Is there a polite way to ask if they ever received my gift (a long time ago)?

stelle413

A long time ago (2-3 years), one of my friends invited me to her wedding in our hometown.  I was away across the country at school and couldn't go, but I sent them a nice gift from their online registry.  I never received a thank you card, which surprised me because this bride is very polite and really seems to care about etiquette.  I never asked if they received my gift because I didn't want to be impolite.  Then I started wondering if they even realized the gift was from me--gift wrapping wasn't available for this particular item online (because it was backordered and had to be sent from a different warehouse or something), so maybe it's possible that it didn't include the name of the person (me) ordering it.  I started feeling bad about it and thinking they might not have even realized I sent them a gift.  Should I have asked if they received it?  I realize it was forever ago, and I should probably just forget about it, so is too late to ask about it now?  I just really wanted my friend to know that I cared about her wedding even though I couldn't be there.

Xstatic3333

I have two similar situations going on, so I'll be interested to see the responses! One involves the Target registry, which I now know is buggy. The other is BBB so I'm pretty sure that one was just a TY oversight.

misssunshine17

I think it's too late to ask. I would have asked 6 months after, but I think after 2-3 years, the ship has sailed. 

bakerie

Yeah, I'd say 2-3 years is way too late. Just forget about it at this point.

OliveOilsMom

With the wedding being 2-3 years ago now, I would forget about asking.  It's not like it was a check that was never cashed.  Yes, you spent money on a gift that they, hopefully, received, but it's not like you have a piece of your financial information potentially floating around out there.  You probably should have asked a few months after you sent the gift, not years.  And, unfortunately, thank you cards are being written less and less now.  So even if your friend is nice and gracious, doesn't mean she thought to write thank you cards.

As to the follow up poster, can you contact BBB and Target to see if there is cc info related to your gift so that they can tell you the name of the person who bought it?

libby2483

At this point I would forget about it.  It would have been fine to ask after a few months, but a few years seems a little odd.

Keith+Brenna

I have been in the same boat. I went to two different weddings, bought gifts and never never recieved a "Thank You" note. I thought it was extremely rude, especially since I went to the wedding. I always wonder if the "thank you" got lost in the mail, or if they really are just that ungrateful. But like you, it's been in the back of my head for years. It's really hard to forget about, but like the PPs have mentioned, I think a few years is too long.

MayDay513

Years is a long time to ask. I think if you haven't heard just leave it. It's like if they said "Oh we never received it" that you could go back and to the store or whatever and ask for your money back.

OliveOilsMom

Courtpenguin21 said:

What if, and I know in OP's case this isn't so, for OP it was only 3-6 months? How then would she politely ask? Or should someone ask at all? I know this is thread jacking but this might be helpful for other recent gift givers.

If it were me, I would call the bride or email and say: "Hi bride, I purchased a gift off your registry a few months ago.  It was on back order and said it would ship out on x date.  I never did receive a shipping confirmation from BBB.  I want to make sure you got it or otherwise, I will go complain to BBB."  It doesn't necessarily scream, why didn't you send a thank you note or mention the gift to me.  It more places any and all blame for not receiving the gift onto BBB or wheverever the registry was from.

rkbo

I have seen quite a few people post this on here and I am starting to think this way too...

No thank you note for bridal gift = no gift for baby shower

csuave

Maybe you can bring it up in conversation like "I was thinking of buying a widget for Sally, do you like yours and would you recommend it?"

Xstatic3333

I asked once at about the six month mark. We were talking wedding anyway so I very casually threw in, "ooo, I meant to check, did you get the pizza stone that I sent ok?" My friend didn't seem bothered that I asked. Thank you never came.

Can you tell I never get TYs? Sigh.

ETA Grammar

LDubHawksFan

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OliveOilsMom said:

Courtpenguin21 said:

What if, and I know in OP's case this isn't so, for OP it was only 3-6 months? How then would she politely ask? Or should someone ask at all? I know this is thread jacking but this might be helpful for other recent gift givers.

If it were me, I would call the bride or email and say: "Hi bride, I purchased a gift off your registry a few months ago.  It was on back order and said it would ship out on x date.  I never did receive a shipping confirmation from BBB.  I want to make sure you got it or otherwise, I will go complain to BBB."  It doesn't necessarily scream, why didn't you send a thank you note or mention the gift to me.  It more places any and all blame for not receiving the gift onto BBB or wheverever the registry was from.

I've done something like this twice. The first time was for a close friend and I asked if she ever got it. Turns out target had charged me and never sent it, so I was glad I could make it right. The second time was for a friend recently. I had waited for over 6 months with no ty....and I was about to order something a similar way through bbb (ordering in the store, using a coupon and getting free shipping) so I asked her if she received the gift so i could. Know whether it worked to order off the registry like that and she told me they were working on thank you'd....3 months later, still nothing. I think in op's case it has been too long, but I see no problem inquiring in a nice way like the ladies above have mentioned. Unfortunately so many are bad about Tys, I would do it around the 3 month mark.

rkbo

@sxyktn812 I totally agree to ask first, I should have said that in my original statement. 

32daisies

sxyktn812 said:

rhawndas said:

I have seen quite a few people post this on here and I am starting to think this way too...

No thank you note for bridal gift = no gift for baby shower

If it were a good enough friend, I'd give them the benefit of the doubt with a question like what OliveOilsMom posted.  I'm not begging for a TY, but I had a coworker who sent me a registry gift and I honestly never received it (and I'm twitchy about making sure my TYs go out).  She threw the question out there a few months later and I was genuinely confused, so she set about calling and got it squared away- and I still LOVE that set of sheets (when it finally arrived!).  If however, the bride acknowledges when you ask but there was still no TY note, then I'm all on board with this plan. 

Except if no one gets a TY. A group of us went to a wedding years ago (before the Interwebs!) and  gave various gifts -- some brought envelopes, some had things sent off the registry, etc. We all began quietly wondering if there'd been a problem, if our gift hadn't been received. I called WIlliams-Sonoma numerous times, and another friend called the catering hall to see if there'd been anything reported about gifts missing at the reception. Nothing untoward. A year later when we were (most of us) together again, someone brought it up and we all realized no one had ever received a thank you. Another year later, a few of us girls got baby shower invitations, and we did indeed decline.

32daisies

sxyktn812 said:

32daisies said:

sxyktn812 said:

rhawndas said:

I have seen quite a few people post this on here and I am starting to think this way too...

No thank you note for bridal gift = no gift for baby shower

If it were a good enough friend, I'd give them the benefit of the doubt with a question like what OliveOilsMom posted.  I'm not begging for a TY, but I had a coworker who sent me a registry gift and I honestly never received it (and I'm twitchy about making sure my TYs go out).  She threw the question out there a few months later and I was genuinely confused, so she set about calling and got it squared away- and I still LOVE that set of sheets (when it finally arrived!).  If however, the bride acknowledges when you ask but there was still no TY note, then I'm all on board with this plan. 

Except if no one gets a TY. A group of us went to a wedding years ago (before the Interwebs!) and  gave various gifts -- some brought envelopes, some had things sent off the registry, etc. We all began quietly wondering if there'd been a problem, if our gift hadn't been received. I called WIlliams-Sonoma numerous times, and another friend called the catering hall to see if there'd been anything reported about gifts missing at the reception. Nothing untoward. A year later when we were (most of us) together again, someone brought it up and we all realized no one had ever received a thank you. Another year later, a few of us girls got baby shower invitations, and we did indeed decline.

No, I don't mean ask around or with the shipping company, I mean ask the recipient directly, just word it a bit more casually than "Yo, d'ja get it?"  

I know you meant that. I'm just telling a story about a time when *no one* who went to a wedding got a thank you note, ever, so when it came time for the baby shower, no one needed to think twice about attending that one.

You're right if it's a close friend, or someone you know well, of course. But this was sort of a "daughter of a friend" type thing, and none of us knew the young lady herself that well, and didn't want to potentially embarrass her mother & father by asking. When it's someone you aren't as comfortable asking, checking with the shipping company, if possible, is a good initial place to go to see if your gift did arrive.

(edited for hitting "save" too soon)

KeptInStitches

@CMGr, was there any way you could have asked your friends? Maybe one was more likely to have sent it than the other?

KeptInStitches

Bummer. Just a thought.