Non-GIS Complaining/Venting

NonosGirl

Just need to complain/vent and since this is where I post most I felt like it should go here. 

FI and I decided that this summer we can't really afford any long weekends away because of the up coming wedding and me being furloughed from my job for 11 days. So a few weeks ago I suggested we drive to the west side of the state and stay with his parents so we could go to the beach and go pick some blueberries at his cousins blueberry farm. FI thought it was a great idea and asked his parents if they would mind. They said they'd love to have us.

So last night we arrive at his parents house and his mom says 'so what beach are we going to?' I almost lost it, "we"? I didn't know they were coming. She was also talking about how 'we' were going blueberry picking and how she was said his dad couldn't come ( he works overnight). I was kinda baffled, I thought FI and I were doing these things together without his parents. When I questioned FI he said he didn't know they wanted to come and left it at that.

Well the beach didn't work out today because of the weather but we were kinda forced to spend the whole day with his mom. We walked around a downtown area where she complained about her knees and hips the entire time.  I am so frustrated, I thought this was going to be a weekend to enjoy but now I feel like I have to deal with FI's mom. He's any only child and they completely baby him and expect to be involved in every aspect of his life. I can just see how blueberry picking is going to go tomorrow she's going to complain the whole time, which means she should just stay home but she won't because she might miss out on time with her son.

I'm sure by now I make no sense and sound like an awful person but I don't know if I'll ever figure out how not to let my FMIL drive me nuts! anyone else have these issues?

ptrose13

My Fi is not an only child, and we live close by, so there is no long time between seeing each other or flying to see each other, etc.  But, for some reason, they expect him to go over every week and have a meal.  Why?  I have no f'ing clue.  They don't discuss anything important, in fact one of his parents pretty much txt's him every day anyway.  And when I don't go, his mom asks where I am and why I'm not there (I try to have him go when I'm working weird hours so I have a good excuse).  I don't get it at all, they want an official sit down meal every week, and I have no idea why, and what's more is his dad is such a judgemental jackass I can't stand sitting there being talked to like that either, I don't even enjoy it in the least!  I've told him in not so many words that we have better things to do and that it is a weird and unrealistic expectation, and that they need to work on breaking the habit now before we have any kids because I'm certainly not dragging them there weekly.  I never grew up visiting my grandparents weekly, and my parents got used to not seeing me often when I lived in FL, but there is no convincing him/them. 

So, @nonosgirl, I totally get it, and I don't think you are being mean, my bet would be that he didn't explain fully to them the expectations so that he doesn't offend her either. That's what my Fi would do anyway, so he wasn't in 'trouble' with either side.  I always feel mean saying things regarding pulling away from his parents too, but eventually, there needs to be some more separation and a line drawn.

Lobsters25

Why are their moms always stage five clingers?  Seriously, what the heck?

Sorry you have to deal with this, that sucks.  Perhaps you can make some dinner reservations out, though, and say privately to her that you were hoping to surprise him with a quiet evening out for the two of you.  I am sure she would understand if you explain to her that you would just like a few hours of 'vaca' time, and maybe her feelings won't be hurt if she feels that you are simply looking forward to doing this for him, rather than thinking/knowing that you are trying to escape her.

NonosGirl

I survived blueberry picking! It was a little awkward but his mom didn't drive me too crazy.

@ptrose13 - I'm afraid exactly what you explained is going to happen when his parents move to the east side of the state in a year or so. They are moving to be closer to him.

@lobsters25 - hahahahaha a stage 5 clinger... That kinda explains his mom. As much as she is great and a good person sometimes she's just too possessive of her son. Some of this is of course his fault for not setting good boundaries.

@kwitherington - it's funny we never see my family but we see his at least once a month. They usually come to stay at put house.

@xcalygrl - I hear you, but I was not saying we should have all our time to ourselves. I was just anticipating a few hours at the beach and a few hours picking berries on our own. This means they would have our time Thursday evening, Friday morning & evening, and Saturday morning and evening. As well as the usually Sunday brunch which we always do when they are at our house.

I also didn't explain my FI's mom at all. She talks constantly and FI just tunes her out. It is a tough place for me because I am generally chatty but she talks about things that I can't even explain. Any-hoo we are on our way to dinner, we are meeting FI's best man and some of his college friends.

ptrose13

@Nonosgirl- one thing they talked about in our pre cana class that hit home for me because of this issue, that gave me grounds to bring it up is the idea of setting boundaries early and sticking to them, and having it be 'us' vs the world, not your H to be being ok with it, and you fuming in the background.  I've brought this up already, and though nothing has been done about it yet since we aren't married yet, I have put it out there, and to give my Fi credit, after talking he did switch from constantly going at times when I would have to go, to going over when I am at work or playing softball, and not always eating meals with them (I still think it's all too much, but at least there is some progress).  I would talk to Fi once you are home and try to express what boundaries you might be used to since it's not how everyone grew up.  It's something we are still in the process of ironing out as well.