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rehearsal dinner dilemma... ugh.

Hi knotties!! 

So my FI parent's are paying for our rehearsal dinner, which is super sweet of them. The downside is that they want to invite everyone to the dinner, instead of just keeping it intimate and immediate family only. She said it's up to me, but I know that's what she wants. What's a good compromise? I feel like it's going to be ridiculously expensive and something that we'll have to coordinate with everyone, which could get hectic. They did this when my FI's brother got married, but that was at a small hotel and it wasn't where the couple were getting married. I feel like they are going to end up paying an arm and a leg for 50 people (it'll be like a second reception almost) and it will make the toasts and us giving gifts to our parents and bridal party far less personal. one thing I'm thinking is maybe they do a welcome reception with some snack trays and drinks for 2 hours, then we do the rehearsal with immediate family and then do a dinner with that same group - that way there's a clear division of when the whole group is there versus just our immediate families. OR let them do a DDB tour before our rehearsal with everyone, then do a dinner after rehearsal with the small group. 

With the size we're inviting, they may have to do a catered event at the hotel and that would be like the same food 2 days in row! Ugh, am I being selfish for wanting to keep the rehearsal dinner small? How do I let my future MIL know that I think it could get too expensive, too complicated and the next day is when everyone will be all together (at our reception), without hurting her feelings... they are paying for it, after all. 

thanks for any advice.

Re: rehearsal dinner dilemma... ugh.

  • mnuppmnupp member
    100 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Answer
    Remind us where you are getting married/having reception and where you think your guests will stay? Maybe we can brainstorm some ideas for a cool cocktail reception not too far away ...
  • Thanks so much love! We're getting married and having our reception at The Tropicana... 
  • We're thinking most will stay there - there's a few elderly guests coming, so walking too far is out of the question.
  • That's a hard one, but first let me say you are NOT being selfish to want to keep it small. Traditionally they are small wedding party and close family. Maybe suggest the host a meet and greet event if they want to do something for there friends...

    Good luck!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • We had about 45 people at our rehearsal dinner (no actual rehearsal) and it was a lot of fun; very relaxed casual environment, everyone just partied for the most part.  There were toasts, etc. and everyone quieted down during those, no problems.  If was a big group though and going beyond 50 may make it a little less personal with the friends and family that do go so I'd probably keep it under that number.

    Married old Las Vegas hag groom - June 2011

    Getting married in Vegas? Start here! [click]

  • Thanks for the thoughts and suggestions! Definitely want to keep it smaller, but good to know VG that you had a good time with about 45 people. Makes me feel a little better in case we do need to have it with a larger group.
  • I feel like you need to have an honest conversation with your in-laws in terms of the amount that they are willing to spend.  Perhaps, they aren't concerned about the cost like you are?  I appreciated wanting to keep it small.  If I were you, I would do small dinner and then your rehearsal.  That way you would only be inviting those who would be attending the reherasal.  Than after your rehearsal you could do the DDB tour that be for everybody.  Just my opinion! :)
  • spoon1984spoon1984 member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2013
    I think it sounds really nice to all have another meal together, could you have it in a hotel nearby then the majority of guests can walk and it will be a short cab for the rest. I realise it may be a bit different to what you originally planned but it seems like a good opportunity as they are offering to pay and as long as it will still be enjoyable for you then why not.
  • I actually just has this conversation with my in laws, they wanted to invite everyone and I felt it would be like having two receptions. You just need to be honest about who you want, even tho they are paying, it is your rehearsal, your time for those intimate speeches and moments.
  • mnuppmnupp member
    100 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Answer
    I wonder if you could do something at a relaxed venue so that it still gets people together and your FI's parents still feel like they are contributing, but it doesn't feel like another reception. Maybe West Wing bar @ MGM Grand or the Pub @ Monte Carlo?
  • Thanks all! I'm thinking of talking through maybe doing a welcome reception either before or after the actual rehearsal for a larger group and then dinner for a smaller. We'll see how that goes. J9lawrence - Love the idea of maybe doing the DDB after dinner! Rehearsal will prob take place at 4, so if dinner is from 4:30 to 6 DDB can be from 6:30 to 8:30 or something. 

    Anyways... West Wing bar sounds like a good place for a possible welcome event too. You guys are great! appreciate the thoughts. Guess there's no right or wrong way to do any of this, but man there are lots of opinions and feelings involved! Things I never imagined I'd care about, I do now... weird! Anyways, you knotties are the best! 

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