remembering those who can't be with us

AliBe24

My fiance's father passed away a couple of years ago (I never got to meet him). It is very important to me that we acknowledge him in some way during the reception.  Putting photos up doesn't seem like enough, and a photo montage is a little cheesy (in my opinion), plus it brings up the issue of equipment, etc.  I want something heartfelt and original, but it's kind of hard figuring this out for a man I never met.  Help?

Simply Fated

I personally think one photo is more than enough. You don't want to turn your happy occasion into something resembling a memorial service or wake. The last several wakes I went to all had pictures displayed. A couple had a slideshows. People looked at them and cried. I beg you to help your fiance to scale down so no one, especially him, gets upset. His father, unless very self-centered, would not want people crying over him at his dear son's wedding.

Perhaps putting a line in the program about him or maybe your fiance could discreetly carry something personal of his on him.

AliBe24

I like it.  Thanks.

Here's a little background info on the situation, so you guys see why it is important to me:

on our invitations, it says,

"As two families become one, (My Dad and mom's names) invite you to the marriage of their daughter, (my name) to (my fiance's name), son of (my future MIL)."

We did not include my FI's father on the invitation because 1) he is not here to invite anyone 2) my FI didn't want to, because it is a bummer.  Well, his father's side of the family is all up in arms now because his father's name was not included on the invitation.  the ones who were meanest about it are not attending (thank god), but it was still pretty hurtful that people can't just be happy about the wedding...they have to find something to be miserable about.

Simply Fated

AliBe24 said:

I like it.  Thanks.

Here's a little background info on the situation, so you guys see why it is important to me:

on our invitations, it says,

"As two families become one, (My Dad and mom's names) invite you to the marriage of their daughter, (my name) to (my fiance's name), son of (my future MIL)."

We did not include my FI's father on the invitation because 1) he is not here to invite anyone 2) my FI didn't want to, because it is a bummer.  Well, his father's side of the family is all up in arms now because his father's name was not included on the invitation.  the ones who were meanest about it are not attending (thank god), but it was still pretty hurtful that people can't just be happy about the wedding...they have to find something to be miserable about.

Those people are being ridiculous. They turned those invitations into a lose-lose situation. They should be ashamed of themselves.The people who were the meanest aren't even coming, so don't worry about pleasing them anymore. Your fiance needs to decide what he wants for himself. Miserable people will always be miserable and find misery in everything. I'm so sorry they're putting you and your fiance through this, as though having his father not being there isn't difficult enough for him.

kaos16

You were correct in not putting his name on the invitation, so they will have to get over that.

I find it odd that it is so important to you to honor someone you never met. . . . even if that is your feeling, you really should defer to your FI.  Take your cues from what he and FMIL want.  A wedding is not the time for a belated memorial service.

I agree that, if FI wants to, he should wear or carry a memento from dad.  Maybe display his parents wedding photo and yours near the cake or guest book, or put a line in the program (if you have one)

mtwomey1990

I love the idea of your FI carrying something that belonged to his father and a picture next to the cake!

We are doing a little something at the rehearsal dinner for my FI's mother and my aunt. Both of their birthdays are around the time that we are getting married so we have decided to have a little birthday cake for them. It may bum some people out (including us) if we do it at the actual wedding so we decided on night before the wedding with just those closest to us and who knew them well.

milosh5

I've found a couple ideas on pintrest I like. One is Lighting a candle with a little memo that says In loving memory. also maybe you could reserve a seat at the ceremony with a memo like " we know you'd be here today, if heaven weren't so far away"

Jen4948

milosh5 said:

I've found a couple ideas on pintrest I like. One is Lighting a candle with a little memo that says In loving memory. also maybe you could reserve a seat at the ceremony with a memo like " we know you'd be here today, if heaven weren't so far away"

These are things that Knotties tend to side-eye as being too morbid-especially the "reserving a seat."  Remember, a wedding is supposed to be a happy occasion, not a memorial service, and it's supposed to evoke joy and happiness, not tears and grief.

milosh5

I know. And that was the first thing I thought too. But, it's just an idea I saw.... just giving suggestions since clearly she wants to do something.

Jen4948

milosh5 said:

I know. And that was the first thing I thought too. But, it's just an idea I saw.... just giving suggestions since clearly she wants to do something.

There are things suggested above that she could do that are much less likely to evoke tears and grief.

milosh5

K. Sorry.

Jen4948

milosh5 said:

K. Sorry.

No need to apologize.

heidirs731

If he were alive today, is there way he would be incorporated into the ceremony? There was one wedding where the bride's father had died before the wedding so he wasn't available for the father/daughter dance. So, in their father's memory, the brother of the bride stepped in to do the father/daughter dance and a little announcement was made to explain the father had passed away. And I thought that was really meaningful.

Obviously, this is the father of the groom, but maybe you could do something like that. I also really like the idea of the groom carrying something to belonged to his father. That could really sweet and simple.

RedJacks25

heidirs731 said:

There was one wedding where the bride's father had died before the wedding so he wasn't available for the father/daughter dance. So, in their father's memory, the brother of the bride stepped in to do the father/daughter dance and a little announcement was made to explain the father had passed away. And I thought that was really meaningful.

This would kill me. I'm having a hard enough time coming to terms with the fact that I won't have my dad walk me down the aisle and I won't have my father/daughter dance. I would hate for an announcement to be made at my wedding, giving me a reminder of why he's not there.