not!

Thanks for letting me vent!

I know exactly how you feel! We've been engaged 7 months (wedding May 24th) and I experienced a whirlwind of confused thoughts because this is my 2nd wedding (1st marriage). Because its my 2nd, and because I heard things like "you are having a wedding with guest?" and "you are having parties?" and "you cant possible think out of state family will come and endure those expenses" and "have it in the back of a vfw and have people bring a dish" and " why would you have bridesmaids?"....all followed by gasps of air escaping the persons lungs!! My wonderful mother!

I found myself "fighting" the ceremony/celebration that I ideally wanted....we ideally wanted. I suffered complete confusion as to what "gown" is appropriate. I thought I had to wear something low low key...in white but not a "wedding gown" and def. not anything like I desired.

Then....(trumpets)....because of this site and the wonderful attitudes that are shared, I realized that I dont have to be "punished" because I was married before. So....I am embracing this "2nd" time with excitement! I am wearing a gorgeous wedding gown...anyone I want! We are having a huge bridal party...and reception...and Im even sending STD's and inviting OTT's! Gasp!

Do/wear whatever your heart wants!! You deserve it!!! Congrats on finding love...celebrate it anyway you wish!!!!!!

BMoreBride6

Does your stepmom typically make those kind of comments in other aspects of your life?  Not nice...

But anyway you're still a young bride!  Rock whatever you feel most incredible in!  Especially since its FI's first wedding...do it all up and give him a knockout bride (if that's what you want of course!).  Basically what I'm saying is wear whatever makes you feel best when marrying your husband : ) 

s-aries8990

Wear whatever you want! I feel like Vegas needs lots of bling and pizzaz!!

And there will never be a shortage of assholes in this world!

lc07

You should wear whatever you feel fabulous in. Congrats on your upcoming marriage! I'm a bit partial to my own wedding dress. I think it would be a rad Vegas dress: http://www.faviana.com/catalog/dress-6564

MayDay513

I was in Vegas for our second leg of our HM and we saw lots of brides down there. Ball gowns, trumpets, wear whatever you want. It's Vegas. You could wear a white bikini top and a tutu if you really wanted to.

harper0813

You have every right to look bridal! Wear what you'd like. Agree with PPs that something sparkly with sass would be awesome for a Vegas wedding. Love Itz's suggestion!

rkbo

My first wedding was a Vegas wedding...with an appetizer reception at a house afterwards. I did wear the foofoo dress and walk down the aisle with my dad, but no big party afterwards...oh, and I was only 20..so its not like i could drink or gamble...wtf was i thinking! I am now 34 and am getting married again and having a less foofoo dress but we are throwing the big party after this time...and oh yea, I can drink this time!! Apparently I did it ass backwards, but I didn't care

Bubbles2014

allyscud said:

Thanks for all the replies. I am so self conscious about the whole thing. I keep thinking everyone is judging me. This is mostly on me, but I've had a few comments made that have bothered me.

Stepmom: "You're not going to have bridesmaids, are you???"

Friend I sent a link of a dress to: "It's pretty bridal, I think you should wear something short."

Random friend of family: "Congratulations on your engagement!" Then in a low voice "Is this his second wedding too?"

Annoying coworker: "Congratulations! I hope you truly find happiness this time" Really? DIG much?

I've been trying to make the whole shebang pretty much the opposite of a wedding, hence Vegas.

This is FI's first wedding. He wants to have his brothers as his groomsmen. Stepmom then says "You aren't going to make the girls buy a dress are you?" Sheesh, I guess not!

Thanks for letting me vent!

I understand.

Somebody will always have SOMETHING to say, so you might as well wear what you want.

This. A second wedding doesn't make it any less special or important. Have a white dress, bridesmaids, etc. I don't think you should go without (or that your FI should have to) because you have been married before. FWIW this is my FIs second marriage. He is having a best man, groomsman and groomswoman.

KDM323

Your stepmom sounds like a real piece of work.  Those are sort of hurtful remarks.

Regardless....wear whatever you want!!! 

jennylee813

Agree with PPs. I struggled with this too - and again, had the same sorts of comments from people (especially my mom) - but finally realized that we deserve the wedding that WE want. 

I picked a dress is 'me' and reflects my style. And after the third time my mother said, "so you're not wearing a WEDDING dress, are you?" 

I responded with, "Absolutely! Since it's our wedding, ANY dress I wear is a wedding dress. How silly to think otherwise!" She stopped asking after that.

hnkirk81

I am also getting married for the second time, and the guilt I felt when we began the planning process was a little overwhelming. Then, I stumbled upon this little gem: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/287788/it-s-normal#latest I still get a twinge of guilt from time to time, but I just think back to that post and I move on - I'm marrying a wonderful man and it's okay for me to enjoy my wedding day! Oh, and it's totally okay for me to rock a "bridal" dress; I am a bride after all!

jcrmc

When I went for my fitting, the other girl there was a 2nd time bride, ALSO going to Vegas. She was wearing a very body flattering dress (she has a body to kill for...although, maybe add a bit more curves...i like plump )

http://bit.ly/13NchKO <- this, but she had the cross back straps taken off so it was a fully open back.

She told me that she was planning on having a blingy-bouquet of crystals and feathers to vegas-it-up

CheleLyn

This is my third marriage...yeah, I know I wore a wedding dress for my second and was really hesitant about this time. I didn't want people to say, "Third time and she's doing the whole white dress thing?!" And we've gone from two attendants each to five!

One of my bridesmaids said it to me first...Who cares if it's your first, third, tenth, whatever. This is your first wedding to (your FI). Wear a wedding dress and own it! And screw what anyone thinks. Have people around you that love and support and are happy for you.

I ended up buying a dress that is white, chiffon, and totally fits who I am now

wrigleyville

Because the blusher is historically a symbol of purity and innocence. It was there to hide the bride's face until after the vows had been completed and the marriage was official (back in the days of arranged marriages).

For the same reason, white dresses are usually frowned upon for second weddings, as the bride is no longer a virgin, but that's gone by the wayside with some of the newer generations since I imagine a larger percentage of brides in the modern day are no longer virgins but wear white anyway. White has become tradition and means "bride" now instead of "virgin bride". Also, I think it's more along the lines of we can pretend a new bride is a virgin, but when it's a second wedding, who are we kidding?

I, myself, do not care if someone wants to wear white, pink, or black on their wedding day, whether it's a first wedding or eighth wedding. As long as they're feeding me and giving me free dessert, party on. I do think a blusher is a bit odd, though. If they want to wear something like that, a fascinator with a birdcage veil makes more sense.

annathy03

allyscud said:

Thanks for all the replies. I am so self conscious about the whole thing. I keep thinking everyone is judging me. This is mostly on me, but I've had a few comments made that have bothered me.

Stepmom: "You're not going to have bridesmaids, are you???"

Friend I sent a link of a dress to: "It's pretty bridal, I think you should wear something short."

Random friend of family: "Congratulations on your engagement!" Then in a low voice "Is this his second wedding too?"

Annoying coworker: "Congratulations! I hope you truly find happiness this time" Really? DIG much?

I've been trying to make the whole shebang pretty much the opposite of a wedding, hence Vegas.

This is FI's first wedding. He wants to have his brothers as his groomsmen. Stepmom then says "You aren't going to make the girls buy a dress are you?" Sheesh, I guess not!

Thanks for letting me vent!

If I wasn't on my iPad right now I'd post a gif of Kirsten Dunst in Bachelorette. Bride "people say (mean crap)"' Kirsten's character "look at me. FUCK other people."

Wear what you want, I think your only concerns should be how YOU feel in your dress, and if you can party the night away in it :-D

NYCBruin

CMGr said:

Sorry to disagree @ Wrigleyville, but white dresses have never symbolized virginity or purity.  They weren't popular until Queen Victoria wore one for her marriage to Prince Albert.  Many ladies copied the queen, just as lace has had a renewed interest since Kate married Prince William.  Most brides simply wore their Sunday best dress to be married.
I read a fascinating book this summer about wedding traditions in the USA.  They change all the time.  Thirty years ago, a second time bride would have been discouraged from wearing a white dress, but that has completely changed. 
The blusher veil thing is one of these older traditions.  It is simply a tradition.  In Jewish weddings, the groom uncovers the bride's face to insure that he is marrying the right girl.  (The Old Testament story tells us of Jacob, who was tricked into marrying the wrong sister.)  Anyway, this tradition still does exist for second marriages.  It has nothing to do with virginity.

Thanks for posting!  The misconception about wearing white always bothered me.

Do you happen to remember the name of that book?  Sounds like an interesting read!

efmcc67

CMGr said:

Sorry to disagree @ Wrigleyville, but white dresses have never symbolized virginity or purity.  They weren't popular until Queen Victoria wore one for her marriage to Prince Albert.  Many ladies copied the queen, just as lace has had a renewed interest since Kate married Prince William.  Most brides simply wore their Sunday best dress to be married.
I read a fascinating book this summer about wedding traditions in the USA.  They change all the time.  Thirty years ago, a second time bride would have been discouraged from wearing a white dress, but that has completely changed. 
The blusher veil thing is one of these older traditions.  It is simply a tradition.  In Jewish weddings, the groom uncovers the bride's face to insure that he is marrying the right girl.  (The Old Testament story tells us of Jacob, who was tricked into marrying the wrong sister.)  Anyway, this tradition still does exist for second marriages.  It has nothing to do with virginity.

Along those lines, I also remember hearing that it was considered good form in the Victorian Era to wear your wedding dress again if you were paying a visit to the queen. Since Queen Victoria started the trend, she was happy to see other brides choosing to wear a white dress, and enjoyed seeing young married women donning their white dresses again.

NYCBruin

@CMGr thanks for the info!  It's now on my (ever growing) to-read list!